Fly Away Little Birdie ..Come Back Soon

This year, my life has dramatically changed. My first little hatching has flown the coop.. off to college. It is scary and awesome at the same time. The emotions are mixed with excitement and fear. I have always tried my best to raise her to be independent and to be able to take care of herself. Now that I took her to college, and she is all settled in... She says she is all grown up now.. I wonder I hope she eats right and gets enough rest. I hope that she takes precautions when getting into other people's cars...or going places that i know not of. The hard part for me, is that I have always protected my kids and they think too much at times.. so for me not to know where she is or whom she's with.. that is the tough part.. so I have to trust the Lord that He is able to keep her in his constant care. I pray that those few short years that she was with me.. she learned what she needs to survive and succeed. It is my goal not to smother her at this point , you know with still trying to keep the apron strings attached to her. But to let her grow and become who she really is. No matter how old she becomes or mature.. she is still my baby girl and I will always be her mama. Fly away little birdie... Fly! Fly as high as the sky will take you.. live life to the fullest and make all your dreams come true.. But don't fly forever.. cuz I miss you already and love to hear the chirp in your voice.. Come home and tell me all about your grand adventures.. I want to hear them all. If you ever start to fall, know that I am here for you and will help you in any way I can. I know that you will make some mistakes, and have heart aches a long the way.. I am here with open arms... To hug you tight cuz I know it won't be long until you fly away again and make a coop of your own.

life is a journey

life is a journey down which road we do not know we know not the moment of conception, nor the moment of our departure. we cannot control all the events of our lives nor the people that will enter therein. we do not get to choose the parents we will have or the children we will bare. we do not get to compare our lives to that of others and say i wish to trade. we get what we get and have to make choices and face decisions for each particular day. first we are fed and dressed to someone else's preference. after a while we dress and feed ourselves to our own liking. then that fateful day will occur when we revert back to infancy and someone else must regain control of who we are and where we go. along the way we make decisions that will affect us for the rest of our lives who we love and choose to admire. we sometimes are right in those decisions and sometimes it may come back to haunt us for years to come. we make mistakes, we learn we grow we try hard to succeed... we will have many wins but unfortunately there will be losses along the way, as well. we are who we are on the inside not what people see on the outside... some may see us as tall bulky and clumsy others may see us as ugly short and fat. we are compiled into complex human beings by the people that have raised us by the world around us... we are molded in a shape that no one else can ever wear.. some may try to be like us some may never want to be like us.. but in all reality... there is only one me and only one you.. you can not fill my desires with your life and i can't fulfill my desires by trying to live yours for you . who are you and how will you affect the ones that you leave behind.. will the rock that you throw in the proverbial pond of life.. continue to make ripples long after you are gone.. or will the waters of your life go right back to being calm as if your life here on earth never had any purpose. i say live each day as if there is no tomorrow.. live today for today, forgetting the past and pressing toward the future. follow your heart down the road that has been laid out for you. love people without constraint. give generously. expect nothing in return.. smile often... step aside while someone walks by.. hold the door for another human being most of all don't worry that your life isn't perfect.. it is your life and no one else can live it for you, live and let live

A Long Hard Journey

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who had a dream of growing up to find her Prince Charming.. that he would come riding into her life on his white gleaming horse and save her from all that had been done to destroy her life.
He would slay all the dragons and bring her flowers a plenty.
Prince Charming would have it all together, never swear, never ever cause a tear to flow down her soft cheeks. He would work to make their lives together perfect, with nothing left aside.
Prince Charming would be a wonderful husband and a great provider, who was a terrific father, tender, caring and stern.
Prince Charming would tenderly love her for all she was worth, until her final breath, he would bestow on her a magical love that only seemed real in fairy tales.
One day, the little girl grew up and realized that her life's dream wasn't going to happen.. there wouldn't be a happily ever after.. she would grow old, but not with Prince Charming.. No rather
He would get arrested not once but twice for crimes he didn't commit. He would be found guilty by two separate juries. He would be sentenced to 25-50 years in prison.
Our lady came to the understanding that unless the Lord God himself moved on this matter for their behalf.. she would be a prison widow. She would spend many nights alone, crying herself to sleep... knowing that the dreams were shattered almost beyond repair..
Our lady, gave every bit of effort to raise their four children, to the glory of God. It was a long lonely journey, one of which our lady pondered what was the reason for her continuing on this long hard journey.. for a reward from God in the end..
Her heart longed to be soothed by love, but our lady knew it was next to impossible.
Her only hope and prayer is that one day, the Lord will intervene and that he will stay close beside her on this long hard journey.
That the Lord will hold her hand when she is lonely, that he will wrap His arms around her when she is sobbing out of control. That He will be her husbandman when her heart feels that it will break and shatter once again in her chest.
That God will grant her mercy when her nerves are frazzled by whining fussing and arguing children that never want to give her a moment's peace.
That God will provide for her financially and take care of all her needs and maybe even now and again, throw in a want or two (for some sanity).
Our Lady has determined that she will trust the Lord in the good and the bad and that one day when she stands before Him at the end of her long hard journey that the Lord will say "Well done, my good and faithful daughter, well done!" "Welcome home...to the mansion that I have been preparing for you." "Welcome Home!"

Broken Dreams

As a little girl, I had the same dreams as other girls, to grow up one day
to be a princess, to meet my knight in shining armor, to ride off into the sun set, to live happily ever after, with our perfect little children, in a perfect little dream world where nothing ever went wrong.
I'm sure lots of people had that same fantasy and then one day, they realized.... ummmm.... wellllll.... that isn't going to work out quite as I had planned.
When my first divorce was final, I got a good dose of reality that said... yeah your life isn't going to have that perfect little happy ending that you always dreamed of.
I had two children and a failed marriage... of which I take credit for my portion and the rest is just bad history.....
Then, marriage #2 came along and I thought Oh.... this time it is going to be better.. I know everything that went wrong the first time around, and I know all the mistakes not to make and all the ones to look for in this one...
Psyche!!!!! No this one had it's own pit falls and things I couldn't predict from my magic marriage ball of wonders.
This one came with it's own ups and downs and now that I am in it up to my elbows almost 9 years later... we have had our share of difficulties.. more than I can tell you in this blog..
As a matter of fact, my anniversary is Christmas Eve and it is the fourth one of nine that I will be "Celebrating" alone... because he is incarcerated.. for crimes he didn't commit.
Anyone can say anything they want, but I have all the facts and have lived this now for 6 years... so spare the judgement if you please...
Right now, I am typing at 5:30 am because I was laying on the couch... couldn't sleep, not for the first time either since he's been gone..
Thinking about my life and the loss of things I had planned and hoped for.. to be able to celebrate my anniversary together.. to plan where we would go to make it special... not ever thinking as a kid.. that I would have to go to jail and have salad and soda which kind would you like me to get for you dear?
Thinking about Christmas coming up the next day... and how I wish my little boys could be waking up to Christmas morning after months of anticipation and see the joy in their daddy's eyes as he would watch them open their presents that we had so carefully picked out....
But that has never actually happened for this is his third Christmas gone and they are 3 and 4 so nope that isn't the case...
It is just me... having to go it alone.. no one to help with the wrapping or the tree or anything... just me laying on the couch crying and wishing he were here to hold me and wipe away all the tears, that never seem to end..
They flow down my cheeks just watching a stupid tv show that always has a happy ending.. you know there is always a Christmas miracle on tv..
But not for me.. just pain and suffering stress and heartache...
broken dreams that seem to way so heavy on me..
I want to be happy and share my life with the one I love... but that is not the case...
So yes, in here I can whine and lay it all out.. I only have a few followers of my blog.. so this isn't going to make national news... I am not running for president or any other major roll and if I ever do.. well if they ever read this blog that I wrote in my distress... well then at least the world would know that I was a real person with real feelings....
I am always the one that tries to keep it real, but tries to end with the positive so that the reader, goes away feeling empowered.. like yes if Georgia can go though that.. and still smile.. and trust God then maybe I can go through what ever it is that he or she might be experiencing at that moment...
So let me say... Yes I have broken dreams, shattered laying on the floor of my life, even as I write this.. but I do know who is my Rock and I lean on Jesus every day..
With out Him as my savior, I wouldn't have made it through this journey that has been my life..
never a bowl of cherries.. always hard from early childhood until this very moment in time, but Jesus is the answer to my life..
He is picking up the broken pieces of my life and putting them back in some sort of semblance.. what I see is the broken bits of tile, like the plaque I made for my friends the Youngs... It is laying there all ready for the grout, but without the grout it just looks like chunks of pottery.. and that is the way my life feels like hunks of brokenness..
I am so glad for the Potter... He knows my life has been full of broken dreams and heart ache and He is so gently picking up each sliver of my life and mending me back together...
Do I wish the healing was already over and that my life was back to "NORMAl...ummmmm yeeeeeesssss... but at this point I seriously don't even know what normAL is... I am in the barely making it stage... But i know whom my Redeemer is and for that I am so thankful.
I know that Jesus is the anchor that I cling to and with HIM... I will never be alone..
Thank you Lord...

Dear Santa: From a Good Mother..

Dear Santa:
I have been a good mother this year: well almost
I have to admit there were a couple of times I yelled and even got mad.
but you might have too: if:
You had to lift your toilet off the floor 7 times (buy a new one twice);
clean up 3,650 messes some big some small;
drag the cat out of the toilet 4 times;
pull 2 small children back to safety a couple dozen times or more;
answer 16 million questions of WHY?;
come up with a reason that IT IS FAIR 4,200 times,
clean up pee, poop and projectile vomit;
chase the dog down a zillion times;
break up 1,200 fights (a day);
scrub marker off the walls more times than I care to remember;
stepped in dog dirt too many times;
cleaned broken glass out of your foot that no one knew how it got broken in the first place;
The list could go on forever, but this is what I want to say.... Santa if I could ask for a few minor things, this is what they would be:
A toilet that isn't clogg-able, or one that you can see clear through the ceramic right where it is clogged and have a tool to quickly remove it without all the mess.
How about a robot that could keep the house spotless and the children well groomed.
A Car that filled itself with gas every time.
And kids that didn't fuss, argue or whine.
Do you think you could throw in a moment of sanity so I might remember if I took a shower that day.
I know I am sounding greedy, now Santa, but maybe you could even give me a day when all of my children acted like perfect angels, said "YES MOMMY, right away"
and hair and clothes that looked just right like the movie stars on tv.
Would it be too much to ask for a solid night of sleep without the children waking up screaming or having to go pee.
Oh Santa, I know it's an awfully long list, and I am sure I forgot a few things , like thankful children and a loving husband who always called me love and honey.. and dare I say a pocket full of money... to spend just on me?
(Oops! You should over look that one.. I was just kidding..)
But hey! I figure if you could make Rudolph and all his buddies fly around the world..
You could check my list, twice... if need be and say YEAH WHAT THE HECK.... after all she has been a good mother this year.. Well Almost!!!

My Dirt is Cleaner Than Your Dirt

Sometimes if you look around you will see people of all sorts shapes and sizes.
If you look even just a little, you will see that people are imperfect in many ways.

If you continue to inspect the others around you, you may start to feel pretty good about yourself, because my goodness this or that is wrong with that other person.

I was thinking that Dirt is Dirt.. it may be in the form of cobwebs on the ceiling or dust on the piano top. Dirt may be tracked in on the floor during muddy seasons.

Slop may be dragged in on wet soggy boots and coats after a good sled riding session, and there are all forms of dirt and filth that present itself on a normal daily basis.

I think people-dirt is like different forms of dirt. See like this..

A person may have a totally spotless house, they get all dressed up and go to church.

Boy! Can they smile and act like they have it all together. Oh yeah, they are super great acting on the outside.


But guess what, under that pretty facade, they may be the most bitter unforgiving person, full of anger, malice pride arrogance, self righteousness, piety, slander, gossip. Perhaps they hate other people, maybe by racism, perhaps for a past hurt that was bestowed by that person.

Chances are that you know one of these people. Perhaps it may be you, yourself that is like this.. hiding the real dirt of your life, because society says one must be such and such..

It could be me. There are days that I look good on the outside and to someone who barely knows me.. I may look great, and underneath that little smile, there might be anger welling up that is not of God or some other thing that looks like Dirt.

I am saying that a person can have a spotless house, both physically and proverbially and yet still be dirty.

Oh they may not be using drugs or killing someone, maybe not even ever committed a dastardly deed in their life.

As for me, I have committed many sins, likely broken all the 10 commandments..
perhaps not physically murdering someone, but when I thought evil about them, them Jesus says that I murdered them in my heart.

We get this idea that just because we may not be committing the big societal sins, that "My Dirt is Cleaner Than Your Dirt."

Jesus tells us that we are not to be white washed tombs, you know like the fence in Tom Sawyer's story.. nice and pretty on the outside, but really dirty underneath, full of the things that go against the Lord. SIN.

SIN= ANYTHING THAT YOU SAY THINK OR DO THAT DISPLEASES GOD.

If you know it to be sin and you continue to do it, that's dirt to God.

If you are given a set of instructions and you only choose to obey part of them, perhaps you have no trouble helping the widows in your church, but you completely ignore the prisoners, with the attitude of they get what they deserve..

That is dirt to God... I could go on.. if you cuss, (of which i am guilty too, and tons of other things that i don't need to mention.)
If you deny others their goodly due. If you look away when you see a brother or sister in the Lord struggling, if you can help and you do not, if you do help and are puffed up over it.. like look what I did.. oh friend the list of dirt can go on forever.

I do not have the time or energy to list all hundreds of thousands things that are considered Dirt to God.

Each one of us knows the dirt that is within us. Most likely, if you are similar to me, we don't need someone else to point out our Dirt? Right.

Here is what God has to say about Dirt(SIN):
1) ALL HAVE SINNED AND FALL SHORT OF THE GLORY OF GOD.
2) JESUS DIED FOR ALL PEOPLE
3) IF YOU CONFESS YOUR SINS HE IS FAITHFUL AND JUST TO
FORGIVE ALL YOUR SINS AND CLEANSE YOU FROM ALL YOUR UNRIGHTEOUSNESS
4) IF ANY MAN (OR WOMAN) HEAR HIS VOICE AND OPEN THE DOOR(TO THEIR HEART)
HE WILL COME IN AND CLEAN THE HOUSE AND YOU WILL BE WHITER THAN SNOW.

I like it when my physical house is clean. But I would rather that the house in my heart is clean and right before God. Not just for my spiritual salvation (which is of up most importance) but also that I am clean in my thoughts and attitudes, in the way I conduct myself in all aspects of my life.

If you talk to my kids or my family, they will quickly tell you that I am not perfect. No but I am quick to ask for forgiveness(most of the time).

So I challenge you to take a look at the Dirt in your life and see if "your dirt is clean" or if it is Just that ... dirt...

Jesus can make you sparkling clean.. will you let him..

'CHRISTIAN SHIRT WEARER'

CHRISTIAN SHIRT WEARER
BY:
GEORGIA PROBST

We were going to have a church picnic after the service was over. I would be a clown and so would Norm. It was going to be his first time ever in a clown suit.
Norm and I went out to the truck to get all of my clowning supplies.. clothes shoes candy and prizes.
There came down the alley, a grubby looking old man, using a cane to steady himself.
I said "Hello and how are you?"
"Oh, I am alright for an old alcoholic." He slurred.
"Well what are you doing right now?" I questioned. "Nothing, why do you ask?"
I said "Well, church is starting in about five minutes, why don't you come in and join us?"
"I am too dirty and I look and smell like ... " I said, "Hey! Look at me.. I am wearing jeans and my toe nails look like that too."
"But I don't know anyone in there." He protested.
"Well, my name is Georgia and that is Norm, now you know two people." I persisted.
"Oh alright, but can I bring my whiskey bottle in there with me?"
"Sure." I said knowing that My God is able to deliver from addictions of every kind.
So we made our way into the church. I could see the people cringe as he walked down the aisle passed them and turn their heads so the stench didn't upset their stomachs.
I kindly asked the people who share my pew to please scoot down so that we could fit.
We sat down and he sat very close to me.
Now right here, I have to interject some honesty.. He reeked of leftover whiskey so badly that I did almost vomit. I prayed to the Lord that he would close my "smeller" so that I could sit next to him. He was ripe!
He leaned in real close to talk to me and the stench was powerful. But I realized that God is more powerful and this man needed the miracle he told me not to expect.
So all during the service. Church went on around us. He sat the entire time, so did I, so that he didn't feel uncomfortable.
He was coming out of a drunken hangover and he was incredibly loud. He talked through the service and I could feel all the people around me, the vibes they sent were un-mistakenly loud.
When it was time for the offering plate to be passed. He blurted out, "Well, I don't have no money to put in the plate... I feel like ... "
I assured him that God didn't need his money and suggested.. "You could offer that whiskey bottle that just fell out of your pocket to God and I bet He would fill you to overflowing with a peace and a joy that you have never had before."
He practically yelled right out loud.."NOW YOU ARE ASKING TOO MUCH, THERE LADY!"
I said, "Look at my eyes and tell me does that bottle ever completely satisfy you, or does it leave you empty every time?"
He said "No it doesn't satisfy me and yes I feel empty."
I said "The reason it can't satisfy you is because it is the wrong shape. You are trying to fill your emptiness with whiskey when only God can fill that spot."
He said "You are probably right, young lady and very persuasive too, but I have been cuddling this bottle for nearly fifty years. It will be a hard habit to break!"
I said "I understand, and I also know that Jesus can set you free in an instant from the desire to ever take a drink again."
Then it was time for the altar call. I said "Would you like me to go up there with you?"
He said, I am in dirty shorts and I smell bad, plus I am all broken out from whiskey." I told him "God is concerned with the inside of your heart not the clothes that you wear, or how you smell."
He didn't go forward, but allowed me to pray with him in our seat, then Norm came over and prayed with him and talked to him. Then we asked him if he wanted the pastor to come pray with him, he said "Oh yes, that would be good."
So I went forward and asked the pastor to come pray. We talked about all his issues that he thought prevented him from coming to the Lord.
The pastor prayed and nothing miraculous happened, though I wished it would have. That would have been truly a miracle and it could yet happen.
Then came the lunch after church. I took my friend out to the yard and fetched him a soda.
He asked if he could sneak a drink of his whiskey and I said well you are on church property, he asked if he could smoke and I told him there were a lot of little ones around and perhaps he could hold off a bit. He was totally okay with that. (well almost)
So I went on my merry way ,went and got in my clown suit.
Now here is the interesting part. A clown can say or do things that a regular person can not.
There sat my wino friend on a broken down picnic table and there were all the "Christian Shirt Wearers" way far away, not talking to him or treating him like a person at all.
So "Bubbles" went over to a couple of people and said, "Hey! Do you think you could go talk to my friend, he is lonely and has not found any friends yet.
My oh my, their shirts nearly fell off with that request. I was not happy. But you know a couple of people reluctantly went over and shook his hand and introduced themselves, ( and I bet they ran to get their hand sanitizer when they were done too) ( oh sorry.. that was me being sarcastic.. or was it the truth?)
I didn't see anyone make room at their table, I guess the Inn was full!
So my friend stayed the entire time. He told me that he would come back next week. I smiled broadly, gave him a hug and told him I would be expecting him.
He said, "I have to go now, I need a drink and a smoke.. I am dying for both!"

Now here comes some observations.

The man had lots of excuses as to why God wouldn't want to help him.. he thought he was too dirty to come to the Lord and that his years of addictions made him unfit for God.
Yes it is true that his addictions have kept him separated from God, but God loves all of us and wants us to come to Him, so that He can restore us and make us whole. God desires to have a relationship with each of us and to give us life more abundantly!
The "Christian Shirt Wearers.." My! They sure do look good.. coming to church all dressed in their 3 piece suits and Best Sunday dresses, but underneath that, they are not so clean now are they. I think their self righteousness stinks worse than the left over alcohol that my friend wore as bad cologne.
Hey! I am not suggesting that they should hug him (for a long time or that they have to become his very best friend) or even invite him for dinner.. but maybe that is what he needs.
I was nauseated more by their repugnance towards him than the smell arising from his whiskey wrecked body.
I thought didn't Jesus say that church is for the sick.
Well that made me sick to think that here is a man who is badly in need of the miracle he told me not to expect and there they all stay far away as possible.
I hope that my friend does come to church next Sunday. I (secretly hope ) that he is able to take a bath before he comes (because I am a human with a weak stomach for pungent odors) but if he is not able to bathe, I sincerely pray that God will meet him where he is and deliver him from the things that as he so adequately described.. he's dying for..
help me Jesus to be more like you and to take off my "Christian Shirt" attitude and truly be a Christian. To love the unlovable just as you loved. To see them with your eyes of compassion and not to let the stench of their lives deter me from leading them to the One who loves them and gave His Son to save their soul from Hell.

Men of Caliper

Today, I am going to talk to you about important men.
There are men out there that are great men of God. They have done mighty and wonderful things. These men love their wives wholeheartedly and would never contemplate cheating or being abusive. They have their priorities lined up and know exactly where they are going in life.

Then there are other types of men..

Men that make babies, leave their wives unsupported and run around acting like crazy fools, with no purpose! Gettin' drunk actin' stupid!

Here's what I think that makes a man important.

He first of all loves God with all his heart and mind and soul.
He loves his wife and honors her above himself.
He loves his children and trains them to be men and women of character.
He is not afraid to be different in the work place and he values his family time.
His walk matches his talk. He is decent and conducts himself with humility.

I have to wonder where have all the good men gone?
I see men that are losers, who swear and act like real idiots!! They spit and talk trash in front of women and children.

What happened to men that used to show respect and honor? What happened to men standing up when a woman walks in? What happened to men taking their hats off in restaurant.

I think that if men would start acting like real men and stop acting like pansies that are needy and unreliable, self absorbed prigs, then the rest of society would straighten up!

How about men who truly love God and are called according to his purposes.. How about taking a stand against what is wrong like stop looking at porn on the computer.. or checking out the trashy magazines in the check out line or looking at the skinny babes and wishing they could be yours in your mind while you have a perfectly wonderful wife and mother that is already yours. Single men.. you need to straighten up and fly right too!!

Hey men.. I think it is time that you "Man up." Stop this crying and whining and acting like the world owes you something.

I think that if you want respect men.. you need to start giving it in all areas of life. At work! At home! At play!!

I know times have changed and people need to change too, but I don't think that respect changes. It always sets the standard!!

I truly want to see some Men of Caliper show the world how to conduct them selves like men..

Hey guys! While I am busting your chops right now.. you know what is horrible.. men who wear their pants down around their rumps.. it is gross and disgusting and only pigs like that look!

You know what? You should meet my dad! He is a man of honor and I wish the world was made up of more guys just like him.

Could you be content?

There are some people who seem to be born with silver spoon in their mouths while others go down the road of poverty for years.
Some folks have looks that are to die for and then there are those who with one look can kill you. Not Really.. but that's how it seems.
Of course, we know that there are those who can eat like a horse and stay the way they were when they entered the 12th grade.. skinny as a rail.
Then there are those like me that just the smell of a goody and my diet is shot for a whole month.
I have been reading my Bible where the apostle Paul talks about being content, in all circumstances.
Whether destitute or full and over flowing, we're to be content. You know, I've been thinking that there are those people who have beyond beautiful houses, with perfect looking spouses and pretty well behaved children and most likely a nice car to ride around town, in to boot.
Yet why is it that the house isn't good enough, they have to build fix or remodel, up grade I believe is the term.
They have wonderful wives, yet are willing to give it all up for a glance at a "younger,, skinnier,, prettier" version of what they think the going babe should look like according to the most recent billboard on the way to work, or that trash we saw on tv last night.
I wonder why when we have a car to drive and it is functioning perfectly fine, do we see the need to rush out and get ourselves right back into the debt that we swore we would never do again, and yet here goes another 5 years of our lives down the drain for a car that will rust and fall apart just like the other one did.
How is it that we Americans have to have the latest and greatest this that or the other thing? When there are hundreds of thousands of folks all across the world that are happy if they have one pair of shoes or one shirt to wear for work and one to wear when they walk 20 miles to go to church each week.
I am speaking to myself too. I look at the mounds of laundry that I have and say you know that is just too much clothing for one person and a couple of kids to have. Why the last I checked, I still only feel comfortable wearing one outfit at a time..(that is unless you are my son Jack, who wears five shirts, church vest, and five pairs of under ware along with six pairs of shorts and pants.. sometimes he can't even walk straight!)
You know what I think, this boils down too is the fact that we are not really content. We are trying to fill up our lives with so much stuff, music; sex; drugs; relationships; pets; hobbies, you know what else I may have left out because you too have areas in your own life that you aren't content with. Don't worry, I am not singling anyone out.
Just merely pointing out a fact that we are not a content people. The greedier the better seems to be the most popular goings on now-a-days.
So how do I fix it you might say? First, we need to take a look at our lives and see where it is cluttered and determine to de-stress, perhaps by throwing six bags of things to the thrifty shop that you haven't used in over a year, maybe it means that you go out one less day a week.
Maybe it means to stop enrolling your child in every event this side of glory. Believe me, they are not going to die if they are not in every single extra curricular activity known to man. There are those people in the world that never participated in this that and every activity that presented itself and you know what they are well rounded okay and even a stable person!
I figure it is like this, if we clear the clutter out of our dining room, we may enjoy eating at home for once. If we get rid of things that put stress on our marriages we may decide "Hey, I remember you and I actually kind of like you."
I remember when I was in youth group (yes years ago) that our pastor told us.. "If you have your priorities in line with God's word, your life will line up and you will be a lot more content with what you have."
God first, family next, church and work. If you think that you can devote 80 hours to work every week, go to every game, go out with friends constantly and or whatever else you can put on the list, you can't without something else cracking under the pressure. This is why over 50 % of marriages fail, and that's christian marriages as well, we are not exempt!
I am feeling the urge to write this.. I think that many marriages are falling apart today, for the mere fact that there is so much outside stress that you don't have time to nurture that God given opportunity when you said I do to the one that you now can't often stand, let alone remember what her favorite color is or when your anniversary is. We only tend to remember the wrong they have done or the things that they forgot to do to make us happy.
People think oh, if we just made more money or had more kids or add your own paraphrase here, that we will be happier.
No! what is that country song I used to hear? We need a bigger house to hold all our stuff.
We need to simplify! Get back to the basics. Focus on God and the good that He is doing ( even if you can't see it). Tell you spouse that you love and appreciate them often. There could come a day when you won't be able to do that and those moments are so very precious ( I know!)
You know what don't forget to tell your kids that you love them too. They deserve to hear good job kid I love you, even if they don't do everything exactly as you think they should or as perfectly as you could!
Let's make it our desire to live a quiet life and to be content with the things that we have!!
I will bet any money that if you and I would be content with what we already have. and truly content, that our Heavenly Father who wants to give us good gifts, would say well done thou good and faithful servant and bless us with a whole lot more!!

Just something to think about! I am thinking too!
God bless you and yours!!

Who am I

Who am I?
Based on real life events..

I am a daughter by birth and a sister by chance.

I am a daughter through adoption.

I am a wife and a mother to four wonderful kids..
not perfect in any sense of the matter, yet still their mother.

I am a friend to one and all.

I do not judge people for what they look like rather try to see the
contents of their heart and go based on the perceptions that I see.

I feel that I am a good person, who would help anyone as much as I was able.

However, lately my character of who I am and the person that others know me to be
has been called into question.

Declaring me to be a fragile self absorbed person, not living in reality, unfit to be a mother, having a deplorable home so bad that the person who wrote this report said that I am suicidal and should not have my children with me any longer until I go to psycho therapy, attend parent classes and get my home in livable condition.

I have had my world turned upside down in the last six months and yes there were days that I may have cried an ocean, there may have been days when there were three baskets of laundry in the basement.

Here's what I know.

My husband is incarcerated and sentenced to 25 years of prison(only by the grace of God will that change.

My house was in foreclosure and God took care of that for 48 dollars.

My ex husband has been draining the life out of any money that I had (which was next to none) trying to get custody of the children that I have had for their entire lives.

I was told that my only source of income would be discontinued after February.

Children and youth were called and that makes me a target for them,, but thank The Lord they are actually on my side

Yeah, that about covers the stress that I have been under.,. not tot mention that fact that I have four children that I am raising all on my own with little outside help.

So excuse me if I have seemed a bit stressed and I ask any one who wants to challenge my parenting abilities.. exactly what kind of shape would they be in placed in my exact circumstances.

Here's my reality. I have kept my house going for almost 18 months by myself..


I have kept the bills paid on little or next to nothing.. the kids have survived and are actually doing well. (The girls have good grades)

I have not ended up in the nut hut or even come close though there were a couple of times without the support of my friends and some family. it might have been a close call

I have kept up all obligations with bills cars kids house and lawn, I have made sure that my children didn't starve or ever go hungry. They have been appropriately dressed for all seasons.. *well at least I provided the ability whether or not they chose to wear a coat was on them..ie the girls)

On top of these things. I have been involved with my church and started a jail ministry of writing to prisoners who are mostly lifers.

I have been a support to others who have family or friends incarcerated and even been their taxi to help them with their errands.. like picking them up to take them to visit their inmate, taking them to the grocery store, even taking my one friend to have her elderly cat put to sleep and picked up his ashes and delivered them when she couldn't do so for herself.

I feel that I have risen above the circumstances that life has thrown my way and am making strides to move forward despite all that has been taken from me.

I am currently studying to take the civil service test to be a postal carrier and on my fourth time taking a practice test got a 100% on part of the test.

So in all of this am I bragging.. nope absolutely not.. I am just saying that I am an over-comer and always have been.

Oh that lady's vicious report, yeah it cut me deep in my heart, but I know that is not who I am. Her words were biased and prejudiced against me, and most people who know my story, tell me that they think that I am strong and don't even know how I have made it this far.

Sometimes in life people will say things that are not true. Things that may cut you like a knife, but in reality each person knows that they have worth not based on what one person says or does.

I have always found my worth in what my Lord thinks of me.

He says that I am the apple of his eye, that he has my name carved on the palm of His hand. H says that I am a daughter of the king, co heirs with Jesus his son. He says that he loves me enough to die for me and enough to come again to take me to his Heaven to be with Him. God tells me of my worth and tells me to run to Him when I need a Safe Haven or a Rock or a Refuge.

So who am I? I am a daughter of the Most High God and I find my worth in Him.
I hope that when things go wrong in your life that you also may find your true worth and value in the One who loves you and cherishes you as His very own.

Amen!!

Overwhelming Goodness

This year has been one of the worst years ever, for me, emotionally.

I have had had more strain in 365 days than I think one person should have to endure in an entire lifetime.

My emotions have raced excitedly up one side of the roller coaster and back down the other in a plummeting crash.

I have prayed for friends and had their requests answered and prayed for my own and felt that I was bouncing my head against a brick wall of silence.

My patience has been stretched like a rubber band about ready to snap from too much pressure.

I have felt that there were times that I had one nerve left and it seemed as if someone was stomping on it, laughing in glee, at my demise.

My heart has poured out more tears than I thought were humanly possible, and yet there is probably more in the well spring where that came from.

Yet in all of this I will testify to my Heavenly Father's "Overwhelming Goodness".


In my moments of anguish and agony, my Heavenly Father has never left me standing alone.

He has been my Refuge in the midst of my storm and my Light House when I thought I was lost at sea.

My Lord has been my Fortress and my Rock of Salvation when I felt as though I was on an island of constant sinking sand.

When I have called out on the name of my Lord, He has been right there to hold my hand and lead the way through my dark stormy night, of loneliness and despair.

I would like to publicly acknowledge that without the support of my friends and family, I wouldn't have survived.

There were many days that one or more of them would call me just to ask how I was doing and if they had not.. I think I might have drowned in the gulf of overwhelmed-ness.

When I look at the presents that came into our home and lay under our home grown Christmas tree, I was starkly aware of God's goodness to us despite our circumstances.

I am thankful that God knows exactly what we need and is prepared to pour out the blessings of heaven even when we might feel like we do not deserve them.

If you feel like you are at the end of your rope and are about to fall off the cliff of stability..

May I suggest that you place your hand in the Hand of the Man who calmed the sea.

May I suggest that you turn your sorrows and your worries over to the God that created the mountains by the word of his mouth and breathed the very breath into our nostrils that we breath.

Let the One who has sustained me and blessed me beyond all measure amidst my grief and agony.. Let Him be your all in all. Let him be The God who gives you comfort as he has comforted me through the longest night of my life.


When you feel that you cannot hang on one second longer.. Know Him that is able to save completely and is able to bind up your broken heart and fill you with his presence that surpasses all human understanding.

I know and will give Him all the Glory forever. Does it mean that I will no longer grieve or feel anger at the circumstances of my life.. No but through it all I've learned to Trust in Jesus, I've learned to trust in God, no matter what life throws at me. I know that God is bigger than my problems and I will praise Him.


Amen!!

"Stepping on Toes"

Tonight, I am most likely going to be "stepping on toes". I am not pointing a bony finger at any one person in particular so please don't be offended! These are just some things that I have noticed and am bothered by and I thought I would pen them down.

Big breath.. now a big release!!

I want to say that when I drive around town, I see little and I mean little children out in the streets and alleys. I look to see "where's the mom? Is the dad nearby? Who's watching that kid any how. NO-ONE!!!

As I was driving to do my weekly visitation of someone who is in jail, the other day, there were about 5 or 6 small children ranging from 18m or less to about 5 years of age. An oncoming car was trying to proceed around the corner.. the baby was directly in the street. I wildly motioned for the driver to stop and wait, because I could see what she could not. A BABY!

The driver stopped and I called for one of the little ones to remove the baby from the street.. Then I got angry as I realized.. my goodness they are all just babies.. There was no mother no father no adult anywhere to be seen, except me and the other driver. She wagged her head in disbelief too!!

I was in the store yesterday getting stuff for my own sick children and there comes a little 2 or 3 year old.. calling mama mama.. i looked.. no mama..nowhere to be seen. little girl is crying.. then I look and there comes what must have been the sister. Looking for mama. Apparently, "Mama" thought it was a good idea to let her two children out of her sight while she was over in the magazine section checking out the latest gossip of Angelina and Jen and seeing what's coming on the soaps this week.

Okay here comes the ouchy part.. People need to wake up.. we don't live back in the 30's and 40's folks when the worst thing that could happen was Johnny stole a penny candy at the grocer shop.

No, we are living in a kid knap-rampant society, where uncles kill their nieces, where a neighbor has no qualms about going into a house and abducting a child. We live in a place where people pretend to be a nurse and steal a sick baby right out of the NICU. How sick is that!!

I was at the park a while back and there came two little fellows about the same age as my Jack and Garrett( add a year not much more) and they were at the park for about an hour..I did talk to them and said you boys should be getting home (dusk was upon the situation) and go straight home, don't stop to talk to anyone and tell your mommy that you are home.

My daughter said.." that makes you look like a sicko-Mom. I said no the one that looks like a sicko is the one sitting on her coach watching O or Dr. P and not giving a doggone that her two boys were in danger.. not from me, but what if a stranger had been there and decided ..." oh these are just the type I am looking for." And believe -you- me they are out there.
They were friendly little chaps as most young fellers are, a candy bribe or could you help me find my lost doggie story and those two could have disappeared for ever without a trace and why.. because someone wasn't watching.
My kids tell me almost daily that I am way too over protective and I should lighten up the reigns.

My reply to that is when you are a mom you can determine when to loosen things up a little bit.
So folks, let's go back to the basics of life where we know where our kids are at all times.. when I say no it still means no!! it doesn't mean push past no and see just how far you can get without hanging your self in that loop hole you found.
Mom's and dad's this is for you.. and any one who has care of children..
pay attention to where they are .. keep them with you as much as possible check on the computer pages. erase all filth. and do not allow them to think that just because they turned a certain age, you have no control.. cuz we have control and responsibility of them until they are moved into their own place and are making it on their own in life.

Okay enough stepping on toes.. I'm going to get some ZZZZZZ's

To be 16

16 years ago today,
I lay on a white bed,
screaming my head off,
pushing for all I was worth
forever it seemed.
They could see hair.
blonde they said.
I could just feel pain.
Pure agony. Just get her out.
I wailed.
I prevailed.
She came.
She cried.
She looked around .
She is Hannah.
Hannah is outspoken and strong willed.
Hannah is a loop hole finder.
Hannah is a friend without question.
Hannah is a scrapper and a fighter.
She is Hannah.
She sets her mind.
Try to change it.
She will get what she wants.
She is in charge and don't forget it.
She knows no limits.
She is my Hannah.
Black hair not Blonde when she was born.
They were blind.. not me..
Now she has Blonde hair, shines like gold.
Her hair gives her fits, it has to be cut!
She is my Hannah.
There are days when we butt heads,
Say words we probably shouldn't say,
Go in our own separate ways,
Say fine be that way..
She is my Hannah.

I love her dearly and wouldn't trade her for the
world. though I often joke her
that if someone were to kidnap her
they would bring her back with an apology note
and I would be glad to say
Good.. because she is my Hannah.
Happy birthday sweetheart and I hope that
life leads you down a road of happiness
and that one day you will find your dreams
and they will all come true.

I love you my Hannah. I do and don't ever forget it.

It's Possible

This writing is to inspire you in your life.. I will keep it fresh and real as always.. I hope that you're inspired and this helps you make it thru yet another day..

If you know me personally, you know that life has been throwing me a curve ball about every other day or so. I think that the deck of cards has been stacked against me and the "house" so to speak is trying to cash in what chips I have left of sanity.

So here is a small portion, cuz I am still not truly at liberty to "tell all" maybe in a couple of months, I will be able to do so but for now, just know that the past 13 months have definitely been the most difficult in all of my life.

Foster homes, mental, physical, emotional abuse, neglect, trauma of every kind, you name it and I most likely experienced it. Fast forward to adulthood. Five miscarriages, a lost adoption, a failed marriage.

A second marriage.. to a guy that I love and cherish.. but I can't go there right now, because there's many chapters about this that I cannot post right now. I will sometime, I promise.

I have had my share of heart aches and disappointments to say the least, and that most likely, the past 13 months have been the worst of my life.
Loneliness, heart aches, disaster of every shape and form ( I have a 2 and a 3 yr old.) Being a mother of four children and trying to raise them on my own.

Currently, my ex husband is suing me for custody of my two daughters.. of which is a laughable joke, but no joking matter. His record is less than pristine. His absent-ness in their lives for the past five years will speak volumes. My records of child support or lack there of is black and white proof of his failure as a father.. yet he says he is the better parent!

Then on top of all of this I have issues with other people in my life that instead of trying to help, they want to criticize and hurt my feelings to boot.

Let's just say that life has been one thing after the next and I haven't actually gone berserk yet, though a few times, I think I saw the men in the little white coats just around the corner ready to take me in. Or better yet, whenever there is a loud knock on the door I automatically assume that it is the cops! That is a shame, right. Yeah! That's what I think too.

I will switch gears to the real reason of this post.

Sometimes life is "helter-skelter!" Life throws a monkey wrench or two or a hundred in my case> Kids scream. Messes happen. Feelings get hurt. Challenges are all around. Bills have to get paid (sometimes even when we don't know where the dough will come from..right?) The house needs cleaned. The dogs bark, people we care about are sick and die. Teenager issues, older parent issues, etc.` Your nerves feel like they will explode if one more thing occurs.. right?

Yep! The list could go on and on and fill up a whole page or more. If I polled each one of you and all your friends and family, we would find out that life is full of stress and chaos.
Is it possible to be happy and content in these situations.. I think the answer is yes. Do I think that we have to have a smile plastered across our faces all the time, no and that's not real.

Honestly, I know the only way that I have not succumbed to the overwhelming urge to throw in the towel in my life on many occasions, has been the fact that I have the Lord on my side.

The God I serve is bigger than any of my problems and since I realize that he created the entire universe, knows each star by name and can remember the events of my life from the moment of conception until now and knows all those details for the 6 billion other people in this world too, I can rest and let Him handle things.

He sees the whole picture as a whole, whereas I only see the little bits and chunks of my life and mostly only have memories of the past, I know the current pretty well, but have no clue of what the next moment or how the future will play out.

I have come to a better understanding of what happened to Job in the Old Testament.
God asked Satan, "have you considered my servant Job?" to which Satan replied "yes but you have your hand of protection on him."
With that God allowed Satan to touch certain aspects of Job's life, but God still held the upper hand, as to exactly what Satan was allowed to do and what he was not permitted to do. Yep! He pretty well destroyed every aspect of Job's life. But God WAS STILL IN CONTROL.

That has been my stabilizer during everything that I have been going thru. God is in ultimate control and will allow things to occur in our lives but he won't let Satan go beyond what he is allowed to do.

This is what can give us peace in the storm and help us to remain calm in the biggest crisis we have been in yet. I say yet, because until you are dead and gone, a bigger one could come.

It's how I can say to my ex husband.. you know even if the judge would award you custody of our children, even though you have proven to be a "dead- beat" dad for most of their lives.. I know that God has a plan and is in control.

The fact that God has the proverbial "wheel of life", helps when people criticize instead of help me.

I rest each night in the arms of Jesus, knowing that yes I could lose my $, but if that should happen I know the Creator of the Universe and I believe Him when he promises to provide all my needs.

So today, take stock in the fact that God is in control, no matter what the circumstances are and if you allow God to be God you will still be able to smile when the hurricane called "life" comes rushing through!!
Have a great day and know that God Is In Control!!

What's worse a messy house or..

I am going to talk about something today, that is a sore subject for some people..

You know me, I always keep it real and it's usually fresh off the press of my heart.

Today, I had something happen that I don't feel should ever happen.

A person who is supposed to be very close to me and love me even if I have faults and even if one of them is the fact that my house isn't always "perfect."

Guess what? It generally isn't.. until about 8 pm at night and then the "momsters" go to bed and what I just cleaned stays that way until the four of them come charging down the steps the next morning, raring to greet the day and ready to sweep thru like a raging bull in a china closet.

So here is the story.. I was talking to this dear person on the phone and so that no feelings get hurt (except mine of course.. I will not insert a name.. fair enough.)

I was talking on the phone to this person and the conversation seemed to be going okay.. then I asked the person if they would like to come down to visit me on the weekend because I missed them and just wanted to spend some time with them.

As always, with this person.. I was putting myself out there to be trampled on, because the answer is usually the same "Well we are busy with our lives and you know that someone is working..."

So I started to back off to spare my feelings of hurt from coming thru the phone.. and that is when the person said "well you should be able to read thru the lines here."

Actually, I am a nice person and kind of naive at times so I said truthfully, "no I don't know what you mean about reading between the lines."

They said "Well, I don't want to be at your house for a long period of time and actually I don't even want to eat at your house.. the last time I was there, your house was so bad.. why if children and youth would see your daughters bed room.. oh my you might get condemned.."

To which I very quickly kicked into my "protection of me" mode * see note at the end*
and said "oh that is okay, I've gotta go now." and immediately hung up the phone and of course started to cry.

My home isn't perfect by any sense of the word, but it is my home and I do the best that I can to keep it cozy and comfortable for my family and for any who choose to visit.

You know what hurts the most, is the fact that we shouldn't have to have our guard up around our hearts to protect us from daggers from people who are supposed to be our support base, the ones we turn to when we need love, the ones we love unconditionally, even when they hurt us.

To me, if I would ever treat another person that way, that would be worse than having a deplorable house. The person's heart is way more important to me than what they look like or the condition of their home.

Am I advocating that people should live in filth and just say to heck with it I quit..
No I am saying that in life, not all things are perfect, and usually no one thinks their house is ever quite clean enough. But one thing is for certain.. if you called me up and said Georgia I am hurting right now, could I come over.. my door would swing wide to let you have room to unload the heavy burden of your heart and I hope that if I served you tea you would overlook the fact that perhaps the cup may have a slight chip in the side.

I would rather have a chip in the cup or a spot of dirt on the floor, maybe even a cobweb hanging from above than have a chip in my heart or soil in my attitude, or clobber someone that I love with the words that I may say.

Let us choose carefully the way we treat others remembering that we are all not perfect and in one way or the other we all fall short of The Glory of God.

Lord, right here in the public view of whoever reads this blog.. let me pray for the one that stuck a dagger in my heart today and gave it a good hardy twist. Please bless that person with a dose of joy so that they may over look my faults and short comings even my chaotic house..

And Lord, help me to remember that I get my worth from being your daughter and that even though I may not be good enough for certain people.. Lord I am good enough for you and that will help me to sleep easier in my bed tonight.. even if I don't make it properly in the morning.


What is my protection of me mode: No one is going to disrespect me any more. I will walk away, get in my car and drive away or hang up the phone..

The reason why?

Cuz my name is not"Matt" door mat

You think you got it tough?

You think your life is so hard?

Your life could be different?

Maybe you wish for a different house or different kids
(only on certain days I know..)

Well, tonight I am going to share with you a couple of real life stories..

I have a friend named "L". L has been incarcerated for 36 years. She is 65 years old and will spend the rest of her natural life in prison.

I I have a friend "R" that has been arrested 37 times and that last one will land him in state prison for the next 30 years without parole. "R" is 65.

I have another friend that is in prison for 12-25 years and was threatened that if he didn't cooperate with new laws that were formulated after his initial incarceration.. that If you don't comply with these new laws you will serve your maximum sentence.

I know someone who plead guilty to crimes he didn't commit and was jailed for 2-30 years and will most likely spend a good portion of the latter number in jail for reasons that are beyond my understanding.

I know a lady that is in jail for several more years for harming her child.. she is being punished for a crime that she committed but honestly doesn't have the understanding of an adult and therefore shouldn't have been tried as such.

I know a man that viewed and downloaded hundreds of videos of porn.. yes kiddy porn.. and will spend the next ten years in a Federal Prison.

I know a man that was accused not once but twice of touching a child in an inappropriate way and was convicted both times and I am convinced of his innocence.. I know more about this person than I do all the others. I am strongly aware of every detail of this case.

To most people this comes as a shock that I would associate with the "likes of these"
but to me they are just people. All of them are people searching for God and seeking truth and life.

Lord let me be the one that loves these that are disgraceful, let me be the one that you place your mantle on, the one that the prisoners can come home and talk to.

Lord let me be the eyes for the unsightly, let me be your hands of those that are broken, let me be your arms to reach around a mom and her kids when all seems to fail.

Let me be a miracle in their deepest darkest night.

Pour me out as a drink offering to the ones who are in prison, to show them Lord
that though the world despises them, Lord that you still love and cherish them and that you have their name carved in the palm of your hands.

Let me be a ray of hope that can somehow pull them from the depths of despair. Let the words that flow from my pen be guarded by angels as they read with tears flowing down their cheeks onto their heart, that you loved them and died for them and choose that none should perish

Lord let me love them as you have loved me and not look at them with a judging spirit.. But with the eyes of Jesus. Full of love and compassion for the hurting souls.

When I think that my days are so very long and so awfully Hard.. let me remember "L" who doesn't know how long until she draws her final breath, ( that I know there are times she wished it would finally come today.)

Let my heart remember that if it wasn't for your mercy and grace in my life, God, that I could be sitting on my cot day after day and wondering when will that last breath come. Or when will someone finally be my friend and give me some hope?

Think your life is tough,, and yes each of us goes through things that are extremely difficult, sometimes unbearable and down right unbelievable. Trust me, I know, because for the past five years.. I have had one night mare after the other and just when I think it couldn't get any worse than the unthinkable happens and another chapter has begun.

Lord, let my eyes see your people who are hurting and allow me to pour your love into them and make them brand new just like you did for me.

Lord make me whole and complete.. so the love that pours out of me comes straight from you. Amen

A Happy Face

Sometimes in life you see people that always have a "happy face."

There are those that always seem to "have it together."

Then there are those that are like me and wear their emotions on their sleeve, so to speak. For me it is next to impossible to hide the feelings that reside in the heart. If I am happy it truly does radiate on my face. If there is heartache that lies just beneath the surface of my shirt (most likely stained by my two year old and three year old thinking I am their napkin) Oh sorry back on point..

If that heart ache is there it could erupt like a dam bursting in a flood of emotion. This past year.. I have gone through something that most people don't have to experience in a lifetime. (It's not over yet and doesn't look like it will be for a very long time.)

I know that My Lord has carried me through days of total chaos and confusion, tears and sobbing in my darkest of nights. His strong arms have supported me in the overwhelming flood. He has never left me forsaken or standing alone.

I desire to tell any who read this post that when the rivers of life are engulfing and the storm clouds crash all around.. God is able to deliver thee safe unto his sheltering arms of mercy and He is only a prayer away.

When you feel alone, lost, confused, when you feel that if one more thing should be dumped in your lap that you will collapse under the strain.. that is when the Lord will lift you up. You shall run and not be weary, you shall walk and not faint you shall mount up with wings of an eagle.

So I do try to keep a "happy face" on despite the circumstance of my life and if you know me, the chapters have been coming one right after the other, with an intensity of Mount Saint Helen's eruption and a swift hurricane rushing through the gulf of Mexico all at the same time.

Many days, a friend or two.. will call and the tears will come gushing out along with all the emotions that have caused them, will rush out too. I am so thankful that I have a handful of friends that have constantly supported me through this year. I appreciate all of them "just checking to see how I am." Without the Lord and the ones here that really do care I think this ol ship would have sunk straight away to the bottom of this ocean of doom and gloom and agony on me.

Have you ever said to someone (kind of in passing in church or the store..) "So how are you?" Perhaps the next time you say those words you should look into the eyes of the one who holds that "happy face" and see if their eyes tell a story that their lies can't hide.

Let's not be so quick to want to hurry along and be on our way. There are people who are holding that "happy face" but they are about to crack. Maybe today is the day that you could show someone that you truly do care what their answer is to.. "So how are you?"

I hope that if you are ever in need of a friend and feel that you have no one that gives a hoot what you are going through, that first of all you will call on The Lord, because he binds up the broken hearted and heals the wounds that rip our hearts to shreds.

If you need a friend with "skin On" you can contact me.. I don't have all the answers, but I know the God that does and I know how to pray and be a friend. You can also read my friend's blog at the nonreligious christian.com and she also has some great insights.

Take care and as my fortune cookie said the other day put a smile on your face and it will take the place of where two grouches were.

Get under it, or through it, You choose.

This blog will be personal to a point and I will deliberately leave things out for the mere fact that this is the web and there are things that should not be posted for the world to view.

If you have read any of my blogs or know me personally, you know that there are things in my life that have been very horrible. You know some of the struggles that I have had, and are currently experiencing. But there are things that no one knows except me and God.

I will tell you that as a young person, had you ever told me of the things that would happen to me and my family, I most likely would not have believed you and said "No way not me, I wouldn't be able to survive through all of that" ( and I am sure there is more to come.. cuz last I knew.. I'm not dead yet!)

I'll name a few things for you..
About a hundred foster homes, some good some grotesquely horrible. Physical, mental, emotional and sexual abuse. Neglect. A failed marriage.
Five miscarriages, a lost adoption. A loss of a client that I loved and took care of in my home for 10 years. Broken relationships. Heartaches beyond measure. Deaths of loved ones that were the back bone of my life. I think I've cried about two oceans by now and had things happen that shouldn't happen to even an enemy.

Right here, I could list a bunch of other pertinent stuff, but it's better left unsaid. Let's just say that for the last five years God has challenged my faith beyond what I could ever think or imagine.

Currently, I am under the most severe stress a person could be under.. no I take that back, it could probably be worse, so let me be quiet, lest I speak it into being.

What does this matter to the person viewing this blog. Well, it's like this. We all go through different things in our lives. We all have struggles and misfortunes.
There are events in all our lives that we wish we could erase, things we wished never occurred.

For me, though, I wouldn't change my history, past present or future. Why? Because all through my life, God has been my Constant. My Anchor. My Rock of salvation. My Hope. My Peace and my source of Joy. My Father.

The title of this writing: Get under it or through it, you choose.
Yes, life is hard and beyond our control. We do not know what is going to be thrown at us next.

We can wallow in self pity.. oh poor me.. I was abused and suffered at the hands of many.. or we can let it shape us so that we can help others who are victims of society.

We can walk around thinking ..what if that never happened or maybe I should have done something else in my life.. perhaps chosen a different career or another mate.

Or we could be glad for our lives and thank God for giving us life lessons and experiences along the way, that proved He was with us every step and when we could not go on, that is when He carried us.. like the foot prints in the sand poem. (not sure of the author).

You could let life take you down and harbor all kinds of grief, anger and resentment or you can determine to get through it, with God's grace and mercy, and become better for it.

Life is mostly about attitude and outlook, not what happened, but how will I handle it. I read that we should respond not react!

I will take my title a little further.. don't get under it or merely through it, rather Rise above it and become better for it.

Let God help you to see that you are a child of His and that his plan is the best for your life, even when you think something else sounds a whole lot better right now.

Down in the Dumps

There are days when a person feels down in the dumps. There are days when a person doesn't feel that anything is going right and all is wrong with the world. Today is one of those days for me.
I have been dealing with personal issues that I cannot "blog" for the world to see. The only ones that know truly what is going on are those that are very close to me. If someone else would like to know what is going on, then they probably haven't bothered to check on me to see what is going on and how I am truly doing. (and perhaps that is part of my down feelings, today.)
A true thank you to my very close friends that call me and ask me how are you doing in spite of it all. I cherish you and really do thank you with the tears flowing out of my eyes, even as I am writing this blog.
See, most of the world sees me as this big strong person, with a smile plastered across my face, but there are days, like today when those stinging tears, lie just beneath the surface of my eyes, and could burst from the seams at any moment.
I know that lots of people love and care for me, but sometimes, I just get so tired of feeling the weight of this burden that I bare. I know that I am not alone, that God is actually carrying me through this, but it is hard and I never wish this on anyone. I never wish for you to be alone and have to deal with the legal issues that I have had to endure for the past five years, seemingly with no one on my side, that can truly help.
I never wish that you should have to see someone that you love and cherish be publicly humiliated, and destroyed while you have to sit there and watch and feel that there is no-one in the "Justice" system that even cares, rather they are all in it for political reasons, out to destroy a person, and their whole family, so they can say that they have one more notch in their belt.
I never hope that you have to cry your self to sleep at night because of the loneliness that engulfs your soul like that black night that so easily encrouches around you.
I hope that it is never your plot in life to be left standing alone when you wish that someone could just wrap their arms around you and say, don't worry this is going to be over soon, but you know in reality that it is just getting started and that there seems like nothing you can do, but watch and grieve for the one you love.
Hopefully the ones that you would lay your life down for in a blink of an eye, will never tell you that yo have ruined their lives and that you are a worthless waste of a space , horrible, person.
Sometimes in life, we have to go through things, but I wonder when it will stop being so hard and just for a reprieve of good to start happening. I long for that to happen. For the flood gates of heaven to open up, to pour down over me and my family, to stop the wretched hail, the locust from destroying who and what we are, for the clouds to dissipate and the rainbow in the sky to appear and yes for the pot of gold to be at the other end. I long for refreshing and for peace, yet what I receive is hard, horrible, unbelievable, unjust , unfair, humiliation and on it goes.
I know other people have it way worse than me, but you know I think that my life has been extremely difficult and I have overcome a huge amount and today, I am pleading with my God to allow some good to happen. Let their be true victory in the Lord's camp. Let the devil and all his imps go back to hell and to leave me alone.
Let God's goodness overpower this depression and his joy kill the anger that tries to destroy my faith. Let me even in my distress call out to God and he will surely hear me and answer me from heaven. He will wipe away my tears and transform my heartache into everlasting bliss.
Forgive me Lord for complaining, and help me to remember that even in the midst of this wretched storm, you are here and you are carrying me across this barren dessert into your oasis.
Let me be comforted with your scriptures:
For you are my hiding place: you protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory. Psalm 32:7

Down in the umps