Fly Away Little Birdie ..Come Back Soon

This year, my life has dramatically changed. My first little hatching has flown the coop.. off to college. It is scary and awesome at the same time. The emotions are mixed with excitement and fear. I have always tried my best to raise her to be independent and to be able to take care of herself. Now that I took her to college, and she is all settled in... She says she is all grown up now.. I wonder I hope she eats right and gets enough rest. I hope that she takes precautions when getting into other people's cars...or going places that i know not of. The hard part for me, is that I have always protected my kids and they think too much at times.. so for me not to know where she is or whom she's with.. that is the tough part.. so I have to trust the Lord that He is able to keep her in his constant care. I pray that those few short years that she was with me.. she learned what she needs to survive and succeed. It is my goal not to smother her at this point , you know with still trying to keep the apron strings attached to her. But to let her grow and become who she really is. No matter how old she becomes or mature.. she is still my baby girl and I will always be her mama. Fly away little birdie... Fly! Fly as high as the sky will take you.. live life to the fullest and make all your dreams come true.. But don't fly forever.. cuz I miss you already and love to hear the chirp in your voice.. Come home and tell me all about your grand adventures.. I want to hear them all. If you ever start to fall, know that I am here for you and will help you in any way I can. I know that you will make some mistakes, and have heart aches a long the way.. I am here with open arms... To hug you tight cuz I know it won't be long until you fly away again and make a coop of your own.

life is a journey

life is a journey down which road we do not know we know not the moment of conception, nor the moment of our departure. we cannot control all the events of our lives nor the people that will enter therein. we do not get to choose the parents we will have or the children we will bare. we do not get to compare our lives to that of others and say i wish to trade. we get what we get and have to make choices and face decisions for each particular day. first we are fed and dressed to someone else's preference. after a while we dress and feed ourselves to our own liking. then that fateful day will occur when we revert back to infancy and someone else must regain control of who we are and where we go. along the way we make decisions that will affect us for the rest of our lives who we love and choose to admire. we sometimes are right in those decisions and sometimes it may come back to haunt us for years to come. we make mistakes, we learn we grow we try hard to succeed... we will have many wins but unfortunately there will be losses along the way, as well. we are who we are on the inside not what people see on the outside... some may see us as tall bulky and clumsy others may see us as ugly short and fat. we are compiled into complex human beings by the people that have raised us by the world around us... we are molded in a shape that no one else can ever wear.. some may try to be like us some may never want to be like us.. but in all reality... there is only one me and only one you.. you can not fill my desires with your life and i can't fulfill my desires by trying to live yours for you . who are you and how will you affect the ones that you leave behind.. will the rock that you throw in the proverbial pond of life.. continue to make ripples long after you are gone.. or will the waters of your life go right back to being calm as if your life here on earth never had any purpose. i say live each day as if there is no tomorrow.. live today for today, forgetting the past and pressing toward the future. follow your heart down the road that has been laid out for you. love people without constraint. give generously. expect nothing in return.. smile often... step aside while someone walks by.. hold the door for another human being most of all don't worry that your life isn't perfect.. it is your life and no one else can live it for you, live and let live

A Long Hard Journey

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who had a dream of growing up to find her Prince Charming.. that he would come riding into her life on his white gleaming horse and save her from all that had been done to destroy her life.
He would slay all the dragons and bring her flowers a plenty.
Prince Charming would have it all together, never swear, never ever cause a tear to flow down her soft cheeks. He would work to make their lives together perfect, with nothing left aside.
Prince Charming would be a wonderful husband and a great provider, who was a terrific father, tender, caring and stern.
Prince Charming would tenderly love her for all she was worth, until her final breath, he would bestow on her a magical love that only seemed real in fairy tales.
One day, the little girl grew up and realized that her life's dream wasn't going to happen.. there wouldn't be a happily ever after.. she would grow old, but not with Prince Charming.. No rather
He would get arrested not once but twice for crimes he didn't commit. He would be found guilty by two separate juries. He would be sentenced to 25-50 years in prison.
Our lady came to the understanding that unless the Lord God himself moved on this matter for their behalf.. she would be a prison widow. She would spend many nights alone, crying herself to sleep... knowing that the dreams were shattered almost beyond repair..
Our lady, gave every bit of effort to raise their four children, to the glory of God. It was a long lonely journey, one of which our lady pondered what was the reason for her continuing on this long hard journey.. for a reward from God in the end..
Her heart longed to be soothed by love, but our lady knew it was next to impossible.
Her only hope and prayer is that one day, the Lord will intervene and that he will stay close beside her on this long hard journey.
That the Lord will hold her hand when she is lonely, that he will wrap His arms around her when she is sobbing out of control. That He will be her husbandman when her heart feels that it will break and shatter once again in her chest.
That God will grant her mercy when her nerves are frazzled by whining fussing and arguing children that never want to give her a moment's peace.
That God will provide for her financially and take care of all her needs and maybe even now and again, throw in a want or two (for some sanity).
Our Lady has determined that she will trust the Lord in the good and the bad and that one day when she stands before Him at the end of her long hard journey that the Lord will say "Well done, my good and faithful daughter, well done!" "Welcome home...to the mansion that I have been preparing for you." "Welcome Home!"

Broken Dreams

As a little girl, I had the same dreams as other girls, to grow up one day
to be a princess, to meet my knight in shining armor, to ride off into the sun set, to live happily ever after, with our perfect little children, in a perfect little dream world where nothing ever went wrong.
I'm sure lots of people had that same fantasy and then one day, they realized.... ummmm.... wellllll.... that isn't going to work out quite as I had planned.
When my first divorce was final, I got a good dose of reality that said... yeah your life isn't going to have that perfect little happy ending that you always dreamed of.
I had two children and a failed marriage... of which I take credit for my portion and the rest is just bad history.....
Then, marriage #2 came along and I thought Oh.... this time it is going to be better.. I know everything that went wrong the first time around, and I know all the mistakes not to make and all the ones to look for in this one...
Psyche!!!!! No this one had it's own pit falls and things I couldn't predict from my magic marriage ball of wonders.
This one came with it's own ups and downs and now that I am in it up to my elbows almost 9 years later... we have had our share of difficulties.. more than I can tell you in this blog..
As a matter of fact, my anniversary is Christmas Eve and it is the fourth one of nine that I will be "Celebrating" alone... because he is incarcerated.. for crimes he didn't commit.
Anyone can say anything they want, but I have all the facts and have lived this now for 6 years... so spare the judgement if you please...
Right now, I am typing at 5:30 am because I was laying on the couch... couldn't sleep, not for the first time either since he's been gone..
Thinking about my life and the loss of things I had planned and hoped for.. to be able to celebrate my anniversary together.. to plan where we would go to make it special... not ever thinking as a kid.. that I would have to go to jail and have salad and soda which kind would you like me to get for you dear?
Thinking about Christmas coming up the next day... and how I wish my little boys could be waking up to Christmas morning after months of anticipation and see the joy in their daddy's eyes as he would watch them open their presents that we had so carefully picked out....
But that has never actually happened for this is his third Christmas gone and they are 3 and 4 so nope that isn't the case...
It is just me... having to go it alone.. no one to help with the wrapping or the tree or anything... just me laying on the couch crying and wishing he were here to hold me and wipe away all the tears, that never seem to end..
They flow down my cheeks just watching a stupid tv show that always has a happy ending.. you know there is always a Christmas miracle on tv..
But not for me.. just pain and suffering stress and heartache...
broken dreams that seem to way so heavy on me..
I want to be happy and share my life with the one I love... but that is not the case...
So yes, in here I can whine and lay it all out.. I only have a few followers of my blog.. so this isn't going to make national news... I am not running for president or any other major roll and if I ever do.. well if they ever read this blog that I wrote in my distress... well then at least the world would know that I was a real person with real feelings....
I am always the one that tries to keep it real, but tries to end with the positive so that the reader, goes away feeling empowered.. like yes if Georgia can go though that.. and still smile.. and trust God then maybe I can go through what ever it is that he or she might be experiencing at that moment...
So let me say... Yes I have broken dreams, shattered laying on the floor of my life, even as I write this.. but I do know who is my Rock and I lean on Jesus every day..
With out Him as my savior, I wouldn't have made it through this journey that has been my life..
never a bowl of cherries.. always hard from early childhood until this very moment in time, but Jesus is the answer to my life..
He is picking up the broken pieces of my life and putting them back in some sort of semblance.. what I see is the broken bits of tile, like the plaque I made for my friends the Youngs... It is laying there all ready for the grout, but without the grout it just looks like chunks of pottery.. and that is the way my life feels like hunks of brokenness..
I am so glad for the Potter... He knows my life has been full of broken dreams and heart ache and He is so gently picking up each sliver of my life and mending me back together...
Do I wish the healing was already over and that my life was back to "NORMAl...ummmmm yeeeeeesssss... but at this point I seriously don't even know what normAL is... I am in the barely making it stage... But i know whom my Redeemer is and for that I am so thankful.
I know that Jesus is the anchor that I cling to and with HIM... I will never be alone..
Thank you Lord...

Dear Santa: From a Good Mother..

Dear Santa:
I have been a good mother this year: well almost
I have to admit there were a couple of times I yelled and even got mad.
but you might have too: if:
You had to lift your toilet off the floor 7 times (buy a new one twice);
clean up 3,650 messes some big some small;
drag the cat out of the toilet 4 times;
pull 2 small children back to safety a couple dozen times or more;
answer 16 million questions of WHY?;
come up with a reason that IT IS FAIR 4,200 times,
clean up pee, poop and projectile vomit;
chase the dog down a zillion times;
break up 1,200 fights (a day);
scrub marker off the walls more times than I care to remember;
stepped in dog dirt too many times;
cleaned broken glass out of your foot that no one knew how it got broken in the first place;
The list could go on forever, but this is what I want to say.... Santa if I could ask for a few minor things, this is what they would be:
A toilet that isn't clogg-able, or one that you can see clear through the ceramic right where it is clogged and have a tool to quickly remove it without all the mess.
How about a robot that could keep the house spotless and the children well groomed.
A Car that filled itself with gas every time.
And kids that didn't fuss, argue or whine.
Do you think you could throw in a moment of sanity so I might remember if I took a shower that day.
I know I am sounding greedy, now Santa, but maybe you could even give me a day when all of my children acted like perfect angels, said "YES MOMMY, right away"
and hair and clothes that looked just right like the movie stars on tv.
Would it be too much to ask for a solid night of sleep without the children waking up screaming or having to go pee.
Oh Santa, I know it's an awfully long list, and I am sure I forgot a few things , like thankful children and a loving husband who always called me love and honey.. and dare I say a pocket full of money... to spend just on me?
(Oops! You should over look that one.. I was just kidding..)
But hey! I figure if you could make Rudolph and all his buddies fly around the world..
You could check my list, twice... if need be and say YEAH WHAT THE HECK.... after all she has been a good mother this year.. Well Almost!!!

My Dirt is Cleaner Than Your Dirt

Sometimes if you look around you will see people of all sorts shapes and sizes.
If you look even just a little, you will see that people are imperfect in many ways.

If you continue to inspect the others around you, you may start to feel pretty good about yourself, because my goodness this or that is wrong with that other person.

I was thinking that Dirt is Dirt.. it may be in the form of cobwebs on the ceiling or dust on the piano top. Dirt may be tracked in on the floor during muddy seasons.

Slop may be dragged in on wet soggy boots and coats after a good sled riding session, and there are all forms of dirt and filth that present itself on a normal daily basis.

I think people-dirt is like different forms of dirt. See like this..

A person may have a totally spotless house, they get all dressed up and go to church.

Boy! Can they smile and act like they have it all together. Oh yeah, they are super great acting on the outside.


But guess what, under that pretty facade, they may be the most bitter unforgiving person, full of anger, malice pride arrogance, self righteousness, piety, slander, gossip. Perhaps they hate other people, maybe by racism, perhaps for a past hurt that was bestowed by that person.

Chances are that you know one of these people. Perhaps it may be you, yourself that is like this.. hiding the real dirt of your life, because society says one must be such and such..

It could be me. There are days that I look good on the outside and to someone who barely knows me.. I may look great, and underneath that little smile, there might be anger welling up that is not of God or some other thing that looks like Dirt.

I am saying that a person can have a spotless house, both physically and proverbially and yet still be dirty.

Oh they may not be using drugs or killing someone, maybe not even ever committed a dastardly deed in their life.

As for me, I have committed many sins, likely broken all the 10 commandments..
perhaps not physically murdering someone, but when I thought evil about them, them Jesus says that I murdered them in my heart.

We get this idea that just because we may not be committing the big societal sins, that "My Dirt is Cleaner Than Your Dirt."

Jesus tells us that we are not to be white washed tombs, you know like the fence in Tom Sawyer's story.. nice and pretty on the outside, but really dirty underneath, full of the things that go against the Lord. SIN.

SIN= ANYTHING THAT YOU SAY THINK OR DO THAT DISPLEASES GOD.

If you know it to be sin and you continue to do it, that's dirt to God.

If you are given a set of instructions and you only choose to obey part of them, perhaps you have no trouble helping the widows in your church, but you completely ignore the prisoners, with the attitude of they get what they deserve..

That is dirt to God... I could go on.. if you cuss, (of which i am guilty too, and tons of other things that i don't need to mention.)
If you deny others their goodly due. If you look away when you see a brother or sister in the Lord struggling, if you can help and you do not, if you do help and are puffed up over it.. like look what I did.. oh friend the list of dirt can go on forever.

I do not have the time or energy to list all hundreds of thousands things that are considered Dirt to God.

Each one of us knows the dirt that is within us. Most likely, if you are similar to me, we don't need someone else to point out our Dirt? Right.

Here is what God has to say about Dirt(SIN):
1) ALL HAVE SINNED AND FALL SHORT OF THE GLORY OF GOD.
2) JESUS DIED FOR ALL PEOPLE
3) IF YOU CONFESS YOUR SINS HE IS FAITHFUL AND JUST TO
FORGIVE ALL YOUR SINS AND CLEANSE YOU FROM ALL YOUR UNRIGHTEOUSNESS
4) IF ANY MAN (OR WOMAN) HEAR HIS VOICE AND OPEN THE DOOR(TO THEIR HEART)
HE WILL COME IN AND CLEAN THE HOUSE AND YOU WILL BE WHITER THAN SNOW.

I like it when my physical house is clean. But I would rather that the house in my heart is clean and right before God. Not just for my spiritual salvation (which is of up most importance) but also that I am clean in my thoughts and attitudes, in the way I conduct myself in all aspects of my life.

If you talk to my kids or my family, they will quickly tell you that I am not perfect. No but I am quick to ask for forgiveness(most of the time).

So I challenge you to take a look at the Dirt in your life and see if "your dirt is clean" or if it is Just that ... dirt...

Jesus can make you sparkling clean.. will you let him..

'CHRISTIAN SHIRT WEARER'

CHRISTIAN SHIRT WEARER
BY:
GEORGIA PROBST

We were going to have a church picnic after the service was over. I would be a clown and so would Norm. It was going to be his first time ever in a clown suit.
Norm and I went out to the truck to get all of my clowning supplies.. clothes shoes candy and prizes.
There came down the alley, a grubby looking old man, using a cane to steady himself.
I said "Hello and how are you?"
"Oh, I am alright for an old alcoholic." He slurred.
"Well what are you doing right now?" I questioned. "Nothing, why do you ask?"
I said "Well, church is starting in about five minutes, why don't you come in and join us?"
"I am too dirty and I look and smell like ... " I said, "Hey! Look at me.. I am wearing jeans and my toe nails look like that too."
"But I don't know anyone in there." He protested.
"Well, my name is Georgia and that is Norm, now you know two people." I persisted.
"Oh alright, but can I bring my whiskey bottle in there with me?"
"Sure." I said knowing that My God is able to deliver from addictions of every kind.
So we made our way into the church. I could see the people cringe as he walked down the aisle passed them and turn their heads so the stench didn't upset their stomachs.
I kindly asked the people who share my pew to please scoot down so that we could fit.
We sat down and he sat very close to me.
Now right here, I have to interject some honesty.. He reeked of leftover whiskey so badly that I did almost vomit. I prayed to the Lord that he would close my "smeller" so that I could sit next to him. He was ripe!
He leaned in real close to talk to me and the stench was powerful. But I realized that God is more powerful and this man needed the miracle he told me not to expect.
So all during the service. Church went on around us. He sat the entire time, so did I, so that he didn't feel uncomfortable.
He was coming out of a drunken hangover and he was incredibly loud. He talked through the service and I could feel all the people around me, the vibes they sent were un-mistakenly loud.
When it was time for the offering plate to be passed. He blurted out, "Well, I don't have no money to put in the plate... I feel like ... "
I assured him that God didn't need his money and suggested.. "You could offer that whiskey bottle that just fell out of your pocket to God and I bet He would fill you to overflowing with a peace and a joy that you have never had before."
He practically yelled right out loud.."NOW YOU ARE ASKING TOO MUCH, THERE LADY!"
I said, "Look at my eyes and tell me does that bottle ever completely satisfy you, or does it leave you empty every time?"
He said "No it doesn't satisfy me and yes I feel empty."
I said "The reason it can't satisfy you is because it is the wrong shape. You are trying to fill your emptiness with whiskey when only God can fill that spot."
He said "You are probably right, young lady and very persuasive too, but I have been cuddling this bottle for nearly fifty years. It will be a hard habit to break!"
I said "I understand, and I also know that Jesus can set you free in an instant from the desire to ever take a drink again."
Then it was time for the altar call. I said "Would you like me to go up there with you?"
He said, I am in dirty shorts and I smell bad, plus I am all broken out from whiskey." I told him "God is concerned with the inside of your heart not the clothes that you wear, or how you smell."
He didn't go forward, but allowed me to pray with him in our seat, then Norm came over and prayed with him and talked to him. Then we asked him if he wanted the pastor to come pray with him, he said "Oh yes, that would be good."
So I went forward and asked the pastor to come pray. We talked about all his issues that he thought prevented him from coming to the Lord.
The pastor prayed and nothing miraculous happened, though I wished it would have. That would have been truly a miracle and it could yet happen.
Then came the lunch after church. I took my friend out to the yard and fetched him a soda.
He asked if he could sneak a drink of his whiskey and I said well you are on church property, he asked if he could smoke and I told him there were a lot of little ones around and perhaps he could hold off a bit. He was totally okay with that. (well almost)
So I went on my merry way ,went and got in my clown suit.
Now here is the interesting part. A clown can say or do things that a regular person can not.
There sat my wino friend on a broken down picnic table and there were all the "Christian Shirt Wearers" way far away, not talking to him or treating him like a person at all.
So "Bubbles" went over to a couple of people and said, "Hey! Do you think you could go talk to my friend, he is lonely and has not found any friends yet.
My oh my, their shirts nearly fell off with that request. I was not happy. But you know a couple of people reluctantly went over and shook his hand and introduced themselves, ( and I bet they ran to get their hand sanitizer when they were done too) ( oh sorry.. that was me being sarcastic.. or was it the truth?)
I didn't see anyone make room at their table, I guess the Inn was full!
So my friend stayed the entire time. He told me that he would come back next week. I smiled broadly, gave him a hug and told him I would be expecting him.
He said, "I have to go now, I need a drink and a smoke.. I am dying for both!"

Now here comes some observations.

The man had lots of excuses as to why God wouldn't want to help him.. he thought he was too dirty to come to the Lord and that his years of addictions made him unfit for God.
Yes it is true that his addictions have kept him separated from God, but God loves all of us and wants us to come to Him, so that He can restore us and make us whole. God desires to have a relationship with each of us and to give us life more abundantly!
The "Christian Shirt Wearers.." My! They sure do look good.. coming to church all dressed in their 3 piece suits and Best Sunday dresses, but underneath that, they are not so clean now are they. I think their self righteousness stinks worse than the left over alcohol that my friend wore as bad cologne.
Hey! I am not suggesting that they should hug him (for a long time or that they have to become his very best friend) or even invite him for dinner.. but maybe that is what he needs.
I was nauseated more by their repugnance towards him than the smell arising from his whiskey wrecked body.
I thought didn't Jesus say that church is for the sick.
Well that made me sick to think that here is a man who is badly in need of the miracle he told me not to expect and there they all stay far away as possible.
I hope that my friend does come to church next Sunday. I (secretly hope ) that he is able to take a bath before he comes (because I am a human with a weak stomach for pungent odors) but if he is not able to bathe, I sincerely pray that God will meet him where he is and deliver him from the things that as he so adequately described.. he's dying for..
help me Jesus to be more like you and to take off my "Christian Shirt" attitude and truly be a Christian. To love the unlovable just as you loved. To see them with your eyes of compassion and not to let the stench of their lives deter me from leading them to the One who loves them and gave His Son to save their soul from Hell.