Tonight, I am most likely going to be "stepping on toes". I am not pointing a bony finger at any one person in particular so please don't be offended! These are just some things that I have noticed and am bothered by and I thought I would pen them down.
Big breath.. now a big release!!
I want to say that when I drive around town, I see little and I mean little children out in the streets and alleys. I look to see "where's the mom? Is the dad nearby? Who's watching that kid any how. NO-ONE!!!
As I was driving to do my weekly visitation of someone who is in jail, the other day, there were about 5 or 6 small children ranging from 18m or less to about 5 years of age. An oncoming car was trying to proceed around the corner.. the baby was directly in the street. I wildly motioned for the driver to stop and wait, because I could see what she could not. A BABY!
The driver stopped and I called for one of the little ones to remove the baby from the street.. Then I got angry as I realized.. my goodness they are all just babies.. There was no mother no father no adult anywhere to be seen, except me and the other driver. She wagged her head in disbelief too!!
I was in the store yesterday getting stuff for my own sick children and there comes a little 2 or 3 year old.. calling mama mama.. i looked.. no mama..nowhere to be seen. little girl is crying.. then I look and there comes what must have been the sister. Looking for mama. Apparently, "Mama" thought it was a good idea to let her two children out of her sight while she was over in the magazine section checking out the latest gossip of Angelina and Jen and seeing what's coming on the soaps this week.
Okay here comes the ouchy part.. People need to wake up.. we don't live back in the 30's and 40's folks when the worst thing that could happen was Johnny stole a penny candy at the grocer shop.
No, we are living in a kid knap-rampant society, where uncles kill their nieces, where a neighbor has no qualms about going into a house and abducting a child. We live in a place where people pretend to be a nurse and steal a sick baby right out of the NICU. How sick is that!!
I was at the park a while back and there came two little fellows about the same age as my Jack and Garrett( add a year not much more) and they were at the park for about an hour..I did talk to them and said you boys should be getting home (dusk was upon the situation) and go straight home, don't stop to talk to anyone and tell your mommy that you are home.
My daughter said.." that makes you look like a sicko-Mom. I said no the one that looks like a sicko is the one sitting on her coach watching O or Dr. P and not giving a doggone that her two boys were in danger.. not from me, but what if a stranger had been there and decided ..." oh these are just the type I am looking for." And believe -you- me they are out there.
They were friendly little chaps as most young fellers are, a candy bribe or could you help me find my lost doggie story and those two could have disappeared for ever without a trace and why.. because someone wasn't watching.
My kids tell me almost daily that I am way too over protective and I should lighten up the reigns.
My reply to that is when you are a mom you can determine when to loosen things up a little bit.
So folks, let's go back to the basics of life where we know where our kids are at all times.. when I say no it still means no!! it doesn't mean push past no and see just how far you can get without hanging your self in that loop hole you found.
Mom's and dad's this is for you.. and any one who has care of children..
pay attention to where they are .. keep them with you as much as possible check on the computer pages. erase all filth. and do not allow them to think that just because they turned a certain age, you have no control.. cuz we have control and responsibility of them until they are moved into their own place and are making it on their own in life.
Okay enough stepping on toes.. I'm going to get some ZZZZZZ's
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
To be 16
16 years ago today,
I lay on a white bed,
screaming my head off,
pushing for all I was worth
forever it seemed.
They could see hair.
blonde they said.
I could just feel pain.
Pure agony. Just get her out.
I wailed.
I prevailed.
She came.
She cried.
She looked around .
She is Hannah.
Hannah is outspoken and strong willed.
Hannah is a loop hole finder.
Hannah is a friend without question.
Hannah is a scrapper and a fighter.
She is Hannah.
She sets her mind.
Try to change it.
She will get what she wants.
She is in charge and don't forget it.
She knows no limits.
She is my Hannah.
Black hair not Blonde when she was born.
They were blind.. not me..
Now she has Blonde hair, shines like gold.
Her hair gives her fits, it has to be cut!
She is my Hannah.
There are days when we butt heads,
Say words we probably shouldn't say,
Go in our own separate ways,
Say fine be that way..
She is my Hannah.
I love her dearly and wouldn't trade her for the
world. though I often joke her
that if someone were to kidnap her
they would bring her back with an apology note
and I would be glad to say
Good.. because she is my Hannah.
Happy birthday sweetheart and I hope that
life leads you down a road of happiness
and that one day you will find your dreams
and they will all come true.
I love you my Hannah. I do and don't ever forget it.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
It's Possible
This writing is to inspire you in your life.. I will keep it fresh and real as always.. I hope that you're inspired and this helps you make it thru yet another day..
If you know me personally, you know that life has been throwing me a curve ball about every other day or so. I think that the deck of cards has been stacked against me and the "house" so to speak is trying to cash in what chips I have left of sanity.
So here is a small portion, cuz I am still not truly at liberty to "tell all" maybe in a couple of months, I will be able to do so but for now, just know that the past 13 months have definitely been the most difficult in all of my life.
Foster homes, mental, physical, emotional abuse, neglect, trauma of every kind, you name it and I most likely experienced it. Fast forward to adulthood. Five miscarriages, a lost adoption, a failed marriage.
A second marriage.. to a guy that I love and cherish.. but I can't go there right now, because there's many chapters about this that I cannot post right now. I will sometime, I promise.
I have had my share of heart aches and disappointments to say the least, and that most likely, the past 13 months have been the worst of my life.
Loneliness, heart aches, disaster of every shape and form ( I have a 2 and a 3 yr old.) Being a mother of four children and trying to raise them on my own.
Currently, my ex husband is suing me for custody of my two daughters.. of which is a laughable joke, but no joking matter. His record is less than pristine. His absent-ness in their lives for the past five years will speak volumes. My records of child support or lack there of is black and white proof of his failure as a father.. yet he says he is the better parent!
Then on top of all of this I have issues with other people in my life that instead of trying to help, they want to criticize and hurt my feelings to boot.
Let's just say that life has been one thing after the next and I haven't actually gone berserk yet, though a few times, I think I saw the men in the little white coats just around the corner ready to take me in. Or better yet, whenever there is a loud knock on the door I automatically assume that it is the cops! That is a shame, right. Yeah! That's what I think too.
I will switch gears to the real reason of this post.
Sometimes life is "helter-skelter!" Life throws a monkey wrench or two or a hundred in my case> Kids scream. Messes happen. Feelings get hurt. Challenges are all around. Bills have to get paid (sometimes even when we don't know where the dough will come from..right?) The house needs cleaned. The dogs bark, people we care about are sick and die. Teenager issues, older parent issues, etc.` Your nerves feel like they will explode if one more thing occurs.. right?
Yep! The list could go on and on and fill up a whole page or more. If I polled each one of you and all your friends and family, we would find out that life is full of stress and chaos.
Is it possible to be happy and content in these situations.. I think the answer is yes. Do I think that we have to have a smile plastered across our faces all the time, no and that's not real.
Honestly, I know the only way that I have not succumbed to the overwhelming urge to throw in the towel in my life on many occasions, has been the fact that I have the Lord on my side.
The God I serve is bigger than any of my problems and since I realize that he created the entire universe, knows each star by name and can remember the events of my life from the moment of conception until now and knows all those details for the 6 billion other people in this world too, I can rest and let Him handle things.
He sees the whole picture as a whole, whereas I only see the little bits and chunks of my life and mostly only have memories of the past, I know the current pretty well, but have no clue of what the next moment or how the future will play out.
I have come to a better understanding of what happened to Job in the Old Testament.
God asked Satan, "have you considered my servant Job?" to which Satan replied "yes but you have your hand of protection on him."
With that God allowed Satan to touch certain aspects of Job's life, but God still held the upper hand, as to exactly what Satan was allowed to do and what he was not permitted to do. Yep! He pretty well destroyed every aspect of Job's life. But God WAS STILL IN CONTROL.
That has been my stabilizer during everything that I have been going thru. God is in ultimate control and will allow things to occur in our lives but he won't let Satan go beyond what he is allowed to do.
This is what can give us peace in the storm and help us to remain calm in the biggest crisis we have been in yet. I say yet, because until you are dead and gone, a bigger one could come.
It's how I can say to my ex husband.. you know even if the judge would award you custody of our children, even though you have proven to be a "dead- beat" dad for most of their lives.. I know that God has a plan and is in control.
The fact that God has the proverbial "wheel of life", helps when people criticize instead of help me.
I rest each night in the arms of Jesus, knowing that yes I could lose my $, but if that should happen I know the Creator of the Universe and I believe Him when he promises to provide all my needs.
So today, take stock in the fact that God is in control, no matter what the circumstances are and if you allow God to be God you will still be able to smile when the hurricane called "life" comes rushing through!!
Have a great day and know that God Is In Control!!
If you know me personally, you know that life has been throwing me a curve ball about every other day or so. I think that the deck of cards has been stacked against me and the "house" so to speak is trying to cash in what chips I have left of sanity.
So here is a small portion, cuz I am still not truly at liberty to "tell all" maybe in a couple of months, I will be able to do so but for now, just know that the past 13 months have definitely been the most difficult in all of my life.
Foster homes, mental, physical, emotional abuse, neglect, trauma of every kind, you name it and I most likely experienced it. Fast forward to adulthood. Five miscarriages, a lost adoption, a failed marriage.
A second marriage.. to a guy that I love and cherish.. but I can't go there right now, because there's many chapters about this that I cannot post right now. I will sometime, I promise.
I have had my share of heart aches and disappointments to say the least, and that most likely, the past 13 months have been the worst of my life.
Loneliness, heart aches, disaster of every shape and form ( I have a 2 and a 3 yr old.) Being a mother of four children and trying to raise them on my own.
Currently, my ex husband is suing me for custody of my two daughters.. of which is a laughable joke, but no joking matter. His record is less than pristine. His absent-ness in their lives for the past five years will speak volumes. My records of child support or lack there of is black and white proof of his failure as a father.. yet he says he is the better parent!
Then on top of all of this I have issues with other people in my life that instead of trying to help, they want to criticize and hurt my feelings to boot.
Let's just say that life has been one thing after the next and I haven't actually gone berserk yet, though a few times, I think I saw the men in the little white coats just around the corner ready to take me in. Or better yet, whenever there is a loud knock on the door I automatically assume that it is the cops! That is a shame, right. Yeah! That's what I think too.
I will switch gears to the real reason of this post.
Sometimes life is "helter-skelter!" Life throws a monkey wrench or two or a hundred in my case> Kids scream. Messes happen. Feelings get hurt. Challenges are all around. Bills have to get paid (sometimes even when we don't know where the dough will come from..right?) The house needs cleaned. The dogs bark, people we care about are sick and die. Teenager issues, older parent issues, etc.` Your nerves feel like they will explode if one more thing occurs.. right?
Yep! The list could go on and on and fill up a whole page or more. If I polled each one of you and all your friends and family, we would find out that life is full of stress and chaos.
Is it possible to be happy and content in these situations.. I think the answer is yes. Do I think that we have to have a smile plastered across our faces all the time, no and that's not real.
Honestly, I know the only way that I have not succumbed to the overwhelming urge to throw in the towel in my life on many occasions, has been the fact that I have the Lord on my side.
The God I serve is bigger than any of my problems and since I realize that he created the entire universe, knows each star by name and can remember the events of my life from the moment of conception until now and knows all those details for the 6 billion other people in this world too, I can rest and let Him handle things.
He sees the whole picture as a whole, whereas I only see the little bits and chunks of my life and mostly only have memories of the past, I know the current pretty well, but have no clue of what the next moment or how the future will play out.
I have come to a better understanding of what happened to Job in the Old Testament.
God asked Satan, "have you considered my servant Job?" to which Satan replied "yes but you have your hand of protection on him."
With that God allowed Satan to touch certain aspects of Job's life, but God still held the upper hand, as to exactly what Satan was allowed to do and what he was not permitted to do. Yep! He pretty well destroyed every aspect of Job's life. But God WAS STILL IN CONTROL.
That has been my stabilizer during everything that I have been going thru. God is in ultimate control and will allow things to occur in our lives but he won't let Satan go beyond what he is allowed to do.
This is what can give us peace in the storm and help us to remain calm in the biggest crisis we have been in yet. I say yet, because until you are dead and gone, a bigger one could come.
It's how I can say to my ex husband.. you know even if the judge would award you custody of our children, even though you have proven to be a "dead- beat" dad for most of their lives.. I know that God has a plan and is in control.
The fact that God has the proverbial "wheel of life", helps when people criticize instead of help me.
I rest each night in the arms of Jesus, knowing that yes I could lose my $, but if that should happen I know the Creator of the Universe and I believe Him when he promises to provide all my needs.
So today, take stock in the fact that God is in control, no matter what the circumstances are and if you allow God to be God you will still be able to smile when the hurricane called "life" comes rushing through!!
Have a great day and know that God Is In Control!!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
What's worse a messy house or..
I am going to talk about something today, that is a sore subject for some people..
You know me, I always keep it real and it's usually fresh off the press of my heart.
Today, I had something happen that I don't feel should ever happen.
A person who is supposed to be very close to me and love me even if I have faults and even if one of them is the fact that my house isn't always "perfect."
Guess what? It generally isn't.. until about 8 pm at night and then the "momsters" go to bed and what I just cleaned stays that way until the four of them come charging down the steps the next morning, raring to greet the day and ready to sweep thru like a raging bull in a china closet.
So here is the story.. I was talking to this dear person on the phone and so that no feelings get hurt (except mine of course.. I will not insert a name.. fair enough.)
I was talking on the phone to this person and the conversation seemed to be going okay.. then I asked the person if they would like to come down to visit me on the weekend because I missed them and just wanted to spend some time with them.
As always, with this person.. I was putting myself out there to be trampled on, because the answer is usually the same "Well we are busy with our lives and you know that someone is working..."
So I started to back off to spare my feelings of hurt from coming thru the phone.. and that is when the person said "well you should be able to read thru the lines here."
Actually, I am a nice person and kind of naive at times so I said truthfully, "no I don't know what you mean about reading between the lines."
They said "Well, I don't want to be at your house for a long period of time and actually I don't even want to eat at your house.. the last time I was there, your house was so bad.. why if children and youth would see your daughters bed room.. oh my you might get condemned.."
To which I very quickly kicked into my "protection of me" mode * see note at the end*
and said "oh that is okay, I've gotta go now." and immediately hung up the phone and of course started to cry.
My home isn't perfect by any sense of the word, but it is my home and I do the best that I can to keep it cozy and comfortable for my family and for any who choose to visit.
You know what hurts the most, is the fact that we shouldn't have to have our guard up around our hearts to protect us from daggers from people who are supposed to be our support base, the ones we turn to when we need love, the ones we love unconditionally, even when they hurt us.
To me, if I would ever treat another person that way, that would be worse than having a deplorable house. The person's heart is way more important to me than what they look like or the condition of their home.
Am I advocating that people should live in filth and just say to heck with it I quit..
No I am saying that in life, not all things are perfect, and usually no one thinks their house is ever quite clean enough. But one thing is for certain.. if you called me up and said Georgia I am hurting right now, could I come over.. my door would swing wide to let you have room to unload the heavy burden of your heart and I hope that if I served you tea you would overlook the fact that perhaps the cup may have a slight chip in the side.
I would rather have a chip in the cup or a spot of dirt on the floor, maybe even a cobweb hanging from above than have a chip in my heart or soil in my attitude, or clobber someone that I love with the words that I may say.
Let us choose carefully the way we treat others remembering that we are all not perfect and in one way or the other we all fall short of The Glory of God.
Lord, right here in the public view of whoever reads this blog.. let me pray for the one that stuck a dagger in my heart today and gave it a good hardy twist. Please bless that person with a dose of joy so that they may over look my faults and short comings even my chaotic house..
And Lord, help me to remember that I get my worth from being your daughter and that even though I may not be good enough for certain people.. Lord I am good enough for you and that will help me to sleep easier in my bed tonight.. even if I don't make it properly in the morning.
What is my protection of me mode: No one is going to disrespect me any more. I will walk away, get in my car and drive away or hang up the phone..
The reason why?
Cuz my name is not"Matt" door mat
You know me, I always keep it real and it's usually fresh off the press of my heart.
Today, I had something happen that I don't feel should ever happen.
A person who is supposed to be very close to me and love me even if I have faults and even if one of them is the fact that my house isn't always "perfect."
Guess what? It generally isn't.. until about 8 pm at night and then the "momsters" go to bed and what I just cleaned stays that way until the four of them come charging down the steps the next morning, raring to greet the day and ready to sweep thru like a raging bull in a china closet.
So here is the story.. I was talking to this dear person on the phone and so that no feelings get hurt (except mine of course.. I will not insert a name.. fair enough.)
I was talking on the phone to this person and the conversation seemed to be going okay.. then I asked the person if they would like to come down to visit me on the weekend because I missed them and just wanted to spend some time with them.
As always, with this person.. I was putting myself out there to be trampled on, because the answer is usually the same "Well we are busy with our lives and you know that someone is working..."
So I started to back off to spare my feelings of hurt from coming thru the phone.. and that is when the person said "well you should be able to read thru the lines here."
Actually, I am a nice person and kind of naive at times so I said truthfully, "no I don't know what you mean about reading between the lines."
They said "Well, I don't want to be at your house for a long period of time and actually I don't even want to eat at your house.. the last time I was there, your house was so bad.. why if children and youth would see your daughters bed room.. oh my you might get condemned.."
To which I very quickly kicked into my "protection of me" mode * see note at the end*
and said "oh that is okay, I've gotta go now." and immediately hung up the phone and of course started to cry.
My home isn't perfect by any sense of the word, but it is my home and I do the best that I can to keep it cozy and comfortable for my family and for any who choose to visit.
You know what hurts the most, is the fact that we shouldn't have to have our guard up around our hearts to protect us from daggers from people who are supposed to be our support base, the ones we turn to when we need love, the ones we love unconditionally, even when they hurt us.
To me, if I would ever treat another person that way, that would be worse than having a deplorable house. The person's heart is way more important to me than what they look like or the condition of their home.
Am I advocating that people should live in filth and just say to heck with it I quit..
No I am saying that in life, not all things are perfect, and usually no one thinks their house is ever quite clean enough. But one thing is for certain.. if you called me up and said Georgia I am hurting right now, could I come over.. my door would swing wide to let you have room to unload the heavy burden of your heart and I hope that if I served you tea you would overlook the fact that perhaps the cup may have a slight chip in the side.
I would rather have a chip in the cup or a spot of dirt on the floor, maybe even a cobweb hanging from above than have a chip in my heart or soil in my attitude, or clobber someone that I love with the words that I may say.
Let us choose carefully the way we treat others remembering that we are all not perfect and in one way or the other we all fall short of The Glory of God.
Lord, right here in the public view of whoever reads this blog.. let me pray for the one that stuck a dagger in my heart today and gave it a good hardy twist. Please bless that person with a dose of joy so that they may over look my faults and short comings even my chaotic house..
And Lord, help me to remember that I get my worth from being your daughter and that even though I may not be good enough for certain people.. Lord I am good enough for you and that will help me to sleep easier in my bed tonight.. even if I don't make it properly in the morning.
What is my protection of me mode: No one is going to disrespect me any more. I will walk away, get in my car and drive away or hang up the phone..
The reason why?
Cuz my name is not"Matt" door mat
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
You think you got it tough?
You think your life is so hard?
Your life could be different?
Maybe you wish for a different house or different kids
(only on certain days I know..)
Well, tonight I am going to share with you a couple of real life stories..
I have a friend named "L". L has been incarcerated for 36 years. She is 65 years old and will spend the rest of her natural life in prison.
I I have a friend "R" that has been arrested 37 times and that last one will land him in state prison for the next 30 years without parole. "R" is 65.
I have another friend that is in prison for 12-25 years and was threatened that if he didn't cooperate with new laws that were formulated after his initial incarceration.. that If you don't comply with these new laws you will serve your maximum sentence.
I know someone who plead guilty to crimes he didn't commit and was jailed for 2-30 years and will most likely spend a good portion of the latter number in jail for reasons that are beyond my understanding.
I know a lady that is in jail for several more years for harming her child.. she is being punished for a crime that she committed but honestly doesn't have the understanding of an adult and therefore shouldn't have been tried as such.
I know a man that viewed and downloaded hundreds of videos of porn.. yes kiddy porn.. and will spend the next ten years in a Federal Prison.
I know a man that was accused not once but twice of touching a child in an inappropriate way and was convicted both times and I am convinced of his innocence.. I know more about this person than I do all the others. I am strongly aware of every detail of this case.
To most people this comes as a shock that I would associate with the "likes of these"
but to me they are just people. All of them are people searching for God and seeking truth and life.
Lord let me be the one that loves these that are disgraceful, let me be the one that you place your mantle on, the one that the prisoners can come home and talk to.
Lord let me be the eyes for the unsightly, let me be your hands of those that are broken, let me be your arms to reach around a mom and her kids when all seems to fail.
Let me be a miracle in their deepest darkest night.
Pour me out as a drink offering to the ones who are in prison, to show them Lord
that though the world despises them, Lord that you still love and cherish them and that you have their name carved in the palm of your hands.
Let me be a ray of hope that can somehow pull them from the depths of despair. Let the words that flow from my pen be guarded by angels as they read with tears flowing down their cheeks onto their heart, that you loved them and died for them and choose that none should perish
Lord let me love them as you have loved me and not look at them with a judging spirit.. But with the eyes of Jesus. Full of love and compassion for the hurting souls.
When I think that my days are so very long and so awfully Hard.. let me remember "L" who doesn't know how long until she draws her final breath, ( that I know there are times she wished it would finally come today.)
Let my heart remember that if it wasn't for your mercy and grace in my life, God, that I could be sitting on my cot day after day and wondering when will that last breath come. Or when will someone finally be my friend and give me some hope?
Think your life is tough,, and yes each of us goes through things that are extremely difficult, sometimes unbearable and down right unbelievable. Trust me, I know, because for the past five years.. I have had one night mare after the other and just when I think it couldn't get any worse than the unthinkable happens and another chapter has begun.
Lord, let my eyes see your people who are hurting and allow me to pour your love into them and make them brand new just like you did for me.
Lord make me whole and complete.. so the love that pours out of me comes straight from you. Amen
Your life could be different?
Maybe you wish for a different house or different kids
(only on certain days I know..)
Well, tonight I am going to share with you a couple of real life stories..
I have a friend named "L". L has been incarcerated for 36 years. She is 65 years old and will spend the rest of her natural life in prison.
I I have a friend "R" that has been arrested 37 times and that last one will land him in state prison for the next 30 years without parole. "R" is 65.
I have another friend that is in prison for 12-25 years and was threatened that if he didn't cooperate with new laws that were formulated after his initial incarceration.. that If you don't comply with these new laws you will serve your maximum sentence.
I know someone who plead guilty to crimes he didn't commit and was jailed for 2-30 years and will most likely spend a good portion of the latter number in jail for reasons that are beyond my understanding.
I know a lady that is in jail for several more years for harming her child.. she is being punished for a crime that she committed but honestly doesn't have the understanding of an adult and therefore shouldn't have been tried as such.
I know a man that viewed and downloaded hundreds of videos of porn.. yes kiddy porn.. and will spend the next ten years in a Federal Prison.
I know a man that was accused not once but twice of touching a child in an inappropriate way and was convicted both times and I am convinced of his innocence.. I know more about this person than I do all the others. I am strongly aware of every detail of this case.
To most people this comes as a shock that I would associate with the "likes of these"
but to me they are just people. All of them are people searching for God and seeking truth and life.
Lord let me be the one that loves these that are disgraceful, let me be the one that you place your mantle on, the one that the prisoners can come home and talk to.
Lord let me be the eyes for the unsightly, let me be your hands of those that are broken, let me be your arms to reach around a mom and her kids when all seems to fail.
Let me be a miracle in their deepest darkest night.
Pour me out as a drink offering to the ones who are in prison, to show them Lord
that though the world despises them, Lord that you still love and cherish them and that you have their name carved in the palm of your hands.
Let me be a ray of hope that can somehow pull them from the depths of despair. Let the words that flow from my pen be guarded by angels as they read with tears flowing down their cheeks onto their heart, that you loved them and died for them and choose that none should perish
Lord let me love them as you have loved me and not look at them with a judging spirit.. But with the eyes of Jesus. Full of love and compassion for the hurting souls.
When I think that my days are so very long and so awfully Hard.. let me remember "L" who doesn't know how long until she draws her final breath, ( that I know there are times she wished it would finally come today.)
Let my heart remember that if it wasn't for your mercy and grace in my life, God, that I could be sitting on my cot day after day and wondering when will that last breath come. Or when will someone finally be my friend and give me some hope?
Think your life is tough,, and yes each of us goes through things that are extremely difficult, sometimes unbearable and down right unbelievable. Trust me, I know, because for the past five years.. I have had one night mare after the other and just when I think it couldn't get any worse than the unthinkable happens and another chapter has begun.
Lord, let my eyes see your people who are hurting and allow me to pour your love into them and make them brand new just like you did for me.
Lord make me whole and complete.. so the love that pours out of me comes straight from you. Amen
Monday, September 13, 2010
A Happy Face
Sometimes in life you see people that always have a "happy face."
There are those that always seem to "have it together."
Then there are those that are like me and wear their emotions on their sleeve, so to speak. For me it is next to impossible to hide the feelings that reside in the heart. If I am happy it truly does radiate on my face. If there is heartache that lies just beneath the surface of my shirt (most likely stained by my two year old and three year old thinking I am their napkin) Oh sorry back on point..
If that heart ache is there it could erupt like a dam bursting in a flood of emotion. This past year.. I have gone through something that most people don't have to experience in a lifetime. (It's not over yet and doesn't look like it will be for a very long time.)
I know that My Lord has carried me through days of total chaos and confusion, tears and sobbing in my darkest of nights. His strong arms have supported me in the overwhelming flood. He has never left me forsaken or standing alone.
I desire to tell any who read this post that when the rivers of life are engulfing and the storm clouds crash all around.. God is able to deliver thee safe unto his sheltering arms of mercy and He is only a prayer away.
When you feel alone, lost, confused, when you feel that if one more thing should be dumped in your lap that you will collapse under the strain.. that is when the Lord will lift you up. You shall run and not be weary, you shall walk and not faint you shall mount up with wings of an eagle.
So I do try to keep a "happy face" on despite the circumstance of my life and if you know me, the chapters have been coming one right after the other, with an intensity of Mount Saint Helen's eruption and a swift hurricane rushing through the gulf of Mexico all at the same time.
Many days, a friend or two.. will call and the tears will come gushing out along with all the emotions that have caused them, will rush out too. I am so thankful that I have a handful of friends that have constantly supported me through this year. I appreciate all of them "just checking to see how I am." Without the Lord and the ones here that really do care I think this ol ship would have sunk straight away to the bottom of this ocean of doom and gloom and agony on me.
Have you ever said to someone (kind of in passing in church or the store..) "So how are you?" Perhaps the next time you say those words you should look into the eyes of the one who holds that "happy face" and see if their eyes tell a story that their lies can't hide.
Let's not be so quick to want to hurry along and be on our way. There are people who are holding that "happy face" but they are about to crack. Maybe today is the day that you could show someone that you truly do care what their answer is to.. "So how are you?"
I hope that if you are ever in need of a friend and feel that you have no one that gives a hoot what you are going through, that first of all you will call on The Lord, because he binds up the broken hearted and heals the wounds that rip our hearts to shreds.
If you need a friend with "skin On" you can contact me.. I don't have all the answers, but I know the God that does and I know how to pray and be a friend. You can also read my friend's blog at the nonreligious christian.com and she also has some great insights.
Take care and as my fortune cookie said the other day put a smile on your face and it will take the place of where two grouches were.
There are those that always seem to "have it together."
Then there are those that are like me and wear their emotions on their sleeve, so to speak. For me it is next to impossible to hide the feelings that reside in the heart. If I am happy it truly does radiate on my face. If there is heartache that lies just beneath the surface of my shirt (most likely stained by my two year old and three year old thinking I am their napkin) Oh sorry back on point..
If that heart ache is there it could erupt like a dam bursting in a flood of emotion. This past year.. I have gone through something that most people don't have to experience in a lifetime. (It's not over yet and doesn't look like it will be for a very long time.)
I know that My Lord has carried me through days of total chaos and confusion, tears and sobbing in my darkest of nights. His strong arms have supported me in the overwhelming flood. He has never left me forsaken or standing alone.
I desire to tell any who read this post that when the rivers of life are engulfing and the storm clouds crash all around.. God is able to deliver thee safe unto his sheltering arms of mercy and He is only a prayer away.
When you feel alone, lost, confused, when you feel that if one more thing should be dumped in your lap that you will collapse under the strain.. that is when the Lord will lift you up. You shall run and not be weary, you shall walk and not faint you shall mount up with wings of an eagle.
So I do try to keep a "happy face" on despite the circumstance of my life and if you know me, the chapters have been coming one right after the other, with an intensity of Mount Saint Helen's eruption and a swift hurricane rushing through the gulf of Mexico all at the same time.
Many days, a friend or two.. will call and the tears will come gushing out along with all the emotions that have caused them, will rush out too. I am so thankful that I have a handful of friends that have constantly supported me through this year. I appreciate all of them "just checking to see how I am." Without the Lord and the ones here that really do care I think this ol ship would have sunk straight away to the bottom of this ocean of doom and gloom and agony on me.
Have you ever said to someone (kind of in passing in church or the store..) "So how are you?" Perhaps the next time you say those words you should look into the eyes of the one who holds that "happy face" and see if their eyes tell a story that their lies can't hide.
Let's not be so quick to want to hurry along and be on our way. There are people who are holding that "happy face" but they are about to crack. Maybe today is the day that you could show someone that you truly do care what their answer is to.. "So how are you?"
I hope that if you are ever in need of a friend and feel that you have no one that gives a hoot what you are going through, that first of all you will call on The Lord, because he binds up the broken hearted and heals the wounds that rip our hearts to shreds.
If you need a friend with "skin On" you can contact me.. I don't have all the answers, but I know the God that does and I know how to pray and be a friend. You can also read my friend's blog at the nonreligious christian.com and she also has some great insights.
Take care and as my fortune cookie said the other day put a smile on your face and it will take the place of where two grouches were.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Get under it, or through it, You choose.
This blog will be personal to a point and I will deliberately leave things out for the mere fact that this is the web and there are things that should not be posted for the world to view.
If you have read any of my blogs or know me personally, you know that there are things in my life that have been very horrible. You know some of the struggles that I have had, and are currently experiencing. But there are things that no one knows except me and God.
I will tell you that as a young person, had you ever told me of the things that would happen to me and my family, I most likely would not have believed you and said "No way not me, I wouldn't be able to survive through all of that" ( and I am sure there is more to come.. cuz last I knew.. I'm not dead yet!)
I'll name a few things for you..
About a hundred foster homes, some good some grotesquely horrible. Physical, mental, emotional and sexual abuse. Neglect. A failed marriage.
Five miscarriages, a lost adoption. A loss of a client that I loved and took care of in my home for 10 years. Broken relationships. Heartaches beyond measure. Deaths of loved ones that were the back bone of my life. I think I've cried about two oceans by now and had things happen that shouldn't happen to even an enemy.
Right here, I could list a bunch of other pertinent stuff, but it's better left unsaid. Let's just say that for the last five years God has challenged my faith beyond what I could ever think or imagine.
Currently, I am under the most severe stress a person could be under.. no I take that back, it could probably be worse, so let me be quiet, lest I speak it into being.
What does this matter to the person viewing this blog. Well, it's like this. We all go through different things in our lives. We all have struggles and misfortunes.
There are events in all our lives that we wish we could erase, things we wished never occurred.
For me, though, I wouldn't change my history, past present or future. Why? Because all through my life, God has been my Constant. My Anchor. My Rock of salvation. My Hope. My Peace and my source of Joy. My Father.
The title of this writing: Get under it or through it, you choose.
Yes, life is hard and beyond our control. We do not know what is going to be thrown at us next.
We can wallow in self pity.. oh poor me.. I was abused and suffered at the hands of many.. or we can let it shape us so that we can help others who are victims of society.
We can walk around thinking ..what if that never happened or maybe I should have done something else in my life.. perhaps chosen a different career or another mate.
Or we could be glad for our lives and thank God for giving us life lessons and experiences along the way, that proved He was with us every step and when we could not go on, that is when He carried us.. like the foot prints in the sand poem. (not sure of the author).
You could let life take you down and harbor all kinds of grief, anger and resentment or you can determine to get through it, with God's grace and mercy, and become better for it.
Life is mostly about attitude and outlook, not what happened, but how will I handle it. I read that we should respond not react!
I will take my title a little further.. don't get under it or merely through it, rather Rise above it and become better for it.
Let God help you to see that you are a child of His and that his plan is the best for your life, even when you think something else sounds a whole lot better right now.
If you have read any of my blogs or know me personally, you know that there are things in my life that have been very horrible. You know some of the struggles that I have had, and are currently experiencing. But there are things that no one knows except me and God.
I will tell you that as a young person, had you ever told me of the things that would happen to me and my family, I most likely would not have believed you and said "No way not me, I wouldn't be able to survive through all of that" ( and I am sure there is more to come.. cuz last I knew.. I'm not dead yet!)
I'll name a few things for you..
About a hundred foster homes, some good some grotesquely horrible. Physical, mental, emotional and sexual abuse. Neglect. A failed marriage.
Five miscarriages, a lost adoption. A loss of a client that I loved and took care of in my home for 10 years. Broken relationships. Heartaches beyond measure. Deaths of loved ones that were the back bone of my life. I think I've cried about two oceans by now and had things happen that shouldn't happen to even an enemy.
Right here, I could list a bunch of other pertinent stuff, but it's better left unsaid. Let's just say that for the last five years God has challenged my faith beyond what I could ever think or imagine.
Currently, I am under the most severe stress a person could be under.. no I take that back, it could probably be worse, so let me be quiet, lest I speak it into being.
What does this matter to the person viewing this blog. Well, it's like this. We all go through different things in our lives. We all have struggles and misfortunes.
There are events in all our lives that we wish we could erase, things we wished never occurred.
For me, though, I wouldn't change my history, past present or future. Why? Because all through my life, God has been my Constant. My Anchor. My Rock of salvation. My Hope. My Peace and my source of Joy. My Father.
The title of this writing: Get under it or through it, you choose.
Yes, life is hard and beyond our control. We do not know what is going to be thrown at us next.
We can wallow in self pity.. oh poor me.. I was abused and suffered at the hands of many.. or we can let it shape us so that we can help others who are victims of society.
We can walk around thinking ..what if that never happened or maybe I should have done something else in my life.. perhaps chosen a different career or another mate.
Or we could be glad for our lives and thank God for giving us life lessons and experiences along the way, that proved He was with us every step and when we could not go on, that is when He carried us.. like the foot prints in the sand poem. (not sure of the author).
You could let life take you down and harbor all kinds of grief, anger and resentment or you can determine to get through it, with God's grace and mercy, and become better for it.
Life is mostly about attitude and outlook, not what happened, but how will I handle it. I read that we should respond not react!
I will take my title a little further.. don't get under it or merely through it, rather Rise above it and become better for it.
Let God help you to see that you are a child of His and that his plan is the best for your life, even when you think something else sounds a whole lot better right now.
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