Sometimes life is hard..

So this year I will turn the Big 40. Yahoo. No really, when I was a kid, I never thought that I would even see 30 and look at me now, I have blazed past that mile stone and am approaching one that I used to call old.. now I say I am just beginning to live.
You know, I look back on my life and realize that "sometimes life is hard.' Yes truly hard. I was nearly drowned by my biological mother at the age of 6 months. I spent 6 months living with my 70 year old gram ( who the courts said was too old to raise me.. she live to be 97)
Then I spent the next five years in foster care. My father remarried and I was placed in their care. For the next six years of my young life, I was in and out of nearly 100 foster homes, mixed with in and out of my father's house, due to physical, mental and emotional abuse, not to mention the sexual abuse that went with the territory.
My father was diagnosed with cancer in September of 1980, and died in July on my little sister's 3rd birthday. I was 11 years old and that threw me right back into the foster care system.
At 12, I begged the courts to live with my natural mother, whom I had never really known, only had heard horrible things about and back then I believed those things were told to me to keep me from her.
This began a very horrible long six months of sexual abuse from her boyfriend, a man in his late fifties early sixties. He told me he was going to train me to be a "good wife." (P.S. I am a really good wife, but it had nothing, absolutely nothing to do with him, rather good role models that God placed in my life.)
I ran away on the final day, when he was going to rape me. I was placed back into foster care and stayed in several homes until I was 14 when the Lord placed me into a loving family, for adoption.
I stayed with them till I was 19, got married and moved far away. Life as a married person isn't always easy and back then I was loving and kind but pretty self centered too and always thought that I had to have the last say or win the argument.. guess what I am still like that today but maybe not so bad.. You'll have to ask my new husband about that one..( no on second thought you better not.. hahahha see there I go again, wanting the last word.)
So I was married for 12 years and during those years we produced two beautiful daughters. It was hard because I was mostly infertile and also had five miscarriages. We were going to adopt a baby before our oldest one came into our lives but that too, fell through.
Sometimes life is very hard and you wonder how will you go on with your life.

After a while I found my new husband or should I say we found each other. And guess what life has been extremely hard for us. When we got married he had cancer in the third stage. Lymphoma- non-hodgkins (sp?). We got married in the hospital and true to his word, he said I will get married in my jeans and ball cap and sure enough he did. I wore my cream colored gown and was the hospital bride.
Four years of infertility and along came our biggest miracle in the smallest package. Garrett was 15 weeks early , weighing in at 1lb 8 oz measuring 11.5 inches.
He stayed at the hospital for four and a half months. Let me just say, sometimes life is hard. It is hard to watch your child laying there helpless and you can't hold him or help him, with the doctors all standing around saying he's probably going to die today. Those were very difficult days to say the least!
Life is currently extremely challenging and unrelenting, so much that I dare not even post it to my blog, though I would love to blab it for all the world to see the injustice that my family has endured, but I can't for legal reasons.
Life is hard and unbearable at times. There are days that I think I may crack under all the pressure that we are currently under. Days that I think I may go out of my mind with grief and hardships that we are enduring. The tears that I have shed
in the past five years have well gone beyond the Pacific Ocean. That means life has been hard.
Lest I should continue on this treck let me tell you that when life is hard and unbearable, when the times are rough and unforgiving, when I feel the need to throw in the towel and quit..
The Lord reminds me quietly, amidst all the chaos, "I am here." Then I go to His Word and this is what I find. over and over.. in many different places..
"My soul finds rest in God alone:, my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation: He is my fortress, I will never be shaken. Psalm 62:1
"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; My hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times,O people, pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62: 5-8
"Oh God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. Psalm 63:1-3
Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings, my soul clings to you, your right hand upholds me. Psalm 63:8
So when I feel overwhelmed I will turn to my Rock. What will you do when your life is falling apart and you don't know where to turn.