Today, two women showed up on my door step. I knew them and invited them in. I feared the worst, because they are family to a very close friend of mine. "no He did not pass away, but they have taken away all the machines and are just keeping him comfortable.
I dropped whatever it was that occupied my moment of time and headed directly to the hospital, not only to say my last farewells, but to also present one last opportunity of salvation.
If you have not looked upon a body that is there but the life it once knew is slipping away before your very eyes; if you have never looked into the eyes that once twinkled with life and now they are glazed over in unresponsiveness, then I hope you never have to.
I talked to the shell of the person, hoping that if his soul had not yet departed, that even on his dying bed, he would, perhaps with his last breath, he would breathe the name of Jesus and be ushered into eternity with God, not separated from Him to eternal damnation.
I did get to personally share the gospel with his doctor. I noticed that all the nurses that had come into his room to see if he was still clinging on to life or if he had thrown in the towel, all quietly dissipated when I gave my testimony to the doctor.
I asked her, may I ask you two questions. She said yes of course. So I asked her if she could predict the exact moment that my good friend would die. She said no, but medically speaking it won't be long..
Then I asked her if I could ask her another one.. "Yes" she said, I said "Do you know when you will die?" She said "no, I don't."
At this point, I had her complete attention and we talked about the things that would merit her getting into heaven. Nope she hasn't killed or robbed maybe a lie or two but generally a was good person. I said,no, not good enough.
I shared with her, what I will share with you now. Our "good" is as filthy rags to God and only the fact that I have accepted Christ the Son of God into my heart and asked him to forgive my sins, is going to get me into heaven. Absolutely nothing else! She assured me that tonight she would make a decision one way or the other.
If she doesn't choose yes, she is actually choosing no. I told her that God gives us opportunities to accept him, sometimes its' only one. So tonight I am praying for the doctor and her husband, that God will speak to their hearts and they will turn their lives over to him, no holds barge.
As of the finishing of this post, my good friend and hard working neighbor has now surrendered to the death that tried to snuff out his life for the past 20 something years. He endured about 50 surgeries and even made medical history. While I was speaking with the doctor, this afternoon, she mentioned.. "he even had his last thanksgiving dinner, in the hospital with two of our doctors." because no family was there. I actually broke down and cried when she told me that the doctors ate with him.
Here is what is so tragically sad, he was the best neighbor anyone could ever have. If I needed him to any handy man thing, he would jump at the opportunity to help and never charged me a penny, though I would offer whatever I had. His hand was never out to accept.
As he lay there, drawing his final breaths, that were about 15-17 seconds apart, his eyes held no life and his pulse was barely there. I called his family to say that I thought he was passing and that should someone please come. The sister told me and I quote..."I don't have time, for this. I need to take time for myself."
It was the most cold-hearted thing I have heard in years and I, the neighbor, felt guilty for leaving the man there, to die alone. And then my Lord reminded me that even in death He never leaves us. So if his family chose not to go, I know that my friend didn't die alone.
I am just sorry that I did have to leave and am not sure of the exact time that he slipped away. But I do know that for at least two hours, he had someone there stroking his hair, and holding his hand, talking to him and reassuring him that it was okay to go if he had to and assuring him that his dearly beloved mother would be taken care of.
I quoted Psalm 23 to him a couple of times and prayed with him and told him that even in his dying he could still call out to God and God would hear him and take him into heaven to be with him, forever.
In this world, I will not know for sure, the decision that my friend made, but my hope is this, that when I cross over into my heavenly home, there will be my friend fixing the sewing machines in heaven that sew the angel's clothes and make their wings... There will be my friend fixing the flood gates of heaven and replacing the stars' blown out bulbs.... There will be my friend.
As a public memorial to my friend... Thank you for being the best neighbor I've ever had. Thanks for fishing the tractor out of my toilet, thanks for being my very dear friend. You will be greatly missed. Thank you for snow blowing my side walks and my driveway, when you have just gotten out of the hospital and had been there for the past 8 weeks.
(I said 'what are you doing out here, you crazy person/" And he said "well, I'm not dead yet!") May you find comfort in the arms of Jesus and may your body now be set free from all the pain and suffering that you have endured, for way too long. I love you and will cherish you forever, and I think I am going to plant something in your honor. And I will call it Bob.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Something Old Something New
Today, I think about things differently than I used to when I was young. I think about life and it's meaning more than I ever did.
I watch life speed past as though it were going to a fire and wonder where it is going in such a big hurry.
I have watched my little girls grow into young women. I've seen them stretch their arms up for my comfort and then watched as they spread their wings to try to fly.
I see my little boys trying to do big boy things, they still need my comfort and protection most of the time, though I am sure they think they don't. "I'm big" you know.
As spring comes upon us, the birds chirping their favorite songs, the flowers are popping up their pretty little faces, the sun warms up my soul.
My fish pond was in need of a good cleaning and what used to look like red-neck city now looks like a walk by the creek bed. It is rocked in and beautiful with the rocks that my loving husband and I collected together in times past. It has all the pieces of drift wood that he brought me as presents for every occasion, sometimes, just because.
The flower garden that once was a thing of beauty had turned into a gigantic weed infestation is now a patio. (Well almost.. I have to lay about ten more 2'x3' blocks.. level it up some) It is going to be stunning, from something old and rickety to something fabulous and new. I am truly excited.
That is the way our life in Christ is.. it used to be old and ratty worn and tired. When you ask the Lord to come in. you are transformed into a beautiful butterfly.
I hope that as this Easter comes upon us it is not just a time of family get together-s but a time of true celebration of what the Lord has done for us. He has given us new life and a real reason to celebrate.
Let the Lord, the creator of the universe give you that reason to celebrate. Let him take your life from something old to something new, like my new fish pond and my new patio.
I hope you have a wonderful spring and a Victorious Easter.
I watch life speed past as though it were going to a fire and wonder where it is going in such a big hurry.
I have watched my little girls grow into young women. I've seen them stretch their arms up for my comfort and then watched as they spread their wings to try to fly.
I see my little boys trying to do big boy things, they still need my comfort and protection most of the time, though I am sure they think they don't. "I'm big" you know.
As spring comes upon us, the birds chirping their favorite songs, the flowers are popping up their pretty little faces, the sun warms up my soul.
My fish pond was in need of a good cleaning and what used to look like red-neck city now looks like a walk by the creek bed. It is rocked in and beautiful with the rocks that my loving husband and I collected together in times past. It has all the pieces of drift wood that he brought me as presents for every occasion, sometimes, just because.
The flower garden that once was a thing of beauty had turned into a gigantic weed infestation is now a patio. (Well almost.. I have to lay about ten more 2'x3' blocks.. level it up some) It is going to be stunning, from something old and rickety to something fabulous and new. I am truly excited.
That is the way our life in Christ is.. it used to be old and ratty worn and tired. When you ask the Lord to come in. you are transformed into a beautiful butterfly.
I hope that as this Easter comes upon us it is not just a time of family get together-s but a time of true celebration of what the Lord has done for us. He has given us new life and a real reason to celebrate.
Let the Lord, the creator of the universe give you that reason to celebrate. Let him take your life from something old to something new, like my new fish pond and my new patio.
I hope you have a wonderful spring and a Victorious Easter.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Sometimes life is hard..
So this year I will turn the Big 40. Yahoo. No really, when I was a kid, I never thought that I would even see 30 and look at me now, I have blazed past that mile stone and am approaching one that I used to call old.. now I say I am just beginning to live.
You know, I look back on my life and realize that "sometimes life is hard.' Yes truly hard. I was nearly drowned by my biological mother at the age of 6 months. I spent 6 months living with my 70 year old gram ( who the courts said was too old to raise me.. she live to be 97)
Then I spent the next five years in foster care. My father remarried and I was placed in their care. For the next six years of my young life, I was in and out of nearly 100 foster homes, mixed with in and out of my father's house, due to physical, mental and emotional abuse, not to mention the sexual abuse that went with the territory.
My father was diagnosed with cancer in September of 1980, and died in July on my little sister's 3rd birthday. I was 11 years old and that threw me right back into the foster care system.
At 12, I begged the courts to live with my natural mother, whom I had never really known, only had heard horrible things about and back then I believed those things were told to me to keep me from her.
This began a very horrible long six months of sexual abuse from her boyfriend, a man in his late fifties early sixties. He told me he was going to train me to be a "good wife." (P.S. I am a really good wife, but it had nothing, absolutely nothing to do with him, rather good role models that God placed in my life.)
I ran away on the final day, when he was going to rape me. I was placed back into foster care and stayed in several homes until I was 14 when the Lord placed me into a loving family, for adoption.
I stayed with them till I was 19, got married and moved far away. Life as a married person isn't always easy and back then I was loving and kind but pretty self centered too and always thought that I had to have the last say or win the argument.. guess what I am still like that today but maybe not so bad.. You'll have to ask my new husband about that one..( no on second thought you better not.. hahahha see there I go again, wanting the last word.)
So I was married for 12 years and during those years we produced two beautiful daughters. It was hard because I was mostly infertile and also had five miscarriages. We were going to adopt a baby before our oldest one came into our lives but that too, fell through.
Sometimes life is very hard and you wonder how will you go on with your life.
After a while I found my new husband or should I say we found each other. And guess what life has been extremely hard for us. When we got married he had cancer in the third stage. Lymphoma- non-hodgkins (sp?). We got married in the hospital and true to his word, he said I will get married in my jeans and ball cap and sure enough he did. I wore my cream colored gown and was the hospital bride.
Four years of infertility and along came our biggest miracle in the smallest package. Garrett was 15 weeks early , weighing in at 1lb 8 oz measuring 11.5 inches.
He stayed at the hospital for four and a half months. Let me just say, sometimes life is hard. It is hard to watch your child laying there helpless and you can't hold him or help him, with the doctors all standing around saying he's probably going to die today. Those were very difficult days to say the least!
Life is currently extremely challenging and unrelenting, so much that I dare not even post it to my blog, though I would love to blab it for all the world to see the injustice that my family has endured, but I can't for legal reasons.
Life is hard and unbearable at times. There are days that I think I may crack under all the pressure that we are currently under. Days that I think I may go out of my mind with grief and hardships that we are enduring. The tears that I have shed
in the past five years have well gone beyond the Pacific Ocean. That means life has been hard.
Lest I should continue on this treck let me tell you that when life is hard and unbearable, when the times are rough and unforgiving, when I feel the need to throw in the towel and quit..
The Lord reminds me quietly, amidst all the chaos, "I am here." Then I go to His Word and this is what I find. over and over.. in many different places..
"My soul finds rest in God alone:, my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation: He is my fortress, I will never be shaken. Psalm 62:1
"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; My hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times,O people, pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62: 5-8
"Oh God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. Psalm 63:1-3
Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings, my soul clings to you, your right hand upholds me. Psalm 63:8
So when I feel overwhelmed I will turn to my Rock. What will you do when your life is falling apart and you don't know where to turn.
You know, I look back on my life and realize that "sometimes life is hard.' Yes truly hard. I was nearly drowned by my biological mother at the age of 6 months. I spent 6 months living with my 70 year old gram ( who the courts said was too old to raise me.. she live to be 97)
Then I spent the next five years in foster care. My father remarried and I was placed in their care. For the next six years of my young life, I was in and out of nearly 100 foster homes, mixed with in and out of my father's house, due to physical, mental and emotional abuse, not to mention the sexual abuse that went with the territory.
My father was diagnosed with cancer in September of 1980, and died in July on my little sister's 3rd birthday. I was 11 years old and that threw me right back into the foster care system.
At 12, I begged the courts to live with my natural mother, whom I had never really known, only had heard horrible things about and back then I believed those things were told to me to keep me from her.
This began a very horrible long six months of sexual abuse from her boyfriend, a man in his late fifties early sixties. He told me he was going to train me to be a "good wife." (P.S. I am a really good wife, but it had nothing, absolutely nothing to do with him, rather good role models that God placed in my life.)
I ran away on the final day, when he was going to rape me. I was placed back into foster care and stayed in several homes until I was 14 when the Lord placed me into a loving family, for adoption.
I stayed with them till I was 19, got married and moved far away. Life as a married person isn't always easy and back then I was loving and kind but pretty self centered too and always thought that I had to have the last say or win the argument.. guess what I am still like that today but maybe not so bad.. You'll have to ask my new husband about that one..( no on second thought you better not.. hahahha see there I go again, wanting the last word.)
So I was married for 12 years and during those years we produced two beautiful daughters. It was hard because I was mostly infertile and also had five miscarriages. We were going to adopt a baby before our oldest one came into our lives but that too, fell through.
Sometimes life is very hard and you wonder how will you go on with your life.
After a while I found my new husband or should I say we found each other. And guess what life has been extremely hard for us. When we got married he had cancer in the third stage. Lymphoma- non-hodgkins (sp?). We got married in the hospital and true to his word, he said I will get married in my jeans and ball cap and sure enough he did. I wore my cream colored gown and was the hospital bride.
Four years of infertility and along came our biggest miracle in the smallest package. Garrett was 15 weeks early , weighing in at 1lb 8 oz measuring 11.5 inches.
He stayed at the hospital for four and a half months. Let me just say, sometimes life is hard. It is hard to watch your child laying there helpless and you can't hold him or help him, with the doctors all standing around saying he's probably going to die today. Those were very difficult days to say the least!
Life is currently extremely challenging and unrelenting, so much that I dare not even post it to my blog, though I would love to blab it for all the world to see the injustice that my family has endured, but I can't for legal reasons.
Life is hard and unbearable at times. There are days that I think I may crack under all the pressure that we are currently under. Days that I think I may go out of my mind with grief and hardships that we are enduring. The tears that I have shed
in the past five years have well gone beyond the Pacific Ocean. That means life has been hard.
Lest I should continue on this treck let me tell you that when life is hard and unbearable, when the times are rough and unforgiving, when I feel the need to throw in the towel and quit..
The Lord reminds me quietly, amidst all the chaos, "I am here." Then I go to His Word and this is what I find. over and over.. in many different places..
"My soul finds rest in God alone:, my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation: He is my fortress, I will never be shaken. Psalm 62:1
"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; My hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times,O people, pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62: 5-8
"Oh God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. Psalm 63:1-3
Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings, my soul clings to you, your right hand upholds me. Psalm 63:8
So when I feel overwhelmed I will turn to my Rock. What will you do when your life is falling apart and you don't know where to turn.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Thankful or Not
As I sit here in my nice warm house, with my family by my side and food in my belly...
I am reminded that we have a great deal to be thankful for...
We are a rich people in every way, even when money is short...
There has never been a day that I have had to feed my kids dirt for cookies
or drink from water where animals urinated or other people bathed...
There has never been a time that we had to eat one cup of rice for the whole day and be thankful for that.. praying for the same ration for the next day..
There has never been a day when my little kids tummies were bloated from malnutrition or disease...
There has never been a night when we had to cover up with newspapers and sleep in a cardboard box and hope that we would make it through the night without freezing to death.
There has never been a time in my kids life that we had to walk miles upon miles to get to medical help,.. that is available to us without question...
There has never been a time that any of my family has needed a medical procedure and were denied because there was no doctor or medical staff available or they were in a different country...
There has never been a time when my cupboards were bare, although one time we were down to a can of kidney beans and a can of sardines.. good thing my mom came along to take me shopping.. thank you mom.
There are many times that my kids say to me .. mom there's nothing to eat in this house.. I look at them and just shake my head.. There's plenty to eat.. you are just feeling too lazy to cook. they groan...
I look at the freedoms I enjoy each day.. and I think of my fellow prisoners who are behind bars.. their freedoms have been taken away and half of the time they are not even treated as human beings.. often being denied their medical needs, going without their glasses for several weeks because soemone decided that person didn't need their eyes, or because they didn't hear "med call" the "nursing staff" decided that he would be fine without his perscribed medicaiton. How about the prsioner they locked in a 4'x6'cell for 7 days and the person couldn't even stand up straight in the cell because it was about 5'high and he is 6'3.
I think about being able to hop in my vehicle(s) and be able to go wherever I feel like going. There are people in the world that would give their shirt off their back to be able to have a fraction of the freedoms we know and take for granted, pretty much on a daily basis..
One thing that all Americans have is the freedom of worship. We can worship God or choose to walk away from him. We can go to the church of our choice, at the time we choose..
We are a priveledged people and I think that we are greedy, selfish and arrogant towards The Lord and towards our fellow people. We take our blessings for granted and assume that they are our Rights instead of our priveledges.
We go out to eat whenever we feel like it and waste tons of food. We wear our clothing for short periods of time and discard them, merely for boredom's sake.
We feel that we must drive a better vehichle than someone else and have better homes than them and the money that is spent on our selfishness goes on and on, with little regard for the poor and homeless.
We rarely consider the needs of the widows and the orphans. We don't write to those in prison, "because what would I say" we don't visit the shut-ins we steer clear of nursing homes and nelglect to help our neighbors who are in need..
Why is this our society today. Because it boils down to being Thankful or Not.
There are things that I am guilty of. I am not perfect, nor do I write this to suggest such a thing. I am merely writing this to wake up the people in this country.
We need to get back to the way it used to be.. with people loving those around them and caring for those in need. We need to stop being so self centered and start showing that we appreciate the blessings that we are so freely given.
There will come a day, that the Lord Almighty will turn us over to a depraived mind. He will cut off our inheritance and leave us standing still, wondering where our next meal will come from, wondering how on earth we will provide for our children.
But if we turn from our wickedness and surrender our lives back to The Lord, then he will have mercy on our souls and provide for us.
Let us not become arrogant to God. There are those who say "I don't believe in God.." You will be sorry that you talked that way, because there will come a day of judgement and I don't want to be one of those ones he tells "Depart from me for I never knew you." Depart to eternal hell and damnation. A place of suffering and costant torment, a place of grinding of teeth and weeping and wailing, forever.
So today, let this be the day that you take inventory of your blessings and let this be the day that you and your family decide that you will become blessings to someone else.
I am reminded that we have a great deal to be thankful for...
We are a rich people in every way, even when money is short...
There has never been a day that I have had to feed my kids dirt for cookies
or drink from water where animals urinated or other people bathed...
There has never been a time that we had to eat one cup of rice for the whole day and be thankful for that.. praying for the same ration for the next day..
There has never been a day when my little kids tummies were bloated from malnutrition or disease...
There has never been a night when we had to cover up with newspapers and sleep in a cardboard box and hope that we would make it through the night without freezing to death.
There has never been a time in my kids life that we had to walk miles upon miles to get to medical help,.. that is available to us without question...
There has never been a time that any of my family has needed a medical procedure and were denied because there was no doctor or medical staff available or they were in a different country...
There has never been a time when my cupboards were bare, although one time we were down to a can of kidney beans and a can of sardines.. good thing my mom came along to take me shopping.. thank you mom.
There are many times that my kids say to me .. mom there's nothing to eat in this house.. I look at them and just shake my head.. There's plenty to eat.. you are just feeling too lazy to cook. they groan...
I look at the freedoms I enjoy each day.. and I think of my fellow prisoners who are behind bars.. their freedoms have been taken away and half of the time they are not even treated as human beings.. often being denied their medical needs, going without their glasses for several weeks because soemone decided that person didn't need their eyes, or because they didn't hear "med call" the "nursing staff" decided that he would be fine without his perscribed medicaiton. How about the prsioner they locked in a 4'x6'cell for 7 days and the person couldn't even stand up straight in the cell because it was about 5'high and he is 6'3.
I think about being able to hop in my vehicle(s) and be able to go wherever I feel like going. There are people in the world that would give their shirt off their back to be able to have a fraction of the freedoms we know and take for granted, pretty much on a daily basis..
One thing that all Americans have is the freedom of worship. We can worship God or choose to walk away from him. We can go to the church of our choice, at the time we choose..
We are a priveledged people and I think that we are greedy, selfish and arrogant towards The Lord and towards our fellow people. We take our blessings for granted and assume that they are our Rights instead of our priveledges.
We go out to eat whenever we feel like it and waste tons of food. We wear our clothing for short periods of time and discard them, merely for boredom's sake.
We feel that we must drive a better vehichle than someone else and have better homes than them and the money that is spent on our selfishness goes on and on, with little regard for the poor and homeless.
We rarely consider the needs of the widows and the orphans. We don't write to those in prison, "because what would I say" we don't visit the shut-ins we steer clear of nursing homes and nelglect to help our neighbors who are in need..
Why is this our society today. Because it boils down to being Thankful or Not.
There are things that I am guilty of. I am not perfect, nor do I write this to suggest such a thing. I am merely writing this to wake up the people in this country.
We need to get back to the way it used to be.. with people loving those around them and caring for those in need. We need to stop being so self centered and start showing that we appreciate the blessings that we are so freely given.
There will come a day, that the Lord Almighty will turn us over to a depraived mind. He will cut off our inheritance and leave us standing still, wondering where our next meal will come from, wondering how on earth we will provide for our children.
But if we turn from our wickedness and surrender our lives back to The Lord, then he will have mercy on our souls and provide for us.
Let us not become arrogant to God. There are those who say "I don't believe in God.." You will be sorry that you talked that way, because there will come a day of judgement and I don't want to be one of those ones he tells "Depart from me for I never knew you." Depart to eternal hell and damnation. A place of suffering and costant torment, a place of grinding of teeth and weeping and wailing, forever.
So today, let this be the day that you take inventory of your blessings and let this be the day that you and your family decide that you will become blessings to someone else.
Monday, February 8, 2010
A Big Miracle in a Little Baby
You most likely won't be able to see the tears that will flow down my cheeks as I tell you this story.. but they will flow.. Now they are tears of happiness and the extent of all my praise and at times they are tears of exasperation! Read on to see what I mean.
It was the summer of 2006. I was selling kitchen products and doing quite well I might add. I felt the Lord tugging at my heart to quit.. not yet i whispered.. I have twenty six shows in these next two months.. after I'm done with them then I will quit, I bartered with the Lord.
When God says jump, I suggest you ask how high, because all and I mean ALL of those 26 shows canceled and I've never looked back. You know that God sees the whole thing, when we just see a tiny bit of what we call our life.
In the Month of September, I found out, that I was pregnant after 8 years of infertility. When the doctor told me the shocking news, had I not been sitting in the office chair, I most likely would have fallen to the floor, in disbelief. It was for real and a perfect pregnancy.
Well, almost.. For 19 weeks my husband and I were so thrilled that after four years of marriage and accepting the fact that we would most likely not conceive a child together, we were finally going to have a Baby.
Then one day, starting the 19th week, I had excruciating pain, that I had never before experienced in my whole life. I went to the hospital. Nothing.
For a whole week this continued.. I wasn't in labor, the baby seemed fine. We found out he was a boy.. ( I saw him peeing in the ultrasound..oops..)
Week 20, on my daughter's 8th birthday, I headed to the hospital for the second time in the same day, because the pain was so horrific that I could bare it no longer.
Then as I lay in the bed, my water broke, like Niagara Falls. The doctors told me that our little baby needed to be aborted because he wouldn't make it and my life was in jeopardy. I begged them no.
They said he is too little he will never survive. I said so if he is born alive, what will you do with him, how will you help him.. They told me. "We will wrap him in a blanket and let you hold him until he dies. I begged them to give him oxygen, they said "he won't make it."
I cried out to God in my distress and he heard my cry.
You know to make a long story short... I carried little Garrett for five weeks without a speck of water in my womb.. the doctors told me "even if you carry him to term he will die, because he needs the water to help his lungs develop."
My husband and I said "We will trust God no matter what you say.." And we have!
Garrett was born..crying. on February 9th 2007. He had both his arms and legs, both sets of tiny little hands and feet were perfect, and he was breathing! Yep breathing on his own.
The doctors said.. "don't get you're hope up.. this is a honeymoon period. " I said... no this is the power of God at work.. you all told me many times that he wouldn't live one day."
We spent four and a half months in the Nicu with our son. Those were long and sometimes horrible days. The doctors barely ever gave us any hope to cling to, only reports of how he was languishing and we were fighting a losing battle.
Garrett endured 22 blood transfusions, laser eye surgery on both eyes and 6 other operations while he was there. He was on the ventilator, oscillator and endured so many things, it would use all the ink in the ocean to list it all.
He came home, in June 07, on oxygen and 6 medications. By September of 07 he was off EVERYTHING. The doctors said he would never breathe on his own, ever.
Our little man is a fighter, and my hero. So are all the other little micro preemies my heroes because of how hard they fight to survive.
Garrett weighed in at 1lb 8Oz and measured just under a ruler of 11.5 inches long. He would literally fit in the palm of my hand. And to tell you how tiny he was, my husband's wedding band went right up his little arm like a big bangle bracelet. He was exactly 3 blocks of cheese. (that's how we could tell other people how much he weighed.)
Now he weighs 50 blocks of cheese. That's 25 pounds and let me tell you he is all boy and healthy as a horse, though most days I think dust bunnies eat more than he does.
If you read some of my Face book entries you will see that between him and his baby brother, who is now 16 months old, there is never a dull moment in our house.
Garrett is healthy and such a blessing to us. His "parroting" is a riot and you have to watch every word that comes out of your mouth around him.
Every day I look at him and thank god for his life. When the doctors told me he would die...God has other plans, and this is what I always say.. For someone who wasn't supposed to live, didn't even have a zero % chance of survival given to him.. he sure is doing a lot of living.
He is three years old today, and those three years have been rough and rocky at times, but it's been a thrill to see what God is doing in his little life.
So don't take everything that the doctors say as the gospel truth. They are only human and they can make mistakes. Trust God for the outcome, because He knows the end from the beginning and holds our lives in the palm of his hands.
Thank you to all the doctors and nurses, for all the people everywhere that prayed and for all the support that we received during those starting months. I will celebrate my son's third birthday with a big Elmo cake and lots of laughs...
Let's just hope today isn't the day that he dumps orange juice over his brother's head or dumps another box of rice crispies all over the floor, and please oh please don't jam one more thing into my brand new toilet. The other day he decided that the toilet needed a dish towel and a beach towel jammed into it all at the same time.
It was the summer of 2006. I was selling kitchen products and doing quite well I might add. I felt the Lord tugging at my heart to quit.. not yet i whispered.. I have twenty six shows in these next two months.. after I'm done with them then I will quit, I bartered with the Lord.
When God says jump, I suggest you ask how high, because all and I mean ALL of those 26 shows canceled and I've never looked back. You know that God sees the whole thing, when we just see a tiny bit of what we call our life.
In the Month of September, I found out, that I was pregnant after 8 years of infertility. When the doctor told me the shocking news, had I not been sitting in the office chair, I most likely would have fallen to the floor, in disbelief. It was for real and a perfect pregnancy.
Well, almost.. For 19 weeks my husband and I were so thrilled that after four years of marriage and accepting the fact that we would most likely not conceive a child together, we were finally going to have a Baby.
Then one day, starting the 19th week, I had excruciating pain, that I had never before experienced in my whole life. I went to the hospital. Nothing.
For a whole week this continued.. I wasn't in labor, the baby seemed fine. We found out he was a boy.. ( I saw him peeing in the ultrasound..oops..)
Week 20, on my daughter's 8th birthday, I headed to the hospital for the second time in the same day, because the pain was so horrific that I could bare it no longer.
Then as I lay in the bed, my water broke, like Niagara Falls. The doctors told me that our little baby needed to be aborted because he wouldn't make it and my life was in jeopardy. I begged them no.
They said he is too little he will never survive. I said so if he is born alive, what will you do with him, how will you help him.. They told me. "We will wrap him in a blanket and let you hold him until he dies. I begged them to give him oxygen, they said "he won't make it."
I cried out to God in my distress and he heard my cry.
You know to make a long story short... I carried little Garrett for five weeks without a speck of water in my womb.. the doctors told me "even if you carry him to term he will die, because he needs the water to help his lungs develop."
My husband and I said "We will trust God no matter what you say.." And we have!
Garrett was born..crying. on February 9th 2007. He had both his arms and legs, both sets of tiny little hands and feet were perfect, and he was breathing! Yep breathing on his own.
The doctors said.. "don't get you're hope up.. this is a honeymoon period. " I said... no this is the power of God at work.. you all told me many times that he wouldn't live one day."
We spent four and a half months in the Nicu with our son. Those were long and sometimes horrible days. The doctors barely ever gave us any hope to cling to, only reports of how he was languishing and we were fighting a losing battle.
Garrett endured 22 blood transfusions, laser eye surgery on both eyes and 6 other operations while he was there. He was on the ventilator, oscillator and endured so many things, it would use all the ink in the ocean to list it all.
He came home, in June 07, on oxygen and 6 medications. By September of 07 he was off EVERYTHING. The doctors said he would never breathe on his own, ever.
Our little man is a fighter, and my hero. So are all the other little micro preemies my heroes because of how hard they fight to survive.
Garrett weighed in at 1lb 8Oz and measured just under a ruler of 11.5 inches long. He would literally fit in the palm of my hand. And to tell you how tiny he was, my husband's wedding band went right up his little arm like a big bangle bracelet. He was exactly 3 blocks of cheese. (that's how we could tell other people how much he weighed.)
Now he weighs 50 blocks of cheese. That's 25 pounds and let me tell you he is all boy and healthy as a horse, though most days I think dust bunnies eat more than he does.
If you read some of my Face book entries you will see that between him and his baby brother, who is now 16 months old, there is never a dull moment in our house.
Garrett is healthy and such a blessing to us. His "parroting" is a riot and you have to watch every word that comes out of your mouth around him.
Every day I look at him and thank god for his life. When the doctors told me he would die...God has other plans, and this is what I always say.. For someone who wasn't supposed to live, didn't even have a zero % chance of survival given to him.. he sure is doing a lot of living.
He is three years old today, and those three years have been rough and rocky at times, but it's been a thrill to see what God is doing in his little life.
So don't take everything that the doctors say as the gospel truth. They are only human and they can make mistakes. Trust God for the outcome, because He knows the end from the beginning and holds our lives in the palm of his hands.
Thank you to all the doctors and nurses, for all the people everywhere that prayed and for all the support that we received during those starting months. I will celebrate my son's third birthday with a big Elmo cake and lots of laughs...
Let's just hope today isn't the day that he dumps orange juice over his brother's head or dumps another box of rice crispies all over the floor, and please oh please don't jam one more thing into my brand new toilet. The other day he decided that the toilet needed a dish towel and a beach towel jammed into it all at the same time.
Friday, February 5, 2010
What would you do?
What would say to your spouse or loved one, if you only had 15 minutes in a day. Would you try to squeeze in every last thought or just say a few words and let them have the floor? Would you feel cheated out of time when the timer went off or would you be glad it was over?
What if your time with your child was reduced to only a few minutes each day? Could you say all that needed to be said or would you be left standing there in tears because you knew the time was up?
What if your parent lay in the hospital bed, dying, with minutes left in their life. Would you be able to be strong for your mother or father. Would you embrace them and hold them like never before? Because you know that eternity is just around the corner for them?
How about if you knew that you had a terminal illness and knew that you yourself only had a short time left to live. Would you live all you could for all the living you didn't do while you had the chance? would there be people that you would try to contact? Would you try to make amends with any people that would stay behind after you were gone?
You know we are but a breath of air on the earth and then we are gone. No-one knows the day or the hour that we shall pass. Some doctors like to play "God" with people and tell them you only have 6 months to live or 2 weeks... my thought about that is that there is no test on earth that can be performed on us that would tell the exact moment that we shall perish. Perfect example.. my soon to be three year old..
Many doctors told us that Garrett wouldn't live a day, even if I had carried him to term.. my water broke at 20 weeks and I carried him to twenty five weeks with no fluid.. His lungs won't develop, they told me. You should abort him. I said "No way" If God wants to take him, he will be in a much better place.. if God wants me.. I am ready to go. If not, then, we will let God decide what kind of life our son will have.
Today that little guy is not so little anymore.. he was 1 lb 8 oz at birth and 11.5 inches.. he's now 25 pounds and 3 feet tall. He romps around my home with the greatest of ease and give me a heart attack about once a day with his little antics. the doctors didn't see the whole picture that God knew since the beginning of Creation.
So here's my summary...tell people that you love them.. and mean it.
Your kids are important and you should tell them everyday that you love them and how special they are to you, you think they will outlive you, but I know people that have buried not one but three young children.
My friend calls his mom every single night before she goes to bed to tell her that he loves her and that touches my heart.
Live life while you can. Don't be depressed over things that you have no control over, or the past which is gone and is never coming back. You can't change another person, only God can do that . You can change you and your outlook on life. Instead of seeing the thorns on the rosebush, stop and admire the beauty that lies within each petal.
If you are sick, maybe have diabetes, don't sit there and whine about it all the time, {while sucking down a non-diet soda or eating a candy bar that you know you aren't supposed to eat.. change your attitude and your lifestyle so that you might live longer and healthier.
Did you know that it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile. A piece of friendly advice... smile it'll cheer you up and most likely someone else will benefit from your mood.
How about a toe stepper? If you are overweight {and most people know if they are or not and don't have to be told by a two year old.. Hey mister.. you're fat!} Do something about it and stop living denial. Work on your own diet plan.. forget all these Plans that usually get you "fatter" when you stop doing it. Mostly it's your attitude toward the thing that is going to motivate you into action. but doing nothing here, is NOT an option. (want to know a secret..sh no telling... I got really heavy for a few years.. and now my youngest is 16 months old.. my goal is to be the weight that I was 15 years ago. !%) It is attainable and I only have $$ to go. I'm proud that I did this on my own with no big diet plan or someone screaming in my face that i didn't lose enough weight that week.. Hey I'm proud of those people on biggest loser if they lose 1 pound in a week, at least they didn't gain 1!
Tell me what will you do. will you talk to more people? Will yo settle disagreements before that person is buried 6 feet under and there isn't going to be a settling then. Will you try to smile more and be pleasant to people, in the stores,while waiting in line, how about when you are driving out on the highway? I have seen some really discourteous drivers out there and you know it's ridiculous, we've all got to get somewhere. but please don't run me over in the process. right.
So make today the day that you do those things that are on your "to-do" list. And Hey! humor me... Smile already!!!
What if your time with your child was reduced to only a few minutes each day? Could you say all that needed to be said or would you be left standing there in tears because you knew the time was up?
What if your parent lay in the hospital bed, dying, with minutes left in their life. Would you be able to be strong for your mother or father. Would you embrace them and hold them like never before? Because you know that eternity is just around the corner for them?
How about if you knew that you had a terminal illness and knew that you yourself only had a short time left to live. Would you live all you could for all the living you didn't do while you had the chance? would there be people that you would try to contact? Would you try to make amends with any people that would stay behind after you were gone?
You know we are but a breath of air on the earth and then we are gone. No-one knows the day or the hour that we shall pass. Some doctors like to play "God" with people and tell them you only have 6 months to live or 2 weeks... my thought about that is that there is no test on earth that can be performed on us that would tell the exact moment that we shall perish. Perfect example.. my soon to be three year old..
Many doctors told us that Garrett wouldn't live a day, even if I had carried him to term.. my water broke at 20 weeks and I carried him to twenty five weeks with no fluid.. His lungs won't develop, they told me. You should abort him. I said "No way" If God wants to take him, he will be in a much better place.. if God wants me.. I am ready to go. If not, then, we will let God decide what kind of life our son will have.
Today that little guy is not so little anymore.. he was 1 lb 8 oz at birth and 11.5 inches.. he's now 25 pounds and 3 feet tall. He romps around my home with the greatest of ease and give me a heart attack about once a day with his little antics. the doctors didn't see the whole picture that God knew since the beginning of Creation.
So here's my summary...tell people that you love them.. and mean it.
Your kids are important and you should tell them everyday that you love them and how special they are to you, you think they will outlive you, but I know people that have buried not one but three young children.
My friend calls his mom every single night before she goes to bed to tell her that he loves her and that touches my heart.
Live life while you can. Don't be depressed over things that you have no control over, or the past which is gone and is never coming back. You can't change another person, only God can do that . You can change you and your outlook on life. Instead of seeing the thorns on the rosebush, stop and admire the beauty that lies within each petal.
If you are sick, maybe have diabetes, don't sit there and whine about it all the time, {while sucking down a non-diet soda or eating a candy bar that you know you aren't supposed to eat.. change your attitude and your lifestyle so that you might live longer and healthier.
Did you know that it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile. A piece of friendly advice... smile it'll cheer you up and most likely someone else will benefit from your mood.
How about a toe stepper? If you are overweight {and most people know if they are or not and don't have to be told by a two year old.. Hey mister.. you're fat!} Do something about it and stop living denial. Work on your own diet plan.. forget all these Plans that usually get you "fatter" when you stop doing it. Mostly it's your attitude toward the thing that is going to motivate you into action. but doing nothing here, is NOT an option. (want to know a secret..sh no telling... I got really heavy for a few years.. and now my youngest is 16 months old.. my goal is to be the weight that I was 15 years ago. !%) It is attainable and I only have $$ to go. I'm proud that I did this on my own with no big diet plan or someone screaming in my face that i didn't lose enough weight that week.. Hey I'm proud of those people on biggest loser if they lose 1 pound in a week, at least they didn't gain 1!
Tell me what will you do. will you talk to more people? Will yo settle disagreements before that person is buried 6 feet under and there isn't going to be a settling then. Will you try to smile more and be pleasant to people, in the stores,while waiting in line, how about when you are driving out on the highway? I have seen some really discourteous drivers out there and you know it's ridiculous, we've all got to get somewhere. but please don't run me over in the process. right.
So make today the day that you do those things that are on your "to-do" list. And Hey! humor me... Smile already!!!
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