This year has been one of the worst years ever, for me, emotionally.
I have had had more strain in 365 days than I think one person should have to endure in an entire lifetime.
My emotions have raced excitedly up one side of the roller coaster and back down the other in a plummeting crash.
I have prayed for friends and had their requests answered and prayed for my own and felt that I was bouncing my head against a brick wall of silence.
My patience has been stretched like a rubber band about ready to snap from too much pressure.
I have felt that there were times that I had one nerve left and it seemed as if someone was stomping on it, laughing in glee, at my demise.
My heart has poured out more tears than I thought were humanly possible, and yet there is probably more in the well spring where that came from.
Yet in all of this I will testify to my Heavenly Father's "Overwhelming Goodness".
In my moments of anguish and agony, my Heavenly Father has never left me standing alone.
He has been my Refuge in the midst of my storm and my Light House when I thought I was lost at sea.
My Lord has been my Fortress and my Rock of Salvation when I felt as though I was on an island of constant sinking sand.
When I have called out on the name of my Lord, He has been right there to hold my hand and lead the way through my dark stormy night, of loneliness and despair.
I would like to publicly acknowledge that without the support of my friends and family, I wouldn't have survived.
There were many days that one or more of them would call me just to ask how I was doing and if they had not.. I think I might have drowned in the gulf of overwhelmed-ness.
When I look at the presents that came into our home and lay under our home grown Christmas tree, I was starkly aware of God's goodness to us despite our circumstances.
I am thankful that God knows exactly what we need and is prepared to pour out the blessings of heaven even when we might feel like we do not deserve them.
If you feel like you are at the end of your rope and are about to fall off the cliff of stability..
May I suggest that you place your hand in the Hand of the Man who calmed the sea.
May I suggest that you turn your sorrows and your worries over to the God that created the mountains by the word of his mouth and breathed the very breath into our nostrils that we breath.
Let the One who has sustained me and blessed me beyond all measure amidst my grief and agony.. Let Him be your all in all. Let him be The God who gives you comfort as he has comforted me through the longest night of my life.
When you feel that you cannot hang on one second longer.. Know Him that is able to save completely and is able to bind up your broken heart and fill you with his presence that surpasses all human understanding.
I know and will give Him all the Glory forever. Does it mean that I will no longer grieve or feel anger at the circumstances of my life.. No but through it all I've learned to Trust in Jesus, I've learned to trust in God, no matter what life throws at me. I know that God is bigger than my problems and I will praise Him.
Amen!!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
"Stepping on Toes"
Tonight, I am most likely going to be "stepping on toes". I am not pointing a bony finger at any one person in particular so please don't be offended! These are just some things that I have noticed and am bothered by and I thought I would pen them down.
Big breath.. now a big release!!
I want to say that when I drive around town, I see little and I mean little children out in the streets and alleys. I look to see "where's the mom? Is the dad nearby? Who's watching that kid any how. NO-ONE!!!
As I was driving to do my weekly visitation of someone who is in jail, the other day, there were about 5 or 6 small children ranging from 18m or less to about 5 years of age. An oncoming car was trying to proceed around the corner.. the baby was directly in the street. I wildly motioned for the driver to stop and wait, because I could see what she could not. A BABY!
The driver stopped and I called for one of the little ones to remove the baby from the street.. Then I got angry as I realized.. my goodness they are all just babies.. There was no mother no father no adult anywhere to be seen, except me and the other driver. She wagged her head in disbelief too!!
I was in the store yesterday getting stuff for my own sick children and there comes a little 2 or 3 year old.. calling mama mama.. i looked.. no mama..nowhere to be seen. little girl is crying.. then I look and there comes what must have been the sister. Looking for mama. Apparently, "Mama" thought it was a good idea to let her two children out of her sight while she was over in the magazine section checking out the latest gossip of Angelina and Jen and seeing what's coming on the soaps this week.
Okay here comes the ouchy part.. People need to wake up.. we don't live back in the 30's and 40's folks when the worst thing that could happen was Johnny stole a penny candy at the grocer shop.
No, we are living in a kid knap-rampant society, where uncles kill their nieces, where a neighbor has no qualms about going into a house and abducting a child. We live in a place where people pretend to be a nurse and steal a sick baby right out of the NICU. How sick is that!!
I was at the park a while back and there came two little fellows about the same age as my Jack and Garrett( add a year not much more) and they were at the park for about an hour..I did talk to them and said you boys should be getting home (dusk was upon the situation) and go straight home, don't stop to talk to anyone and tell your mommy that you are home.
My daughter said.." that makes you look like a sicko-Mom. I said no the one that looks like a sicko is the one sitting on her coach watching O or Dr. P and not giving a doggone that her two boys were in danger.. not from me, but what if a stranger had been there and decided ..." oh these are just the type I am looking for." And believe -you- me they are out there.
They were friendly little chaps as most young fellers are, a candy bribe or could you help me find my lost doggie story and those two could have disappeared for ever without a trace and why.. because someone wasn't watching.
My kids tell me almost daily that I am way too over protective and I should lighten up the reigns.
My reply to that is when you are a mom you can determine when to loosen things up a little bit.
So folks, let's go back to the basics of life where we know where our kids are at all times.. when I say no it still means no!! it doesn't mean push past no and see just how far you can get without hanging your self in that loop hole you found.
Mom's and dad's this is for you.. and any one who has care of children..
pay attention to where they are .. keep them with you as much as possible check on the computer pages. erase all filth. and do not allow them to think that just because they turned a certain age, you have no control.. cuz we have control and responsibility of them until they are moved into their own place and are making it on their own in life.
Okay enough stepping on toes.. I'm going to get some ZZZZZZ's
Big breath.. now a big release!!
I want to say that when I drive around town, I see little and I mean little children out in the streets and alleys. I look to see "where's the mom? Is the dad nearby? Who's watching that kid any how. NO-ONE!!!
As I was driving to do my weekly visitation of someone who is in jail, the other day, there were about 5 or 6 small children ranging from 18m or less to about 5 years of age. An oncoming car was trying to proceed around the corner.. the baby was directly in the street. I wildly motioned for the driver to stop and wait, because I could see what she could not. A BABY!
The driver stopped and I called for one of the little ones to remove the baby from the street.. Then I got angry as I realized.. my goodness they are all just babies.. There was no mother no father no adult anywhere to be seen, except me and the other driver. She wagged her head in disbelief too!!
I was in the store yesterday getting stuff for my own sick children and there comes a little 2 or 3 year old.. calling mama mama.. i looked.. no mama..nowhere to be seen. little girl is crying.. then I look and there comes what must have been the sister. Looking for mama. Apparently, "Mama" thought it was a good idea to let her two children out of her sight while she was over in the magazine section checking out the latest gossip of Angelina and Jen and seeing what's coming on the soaps this week.
Okay here comes the ouchy part.. People need to wake up.. we don't live back in the 30's and 40's folks when the worst thing that could happen was Johnny stole a penny candy at the grocer shop.
No, we are living in a kid knap-rampant society, where uncles kill their nieces, where a neighbor has no qualms about going into a house and abducting a child. We live in a place where people pretend to be a nurse and steal a sick baby right out of the NICU. How sick is that!!
I was at the park a while back and there came two little fellows about the same age as my Jack and Garrett( add a year not much more) and they were at the park for about an hour..I did talk to them and said you boys should be getting home (dusk was upon the situation) and go straight home, don't stop to talk to anyone and tell your mommy that you are home.
My daughter said.." that makes you look like a sicko-Mom. I said no the one that looks like a sicko is the one sitting on her coach watching O or Dr. P and not giving a doggone that her two boys were in danger.. not from me, but what if a stranger had been there and decided ..." oh these are just the type I am looking for." And believe -you- me they are out there.
They were friendly little chaps as most young fellers are, a candy bribe or could you help me find my lost doggie story and those two could have disappeared for ever without a trace and why.. because someone wasn't watching.
My kids tell me almost daily that I am way too over protective and I should lighten up the reigns.
My reply to that is when you are a mom you can determine when to loosen things up a little bit.
So folks, let's go back to the basics of life where we know where our kids are at all times.. when I say no it still means no!! it doesn't mean push past no and see just how far you can get without hanging your self in that loop hole you found.
Mom's and dad's this is for you.. and any one who has care of children..
pay attention to where they are .. keep them with you as much as possible check on the computer pages. erase all filth. and do not allow them to think that just because they turned a certain age, you have no control.. cuz we have control and responsibility of them until they are moved into their own place and are making it on their own in life.
Okay enough stepping on toes.. I'm going to get some ZZZZZZ's
Saturday, October 23, 2010
To be 16
16 years ago today,
I lay on a white bed,
screaming my head off,
pushing for all I was worth
forever it seemed.
They could see hair.
blonde they said.
I could just feel pain.
Pure agony. Just get her out.
I wailed.
I prevailed.
She came.
She cried.
She looked around .
She is Hannah.
Hannah is outspoken and strong willed.
Hannah is a loop hole finder.
Hannah is a friend without question.
Hannah is a scrapper and a fighter.
She is Hannah.
She sets her mind.
Try to change it.
She will get what she wants.
She is in charge and don't forget it.
She knows no limits.
She is my Hannah.
Black hair not Blonde when she was born.
They were blind.. not me..
Now she has Blonde hair, shines like gold.
Her hair gives her fits, it has to be cut!
She is my Hannah.
There are days when we butt heads,
Say words we probably shouldn't say,
Go in our own separate ways,
Say fine be that way..
She is my Hannah.
I love her dearly and wouldn't trade her for the
world. though I often joke her
that if someone were to kidnap her
they would bring her back with an apology note
and I would be glad to say
Good.. because she is my Hannah.
Happy birthday sweetheart and I hope that
life leads you down a road of happiness
and that one day you will find your dreams
and they will all come true.
I love you my Hannah. I do and don't ever forget it.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
It's Possible
This writing is to inspire you in your life.. I will keep it fresh and real as always.. I hope that you're inspired and this helps you make it thru yet another day..
If you know me personally, you know that life has been throwing me a curve ball about every other day or so. I think that the deck of cards has been stacked against me and the "house" so to speak is trying to cash in what chips I have left of sanity.
So here is a small portion, cuz I am still not truly at liberty to "tell all" maybe in a couple of months, I will be able to do so but for now, just know that the past 13 months have definitely been the most difficult in all of my life.
Foster homes, mental, physical, emotional abuse, neglect, trauma of every kind, you name it and I most likely experienced it. Fast forward to adulthood. Five miscarriages, a lost adoption, a failed marriage.
A second marriage.. to a guy that I love and cherish.. but I can't go there right now, because there's many chapters about this that I cannot post right now. I will sometime, I promise.
I have had my share of heart aches and disappointments to say the least, and that most likely, the past 13 months have been the worst of my life.
Loneliness, heart aches, disaster of every shape and form ( I have a 2 and a 3 yr old.) Being a mother of four children and trying to raise them on my own.
Currently, my ex husband is suing me for custody of my two daughters.. of which is a laughable joke, but no joking matter. His record is less than pristine. His absent-ness in their lives for the past five years will speak volumes. My records of child support or lack there of is black and white proof of his failure as a father.. yet he says he is the better parent!
Then on top of all of this I have issues with other people in my life that instead of trying to help, they want to criticize and hurt my feelings to boot.
Let's just say that life has been one thing after the next and I haven't actually gone berserk yet, though a few times, I think I saw the men in the little white coats just around the corner ready to take me in. Or better yet, whenever there is a loud knock on the door I automatically assume that it is the cops! That is a shame, right. Yeah! That's what I think too.
I will switch gears to the real reason of this post.
Sometimes life is "helter-skelter!" Life throws a monkey wrench or two or a hundred in my case> Kids scream. Messes happen. Feelings get hurt. Challenges are all around. Bills have to get paid (sometimes even when we don't know where the dough will come from..right?) The house needs cleaned. The dogs bark, people we care about are sick and die. Teenager issues, older parent issues, etc.` Your nerves feel like they will explode if one more thing occurs.. right?
Yep! The list could go on and on and fill up a whole page or more. If I polled each one of you and all your friends and family, we would find out that life is full of stress and chaos.
Is it possible to be happy and content in these situations.. I think the answer is yes. Do I think that we have to have a smile plastered across our faces all the time, no and that's not real.
Honestly, I know the only way that I have not succumbed to the overwhelming urge to throw in the towel in my life on many occasions, has been the fact that I have the Lord on my side.
The God I serve is bigger than any of my problems and since I realize that he created the entire universe, knows each star by name and can remember the events of my life from the moment of conception until now and knows all those details for the 6 billion other people in this world too, I can rest and let Him handle things.
He sees the whole picture as a whole, whereas I only see the little bits and chunks of my life and mostly only have memories of the past, I know the current pretty well, but have no clue of what the next moment or how the future will play out.
I have come to a better understanding of what happened to Job in the Old Testament.
God asked Satan, "have you considered my servant Job?" to which Satan replied "yes but you have your hand of protection on him."
With that God allowed Satan to touch certain aspects of Job's life, but God still held the upper hand, as to exactly what Satan was allowed to do and what he was not permitted to do. Yep! He pretty well destroyed every aspect of Job's life. But God WAS STILL IN CONTROL.
That has been my stabilizer during everything that I have been going thru. God is in ultimate control and will allow things to occur in our lives but he won't let Satan go beyond what he is allowed to do.
This is what can give us peace in the storm and help us to remain calm in the biggest crisis we have been in yet. I say yet, because until you are dead and gone, a bigger one could come.
It's how I can say to my ex husband.. you know even if the judge would award you custody of our children, even though you have proven to be a "dead- beat" dad for most of their lives.. I know that God has a plan and is in control.
The fact that God has the proverbial "wheel of life", helps when people criticize instead of help me.
I rest each night in the arms of Jesus, knowing that yes I could lose my $, but if that should happen I know the Creator of the Universe and I believe Him when he promises to provide all my needs.
So today, take stock in the fact that God is in control, no matter what the circumstances are and if you allow God to be God you will still be able to smile when the hurricane called "life" comes rushing through!!
Have a great day and know that God Is In Control!!
If you know me personally, you know that life has been throwing me a curve ball about every other day or so. I think that the deck of cards has been stacked against me and the "house" so to speak is trying to cash in what chips I have left of sanity.
So here is a small portion, cuz I am still not truly at liberty to "tell all" maybe in a couple of months, I will be able to do so but for now, just know that the past 13 months have definitely been the most difficult in all of my life.
Foster homes, mental, physical, emotional abuse, neglect, trauma of every kind, you name it and I most likely experienced it. Fast forward to adulthood. Five miscarriages, a lost adoption, a failed marriage.
A second marriage.. to a guy that I love and cherish.. but I can't go there right now, because there's many chapters about this that I cannot post right now. I will sometime, I promise.
I have had my share of heart aches and disappointments to say the least, and that most likely, the past 13 months have been the worst of my life.
Loneliness, heart aches, disaster of every shape and form ( I have a 2 and a 3 yr old.) Being a mother of four children and trying to raise them on my own.
Currently, my ex husband is suing me for custody of my two daughters.. of which is a laughable joke, but no joking matter. His record is less than pristine. His absent-ness in their lives for the past five years will speak volumes. My records of child support or lack there of is black and white proof of his failure as a father.. yet he says he is the better parent!
Then on top of all of this I have issues with other people in my life that instead of trying to help, they want to criticize and hurt my feelings to boot.
Let's just say that life has been one thing after the next and I haven't actually gone berserk yet, though a few times, I think I saw the men in the little white coats just around the corner ready to take me in. Or better yet, whenever there is a loud knock on the door I automatically assume that it is the cops! That is a shame, right. Yeah! That's what I think too.
I will switch gears to the real reason of this post.
Sometimes life is "helter-skelter!" Life throws a monkey wrench or two or a hundred in my case> Kids scream. Messes happen. Feelings get hurt. Challenges are all around. Bills have to get paid (sometimes even when we don't know where the dough will come from..right?) The house needs cleaned. The dogs bark, people we care about are sick and die. Teenager issues, older parent issues, etc.` Your nerves feel like they will explode if one more thing occurs.. right?
Yep! The list could go on and on and fill up a whole page or more. If I polled each one of you and all your friends and family, we would find out that life is full of stress and chaos.
Is it possible to be happy and content in these situations.. I think the answer is yes. Do I think that we have to have a smile plastered across our faces all the time, no and that's not real.
Honestly, I know the only way that I have not succumbed to the overwhelming urge to throw in the towel in my life on many occasions, has been the fact that I have the Lord on my side.
The God I serve is bigger than any of my problems and since I realize that he created the entire universe, knows each star by name and can remember the events of my life from the moment of conception until now and knows all those details for the 6 billion other people in this world too, I can rest and let Him handle things.
He sees the whole picture as a whole, whereas I only see the little bits and chunks of my life and mostly only have memories of the past, I know the current pretty well, but have no clue of what the next moment or how the future will play out.
I have come to a better understanding of what happened to Job in the Old Testament.
God asked Satan, "have you considered my servant Job?" to which Satan replied "yes but you have your hand of protection on him."
With that God allowed Satan to touch certain aspects of Job's life, but God still held the upper hand, as to exactly what Satan was allowed to do and what he was not permitted to do. Yep! He pretty well destroyed every aspect of Job's life. But God WAS STILL IN CONTROL.
That has been my stabilizer during everything that I have been going thru. God is in ultimate control and will allow things to occur in our lives but he won't let Satan go beyond what he is allowed to do.
This is what can give us peace in the storm and help us to remain calm in the biggest crisis we have been in yet. I say yet, because until you are dead and gone, a bigger one could come.
It's how I can say to my ex husband.. you know even if the judge would award you custody of our children, even though you have proven to be a "dead- beat" dad for most of their lives.. I know that God has a plan and is in control.
The fact that God has the proverbial "wheel of life", helps when people criticize instead of help me.
I rest each night in the arms of Jesus, knowing that yes I could lose my $, but if that should happen I know the Creator of the Universe and I believe Him when he promises to provide all my needs.
So today, take stock in the fact that God is in control, no matter what the circumstances are and if you allow God to be God you will still be able to smile when the hurricane called "life" comes rushing through!!
Have a great day and know that God Is In Control!!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
What's worse a messy house or..
I am going to talk about something today, that is a sore subject for some people..
You know me, I always keep it real and it's usually fresh off the press of my heart.
Today, I had something happen that I don't feel should ever happen.
A person who is supposed to be very close to me and love me even if I have faults and even if one of them is the fact that my house isn't always "perfect."
Guess what? It generally isn't.. until about 8 pm at night and then the "momsters" go to bed and what I just cleaned stays that way until the four of them come charging down the steps the next morning, raring to greet the day and ready to sweep thru like a raging bull in a china closet.
So here is the story.. I was talking to this dear person on the phone and so that no feelings get hurt (except mine of course.. I will not insert a name.. fair enough.)
I was talking on the phone to this person and the conversation seemed to be going okay.. then I asked the person if they would like to come down to visit me on the weekend because I missed them and just wanted to spend some time with them.
As always, with this person.. I was putting myself out there to be trampled on, because the answer is usually the same "Well we are busy with our lives and you know that someone is working..."
So I started to back off to spare my feelings of hurt from coming thru the phone.. and that is when the person said "well you should be able to read thru the lines here."
Actually, I am a nice person and kind of naive at times so I said truthfully, "no I don't know what you mean about reading between the lines."
They said "Well, I don't want to be at your house for a long period of time and actually I don't even want to eat at your house.. the last time I was there, your house was so bad.. why if children and youth would see your daughters bed room.. oh my you might get condemned.."
To which I very quickly kicked into my "protection of me" mode * see note at the end*
and said "oh that is okay, I've gotta go now." and immediately hung up the phone and of course started to cry.
My home isn't perfect by any sense of the word, but it is my home and I do the best that I can to keep it cozy and comfortable for my family and for any who choose to visit.
You know what hurts the most, is the fact that we shouldn't have to have our guard up around our hearts to protect us from daggers from people who are supposed to be our support base, the ones we turn to when we need love, the ones we love unconditionally, even when they hurt us.
To me, if I would ever treat another person that way, that would be worse than having a deplorable house. The person's heart is way more important to me than what they look like or the condition of their home.
Am I advocating that people should live in filth and just say to heck with it I quit..
No I am saying that in life, not all things are perfect, and usually no one thinks their house is ever quite clean enough. But one thing is for certain.. if you called me up and said Georgia I am hurting right now, could I come over.. my door would swing wide to let you have room to unload the heavy burden of your heart and I hope that if I served you tea you would overlook the fact that perhaps the cup may have a slight chip in the side.
I would rather have a chip in the cup or a spot of dirt on the floor, maybe even a cobweb hanging from above than have a chip in my heart or soil in my attitude, or clobber someone that I love with the words that I may say.
Let us choose carefully the way we treat others remembering that we are all not perfect and in one way or the other we all fall short of The Glory of God.
Lord, right here in the public view of whoever reads this blog.. let me pray for the one that stuck a dagger in my heart today and gave it a good hardy twist. Please bless that person with a dose of joy so that they may over look my faults and short comings even my chaotic house..
And Lord, help me to remember that I get my worth from being your daughter and that even though I may not be good enough for certain people.. Lord I am good enough for you and that will help me to sleep easier in my bed tonight.. even if I don't make it properly in the morning.
What is my protection of me mode: No one is going to disrespect me any more. I will walk away, get in my car and drive away or hang up the phone..
The reason why?
Cuz my name is not"Matt" door mat
You know me, I always keep it real and it's usually fresh off the press of my heart.
Today, I had something happen that I don't feel should ever happen.
A person who is supposed to be very close to me and love me even if I have faults and even if one of them is the fact that my house isn't always "perfect."
Guess what? It generally isn't.. until about 8 pm at night and then the "momsters" go to bed and what I just cleaned stays that way until the four of them come charging down the steps the next morning, raring to greet the day and ready to sweep thru like a raging bull in a china closet.
So here is the story.. I was talking to this dear person on the phone and so that no feelings get hurt (except mine of course.. I will not insert a name.. fair enough.)
I was talking on the phone to this person and the conversation seemed to be going okay.. then I asked the person if they would like to come down to visit me on the weekend because I missed them and just wanted to spend some time with them.
As always, with this person.. I was putting myself out there to be trampled on, because the answer is usually the same "Well we are busy with our lives and you know that someone is working..."
So I started to back off to spare my feelings of hurt from coming thru the phone.. and that is when the person said "well you should be able to read thru the lines here."
Actually, I am a nice person and kind of naive at times so I said truthfully, "no I don't know what you mean about reading between the lines."
They said "Well, I don't want to be at your house for a long period of time and actually I don't even want to eat at your house.. the last time I was there, your house was so bad.. why if children and youth would see your daughters bed room.. oh my you might get condemned.."
To which I very quickly kicked into my "protection of me" mode * see note at the end*
and said "oh that is okay, I've gotta go now." and immediately hung up the phone and of course started to cry.
My home isn't perfect by any sense of the word, but it is my home and I do the best that I can to keep it cozy and comfortable for my family and for any who choose to visit.
You know what hurts the most, is the fact that we shouldn't have to have our guard up around our hearts to protect us from daggers from people who are supposed to be our support base, the ones we turn to when we need love, the ones we love unconditionally, even when they hurt us.
To me, if I would ever treat another person that way, that would be worse than having a deplorable house. The person's heart is way more important to me than what they look like or the condition of their home.
Am I advocating that people should live in filth and just say to heck with it I quit..
No I am saying that in life, not all things are perfect, and usually no one thinks their house is ever quite clean enough. But one thing is for certain.. if you called me up and said Georgia I am hurting right now, could I come over.. my door would swing wide to let you have room to unload the heavy burden of your heart and I hope that if I served you tea you would overlook the fact that perhaps the cup may have a slight chip in the side.
I would rather have a chip in the cup or a spot of dirt on the floor, maybe even a cobweb hanging from above than have a chip in my heart or soil in my attitude, or clobber someone that I love with the words that I may say.
Let us choose carefully the way we treat others remembering that we are all not perfect and in one way or the other we all fall short of The Glory of God.
Lord, right here in the public view of whoever reads this blog.. let me pray for the one that stuck a dagger in my heart today and gave it a good hardy twist. Please bless that person with a dose of joy so that they may over look my faults and short comings even my chaotic house..
And Lord, help me to remember that I get my worth from being your daughter and that even though I may not be good enough for certain people.. Lord I am good enough for you and that will help me to sleep easier in my bed tonight.. even if I don't make it properly in the morning.
What is my protection of me mode: No one is going to disrespect me any more. I will walk away, get in my car and drive away or hang up the phone..
The reason why?
Cuz my name is not"Matt" door mat
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
You think you got it tough?
You think your life is so hard?
Your life could be different?
Maybe you wish for a different house or different kids
(only on certain days I know..)
Well, tonight I am going to share with you a couple of real life stories..
I have a friend named "L". L has been incarcerated for 36 years. She is 65 years old and will spend the rest of her natural life in prison.
I I have a friend "R" that has been arrested 37 times and that last one will land him in state prison for the next 30 years without parole. "R" is 65.
I have another friend that is in prison for 12-25 years and was threatened that if he didn't cooperate with new laws that were formulated after his initial incarceration.. that If you don't comply with these new laws you will serve your maximum sentence.
I know someone who plead guilty to crimes he didn't commit and was jailed for 2-30 years and will most likely spend a good portion of the latter number in jail for reasons that are beyond my understanding.
I know a lady that is in jail for several more years for harming her child.. she is being punished for a crime that she committed but honestly doesn't have the understanding of an adult and therefore shouldn't have been tried as such.
I know a man that viewed and downloaded hundreds of videos of porn.. yes kiddy porn.. and will spend the next ten years in a Federal Prison.
I know a man that was accused not once but twice of touching a child in an inappropriate way and was convicted both times and I am convinced of his innocence.. I know more about this person than I do all the others. I am strongly aware of every detail of this case.
To most people this comes as a shock that I would associate with the "likes of these"
but to me they are just people. All of them are people searching for God and seeking truth and life.
Lord let me be the one that loves these that are disgraceful, let me be the one that you place your mantle on, the one that the prisoners can come home and talk to.
Lord let me be the eyes for the unsightly, let me be your hands of those that are broken, let me be your arms to reach around a mom and her kids when all seems to fail.
Let me be a miracle in their deepest darkest night.
Pour me out as a drink offering to the ones who are in prison, to show them Lord
that though the world despises them, Lord that you still love and cherish them and that you have their name carved in the palm of your hands.
Let me be a ray of hope that can somehow pull them from the depths of despair. Let the words that flow from my pen be guarded by angels as they read with tears flowing down their cheeks onto their heart, that you loved them and died for them and choose that none should perish
Lord let me love them as you have loved me and not look at them with a judging spirit.. But with the eyes of Jesus. Full of love and compassion for the hurting souls.
When I think that my days are so very long and so awfully Hard.. let me remember "L" who doesn't know how long until she draws her final breath, ( that I know there are times she wished it would finally come today.)
Let my heart remember that if it wasn't for your mercy and grace in my life, God, that I could be sitting on my cot day after day and wondering when will that last breath come. Or when will someone finally be my friend and give me some hope?
Think your life is tough,, and yes each of us goes through things that are extremely difficult, sometimes unbearable and down right unbelievable. Trust me, I know, because for the past five years.. I have had one night mare after the other and just when I think it couldn't get any worse than the unthinkable happens and another chapter has begun.
Lord, let my eyes see your people who are hurting and allow me to pour your love into them and make them brand new just like you did for me.
Lord make me whole and complete.. so the love that pours out of me comes straight from you. Amen
Your life could be different?
Maybe you wish for a different house or different kids
(only on certain days I know..)
Well, tonight I am going to share with you a couple of real life stories..
I have a friend named "L". L has been incarcerated for 36 years. She is 65 years old and will spend the rest of her natural life in prison.
I I have a friend "R" that has been arrested 37 times and that last one will land him in state prison for the next 30 years without parole. "R" is 65.
I have another friend that is in prison for 12-25 years and was threatened that if he didn't cooperate with new laws that were formulated after his initial incarceration.. that If you don't comply with these new laws you will serve your maximum sentence.
I know someone who plead guilty to crimes he didn't commit and was jailed for 2-30 years and will most likely spend a good portion of the latter number in jail for reasons that are beyond my understanding.
I know a lady that is in jail for several more years for harming her child.. she is being punished for a crime that she committed but honestly doesn't have the understanding of an adult and therefore shouldn't have been tried as such.
I know a man that viewed and downloaded hundreds of videos of porn.. yes kiddy porn.. and will spend the next ten years in a Federal Prison.
I know a man that was accused not once but twice of touching a child in an inappropriate way and was convicted both times and I am convinced of his innocence.. I know more about this person than I do all the others. I am strongly aware of every detail of this case.
To most people this comes as a shock that I would associate with the "likes of these"
but to me they are just people. All of them are people searching for God and seeking truth and life.
Lord let me be the one that loves these that are disgraceful, let me be the one that you place your mantle on, the one that the prisoners can come home and talk to.
Lord let me be the eyes for the unsightly, let me be your hands of those that are broken, let me be your arms to reach around a mom and her kids when all seems to fail.
Let me be a miracle in their deepest darkest night.
Pour me out as a drink offering to the ones who are in prison, to show them Lord
that though the world despises them, Lord that you still love and cherish them and that you have their name carved in the palm of your hands.
Let me be a ray of hope that can somehow pull them from the depths of despair. Let the words that flow from my pen be guarded by angels as they read with tears flowing down their cheeks onto their heart, that you loved them and died for them and choose that none should perish
Lord let me love them as you have loved me and not look at them with a judging spirit.. But with the eyes of Jesus. Full of love and compassion for the hurting souls.
When I think that my days are so very long and so awfully Hard.. let me remember "L" who doesn't know how long until she draws her final breath, ( that I know there are times she wished it would finally come today.)
Let my heart remember that if it wasn't for your mercy and grace in my life, God, that I could be sitting on my cot day after day and wondering when will that last breath come. Or when will someone finally be my friend and give me some hope?
Think your life is tough,, and yes each of us goes through things that are extremely difficult, sometimes unbearable and down right unbelievable. Trust me, I know, because for the past five years.. I have had one night mare after the other and just when I think it couldn't get any worse than the unthinkable happens and another chapter has begun.
Lord, let my eyes see your people who are hurting and allow me to pour your love into them and make them brand new just like you did for me.
Lord make me whole and complete.. so the love that pours out of me comes straight from you. Amen
Monday, September 13, 2010
A Happy Face
Sometimes in life you see people that always have a "happy face."
There are those that always seem to "have it together."
Then there are those that are like me and wear their emotions on their sleeve, so to speak. For me it is next to impossible to hide the feelings that reside in the heart. If I am happy it truly does radiate on my face. If there is heartache that lies just beneath the surface of my shirt (most likely stained by my two year old and three year old thinking I am their napkin) Oh sorry back on point..
If that heart ache is there it could erupt like a dam bursting in a flood of emotion. This past year.. I have gone through something that most people don't have to experience in a lifetime. (It's not over yet and doesn't look like it will be for a very long time.)
I know that My Lord has carried me through days of total chaos and confusion, tears and sobbing in my darkest of nights. His strong arms have supported me in the overwhelming flood. He has never left me forsaken or standing alone.
I desire to tell any who read this post that when the rivers of life are engulfing and the storm clouds crash all around.. God is able to deliver thee safe unto his sheltering arms of mercy and He is only a prayer away.
When you feel alone, lost, confused, when you feel that if one more thing should be dumped in your lap that you will collapse under the strain.. that is when the Lord will lift you up. You shall run and not be weary, you shall walk and not faint you shall mount up with wings of an eagle.
So I do try to keep a "happy face" on despite the circumstance of my life and if you know me, the chapters have been coming one right after the other, with an intensity of Mount Saint Helen's eruption and a swift hurricane rushing through the gulf of Mexico all at the same time.
Many days, a friend or two.. will call and the tears will come gushing out along with all the emotions that have caused them, will rush out too. I am so thankful that I have a handful of friends that have constantly supported me through this year. I appreciate all of them "just checking to see how I am." Without the Lord and the ones here that really do care I think this ol ship would have sunk straight away to the bottom of this ocean of doom and gloom and agony on me.
Have you ever said to someone (kind of in passing in church or the store..) "So how are you?" Perhaps the next time you say those words you should look into the eyes of the one who holds that "happy face" and see if their eyes tell a story that their lies can't hide.
Let's not be so quick to want to hurry along and be on our way. There are people who are holding that "happy face" but they are about to crack. Maybe today is the day that you could show someone that you truly do care what their answer is to.. "So how are you?"
I hope that if you are ever in need of a friend and feel that you have no one that gives a hoot what you are going through, that first of all you will call on The Lord, because he binds up the broken hearted and heals the wounds that rip our hearts to shreds.
If you need a friend with "skin On" you can contact me.. I don't have all the answers, but I know the God that does and I know how to pray and be a friend. You can also read my friend's blog at the nonreligious christian.com and she also has some great insights.
Take care and as my fortune cookie said the other day put a smile on your face and it will take the place of where two grouches were.
There are those that always seem to "have it together."
Then there are those that are like me and wear their emotions on their sleeve, so to speak. For me it is next to impossible to hide the feelings that reside in the heart. If I am happy it truly does radiate on my face. If there is heartache that lies just beneath the surface of my shirt (most likely stained by my two year old and three year old thinking I am their napkin) Oh sorry back on point..
If that heart ache is there it could erupt like a dam bursting in a flood of emotion. This past year.. I have gone through something that most people don't have to experience in a lifetime. (It's not over yet and doesn't look like it will be for a very long time.)
I know that My Lord has carried me through days of total chaos and confusion, tears and sobbing in my darkest of nights. His strong arms have supported me in the overwhelming flood. He has never left me forsaken or standing alone.
I desire to tell any who read this post that when the rivers of life are engulfing and the storm clouds crash all around.. God is able to deliver thee safe unto his sheltering arms of mercy and He is only a prayer away.
When you feel alone, lost, confused, when you feel that if one more thing should be dumped in your lap that you will collapse under the strain.. that is when the Lord will lift you up. You shall run and not be weary, you shall walk and not faint you shall mount up with wings of an eagle.
So I do try to keep a "happy face" on despite the circumstance of my life and if you know me, the chapters have been coming one right after the other, with an intensity of Mount Saint Helen's eruption and a swift hurricane rushing through the gulf of Mexico all at the same time.
Many days, a friend or two.. will call and the tears will come gushing out along with all the emotions that have caused them, will rush out too. I am so thankful that I have a handful of friends that have constantly supported me through this year. I appreciate all of them "just checking to see how I am." Without the Lord and the ones here that really do care I think this ol ship would have sunk straight away to the bottom of this ocean of doom and gloom and agony on me.
Have you ever said to someone (kind of in passing in church or the store..) "So how are you?" Perhaps the next time you say those words you should look into the eyes of the one who holds that "happy face" and see if their eyes tell a story that their lies can't hide.
Let's not be so quick to want to hurry along and be on our way. There are people who are holding that "happy face" but they are about to crack. Maybe today is the day that you could show someone that you truly do care what their answer is to.. "So how are you?"
I hope that if you are ever in need of a friend and feel that you have no one that gives a hoot what you are going through, that first of all you will call on The Lord, because he binds up the broken hearted and heals the wounds that rip our hearts to shreds.
If you need a friend with "skin On" you can contact me.. I don't have all the answers, but I know the God that does and I know how to pray and be a friend. You can also read my friend's blog at the nonreligious christian.com and she also has some great insights.
Take care and as my fortune cookie said the other day put a smile on your face and it will take the place of where two grouches were.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Get under it, or through it, You choose.
This blog will be personal to a point and I will deliberately leave things out for the mere fact that this is the web and there are things that should not be posted for the world to view.
If you have read any of my blogs or know me personally, you know that there are things in my life that have been very horrible. You know some of the struggles that I have had, and are currently experiencing. But there are things that no one knows except me and God.
I will tell you that as a young person, had you ever told me of the things that would happen to me and my family, I most likely would not have believed you and said "No way not me, I wouldn't be able to survive through all of that" ( and I am sure there is more to come.. cuz last I knew.. I'm not dead yet!)
I'll name a few things for you..
About a hundred foster homes, some good some grotesquely horrible. Physical, mental, emotional and sexual abuse. Neglect. A failed marriage.
Five miscarriages, a lost adoption. A loss of a client that I loved and took care of in my home for 10 years. Broken relationships. Heartaches beyond measure. Deaths of loved ones that were the back bone of my life. I think I've cried about two oceans by now and had things happen that shouldn't happen to even an enemy.
Right here, I could list a bunch of other pertinent stuff, but it's better left unsaid. Let's just say that for the last five years God has challenged my faith beyond what I could ever think or imagine.
Currently, I am under the most severe stress a person could be under.. no I take that back, it could probably be worse, so let me be quiet, lest I speak it into being.
What does this matter to the person viewing this blog. Well, it's like this. We all go through different things in our lives. We all have struggles and misfortunes.
There are events in all our lives that we wish we could erase, things we wished never occurred.
For me, though, I wouldn't change my history, past present or future. Why? Because all through my life, God has been my Constant. My Anchor. My Rock of salvation. My Hope. My Peace and my source of Joy. My Father.
The title of this writing: Get under it or through it, you choose.
Yes, life is hard and beyond our control. We do not know what is going to be thrown at us next.
We can wallow in self pity.. oh poor me.. I was abused and suffered at the hands of many.. or we can let it shape us so that we can help others who are victims of society.
We can walk around thinking ..what if that never happened or maybe I should have done something else in my life.. perhaps chosen a different career or another mate.
Or we could be glad for our lives and thank God for giving us life lessons and experiences along the way, that proved He was with us every step and when we could not go on, that is when He carried us.. like the foot prints in the sand poem. (not sure of the author).
You could let life take you down and harbor all kinds of grief, anger and resentment or you can determine to get through it, with God's grace and mercy, and become better for it.
Life is mostly about attitude and outlook, not what happened, but how will I handle it. I read that we should respond not react!
I will take my title a little further.. don't get under it or merely through it, rather Rise above it and become better for it.
Let God help you to see that you are a child of His and that his plan is the best for your life, even when you think something else sounds a whole lot better right now.
If you have read any of my blogs or know me personally, you know that there are things in my life that have been very horrible. You know some of the struggles that I have had, and are currently experiencing. But there are things that no one knows except me and God.
I will tell you that as a young person, had you ever told me of the things that would happen to me and my family, I most likely would not have believed you and said "No way not me, I wouldn't be able to survive through all of that" ( and I am sure there is more to come.. cuz last I knew.. I'm not dead yet!)
I'll name a few things for you..
About a hundred foster homes, some good some grotesquely horrible. Physical, mental, emotional and sexual abuse. Neglect. A failed marriage.
Five miscarriages, a lost adoption. A loss of a client that I loved and took care of in my home for 10 years. Broken relationships. Heartaches beyond measure. Deaths of loved ones that were the back bone of my life. I think I've cried about two oceans by now and had things happen that shouldn't happen to even an enemy.
Right here, I could list a bunch of other pertinent stuff, but it's better left unsaid. Let's just say that for the last five years God has challenged my faith beyond what I could ever think or imagine.
Currently, I am under the most severe stress a person could be under.. no I take that back, it could probably be worse, so let me be quiet, lest I speak it into being.
What does this matter to the person viewing this blog. Well, it's like this. We all go through different things in our lives. We all have struggles and misfortunes.
There are events in all our lives that we wish we could erase, things we wished never occurred.
For me, though, I wouldn't change my history, past present or future. Why? Because all through my life, God has been my Constant. My Anchor. My Rock of salvation. My Hope. My Peace and my source of Joy. My Father.
The title of this writing: Get under it or through it, you choose.
Yes, life is hard and beyond our control. We do not know what is going to be thrown at us next.
We can wallow in self pity.. oh poor me.. I was abused and suffered at the hands of many.. or we can let it shape us so that we can help others who are victims of society.
We can walk around thinking ..what if that never happened or maybe I should have done something else in my life.. perhaps chosen a different career or another mate.
Or we could be glad for our lives and thank God for giving us life lessons and experiences along the way, that proved He was with us every step and when we could not go on, that is when He carried us.. like the foot prints in the sand poem. (not sure of the author).
You could let life take you down and harbor all kinds of grief, anger and resentment or you can determine to get through it, with God's grace and mercy, and become better for it.
Life is mostly about attitude and outlook, not what happened, but how will I handle it. I read that we should respond not react!
I will take my title a little further.. don't get under it or merely through it, rather Rise above it and become better for it.
Let God help you to see that you are a child of His and that his plan is the best for your life, even when you think something else sounds a whole lot better right now.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Down in the Dumps
There are days when a person feels down in the dumps. There are days when a person doesn't feel that anything is going right and all is wrong with the world. Today is one of those days for me.
I have been dealing with personal issues that I cannot "blog" for the world to see. The only ones that know truly what is going on are those that are very close to me. If someone else would like to know what is going on, then they probably haven't bothered to check on me to see what is going on and how I am truly doing. (and perhaps that is part of my down feelings, today.)
A true thank you to my very close friends that call me and ask me how are you doing in spite of it all. I cherish you and really do thank you with the tears flowing out of my eyes, even as I am writing this blog.
See, most of the world sees me as this big strong person, with a smile plastered across my face, but there are days, like today when those stinging tears, lie just beneath the surface of my eyes, and could burst from the seams at any moment.
I know that lots of people love and care for me, but sometimes, I just get so tired of feeling the weight of this burden that I bare. I know that I am not alone, that God is actually carrying me through this, but it is hard and I never wish this on anyone. I never wish for you to be alone and have to deal with the legal issues that I have had to endure for the past five years, seemingly with no one on my side, that can truly help.
I never wish that you should have to see someone that you love and cherish be publicly humiliated, and destroyed while you have to sit there and watch and feel that there is no-one in the "Justice" system that even cares, rather they are all in it for political reasons, out to destroy a person, and their whole family, so they can say that they have one more notch in their belt.
I never hope that you have to cry your self to sleep at night because of the loneliness that engulfs your soul like that black night that so easily encrouches around you.
I hope that it is never your plot in life to be left standing alone when you wish that someone could just wrap their arms around you and say, don't worry this is going to be over soon, but you know in reality that it is just getting started and that there seems like nothing you can do, but watch and grieve for the one you love.
Hopefully the ones that you would lay your life down for in a blink of an eye, will never tell you that yo have ruined their lives and that you are a worthless waste of a space , horrible, person.
Sometimes in life, we have to go through things, but I wonder when it will stop being so hard and just for a reprieve of good to start happening. I long for that to happen. For the flood gates of heaven to open up, to pour down over me and my family, to stop the wretched hail, the locust from destroying who and what we are, for the clouds to dissipate and the rainbow in the sky to appear and yes for the pot of gold to be at the other end. I long for refreshing and for peace, yet what I receive is hard, horrible, unbelievable, unjust , unfair, humiliation and on it goes.
I know other people have it way worse than me, but you know I think that my life has been extremely difficult and I have overcome a huge amount and today, I am pleading with my God to allow some good to happen. Let their be true victory in the Lord's camp. Let the devil and all his imps go back to hell and to leave me alone.
Let God's goodness overpower this depression and his joy kill the anger that tries to destroy my faith. Let me even in my distress call out to God and he will surely hear me and answer me from heaven. He will wipe away my tears and transform my heartache into everlasting bliss.
Forgive me Lord for complaining, and help me to remember that even in the midst of this wretched storm, you are here and you are carrying me across this barren dessert into your oasis.
Let me be comforted with your scriptures:
For you are my hiding place: you protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory. Psalm 32:7
I have been dealing with personal issues that I cannot "blog" for the world to see. The only ones that know truly what is going on are those that are very close to me. If someone else would like to know what is going on, then they probably haven't bothered to check on me to see what is going on and how I am truly doing. (and perhaps that is part of my down feelings, today.)
A true thank you to my very close friends that call me and ask me how are you doing in spite of it all. I cherish you and really do thank you with the tears flowing out of my eyes, even as I am writing this blog.
See, most of the world sees me as this big strong person, with a smile plastered across my face, but there are days, like today when those stinging tears, lie just beneath the surface of my eyes, and could burst from the seams at any moment.
I know that lots of people love and care for me, but sometimes, I just get so tired of feeling the weight of this burden that I bare. I know that I am not alone, that God is actually carrying me through this, but it is hard and I never wish this on anyone. I never wish for you to be alone and have to deal with the legal issues that I have had to endure for the past five years, seemingly with no one on my side, that can truly help.
I never wish that you should have to see someone that you love and cherish be publicly humiliated, and destroyed while you have to sit there and watch and feel that there is no-one in the "Justice" system that even cares, rather they are all in it for political reasons, out to destroy a person, and their whole family, so they can say that they have one more notch in their belt.
I never hope that you have to cry your self to sleep at night because of the loneliness that engulfs your soul like that black night that so easily encrouches around you.
I hope that it is never your plot in life to be left standing alone when you wish that someone could just wrap their arms around you and say, don't worry this is going to be over soon, but you know in reality that it is just getting started and that there seems like nothing you can do, but watch and grieve for the one you love.
Hopefully the ones that you would lay your life down for in a blink of an eye, will never tell you that yo have ruined their lives and that you are a worthless waste of a space , horrible, person.
Sometimes in life, we have to go through things, but I wonder when it will stop being so hard and just for a reprieve of good to start happening. I long for that to happen. For the flood gates of heaven to open up, to pour down over me and my family, to stop the wretched hail, the locust from destroying who and what we are, for the clouds to dissipate and the rainbow in the sky to appear and yes for the pot of gold to be at the other end. I long for refreshing and for peace, yet what I receive is hard, horrible, unbelievable, unjust , unfair, humiliation and on it goes.
I know other people have it way worse than me, but you know I think that my life has been extremely difficult and I have overcome a huge amount and today, I am pleading with my God to allow some good to happen. Let their be true victory in the Lord's camp. Let the devil and all his imps go back to hell and to leave me alone.
Let God's goodness overpower this depression and his joy kill the anger that tries to destroy my faith. Let me even in my distress call out to God and he will surely hear me and answer me from heaven. He will wipe away my tears and transform my heartache into everlasting bliss.
Forgive me Lord for complaining, and help me to remember that even in the midst of this wretched storm, you are here and you are carrying me across this barren dessert into your oasis.
Let me be comforted with your scriptures:
For you are my hiding place: you protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory. Psalm 32:7
Sunday, March 28, 2010
And I will call it Bob
Today, two women showed up on my door step. I knew them and invited them in. I feared the worst, because they are family to a very close friend of mine. "no He did not pass away, but they have taken away all the machines and are just keeping him comfortable.
I dropped whatever it was that occupied my moment of time and headed directly to the hospital, not only to say my last farewells, but to also present one last opportunity of salvation.
If you have not looked upon a body that is there but the life it once knew is slipping away before your very eyes; if you have never looked into the eyes that once twinkled with life and now they are glazed over in unresponsiveness, then I hope you never have to.
I talked to the shell of the person, hoping that if his soul had not yet departed, that even on his dying bed, he would, perhaps with his last breath, he would breathe the name of Jesus and be ushered into eternity with God, not separated from Him to eternal damnation.
I did get to personally share the gospel with his doctor. I noticed that all the nurses that had come into his room to see if he was still clinging on to life or if he had thrown in the towel, all quietly dissipated when I gave my testimony to the doctor.
I asked her, may I ask you two questions. She said yes of course. So I asked her if she could predict the exact moment that my good friend would die. She said no, but medically speaking it won't be long..
Then I asked her if I could ask her another one.. "Yes" she said, I said "Do you know when you will die?" She said "no, I don't."
At this point, I had her complete attention and we talked about the things that would merit her getting into heaven. Nope she hasn't killed or robbed maybe a lie or two but generally a was good person. I said,no, not good enough.
I shared with her, what I will share with you now. Our "good" is as filthy rags to God and only the fact that I have accepted Christ the Son of God into my heart and asked him to forgive my sins, is going to get me into heaven. Absolutely nothing else! She assured me that tonight she would make a decision one way or the other.
If she doesn't choose yes, she is actually choosing no. I told her that God gives us opportunities to accept him, sometimes its' only one. So tonight I am praying for the doctor and her husband, that God will speak to their hearts and they will turn their lives over to him, no holds barge.
As of the finishing of this post, my good friend and hard working neighbor has now surrendered to the death that tried to snuff out his life for the past 20 something years. He endured about 50 surgeries and even made medical history. While I was speaking with the doctor, this afternoon, she mentioned.. "he even had his last thanksgiving dinner, in the hospital with two of our doctors." because no family was there. I actually broke down and cried when she told me that the doctors ate with him.
Here is what is so tragically sad, he was the best neighbor anyone could ever have. If I needed him to any handy man thing, he would jump at the opportunity to help and never charged me a penny, though I would offer whatever I had. His hand was never out to accept.
As he lay there, drawing his final breaths, that were about 15-17 seconds apart, his eyes held no life and his pulse was barely there. I called his family to say that I thought he was passing and that should someone please come. The sister told me and I quote..."I don't have time, for this. I need to take time for myself."
It was the most cold-hearted thing I have heard in years and I, the neighbor, felt guilty for leaving the man there, to die alone. And then my Lord reminded me that even in death He never leaves us. So if his family chose not to go, I know that my friend didn't die alone.
I am just sorry that I did have to leave and am not sure of the exact time that he slipped away. But I do know that for at least two hours, he had someone there stroking his hair, and holding his hand, talking to him and reassuring him that it was okay to go if he had to and assuring him that his dearly beloved mother would be taken care of.
I quoted Psalm 23 to him a couple of times and prayed with him and told him that even in his dying he could still call out to God and God would hear him and take him into heaven to be with him, forever.
In this world, I will not know for sure, the decision that my friend made, but my hope is this, that when I cross over into my heavenly home, there will be my friend fixing the sewing machines in heaven that sew the angel's clothes and make their wings... There will be my friend fixing the flood gates of heaven and replacing the stars' blown out bulbs.... There will be my friend.
As a public memorial to my friend... Thank you for being the best neighbor I've ever had. Thanks for fishing the tractor out of my toilet, thanks for being my very dear friend. You will be greatly missed. Thank you for snow blowing my side walks and my driveway, when you have just gotten out of the hospital and had been there for the past 8 weeks.
(I said 'what are you doing out here, you crazy person/" And he said "well, I'm not dead yet!") May you find comfort in the arms of Jesus and may your body now be set free from all the pain and suffering that you have endured, for way too long. I love you and will cherish you forever, and I think I am going to plant something in your honor. And I will call it Bob.
I dropped whatever it was that occupied my moment of time and headed directly to the hospital, not only to say my last farewells, but to also present one last opportunity of salvation.
If you have not looked upon a body that is there but the life it once knew is slipping away before your very eyes; if you have never looked into the eyes that once twinkled with life and now they are glazed over in unresponsiveness, then I hope you never have to.
I talked to the shell of the person, hoping that if his soul had not yet departed, that even on his dying bed, he would, perhaps with his last breath, he would breathe the name of Jesus and be ushered into eternity with God, not separated from Him to eternal damnation.
I did get to personally share the gospel with his doctor. I noticed that all the nurses that had come into his room to see if he was still clinging on to life or if he had thrown in the towel, all quietly dissipated when I gave my testimony to the doctor.
I asked her, may I ask you two questions. She said yes of course. So I asked her if she could predict the exact moment that my good friend would die. She said no, but medically speaking it won't be long..
Then I asked her if I could ask her another one.. "Yes" she said, I said "Do you know when you will die?" She said "no, I don't."
At this point, I had her complete attention and we talked about the things that would merit her getting into heaven. Nope she hasn't killed or robbed maybe a lie or two but generally a was good person. I said,no, not good enough.
I shared with her, what I will share with you now. Our "good" is as filthy rags to God and only the fact that I have accepted Christ the Son of God into my heart and asked him to forgive my sins, is going to get me into heaven. Absolutely nothing else! She assured me that tonight she would make a decision one way or the other.
If she doesn't choose yes, she is actually choosing no. I told her that God gives us opportunities to accept him, sometimes its' only one. So tonight I am praying for the doctor and her husband, that God will speak to their hearts and they will turn their lives over to him, no holds barge.
As of the finishing of this post, my good friend and hard working neighbor has now surrendered to the death that tried to snuff out his life for the past 20 something years. He endured about 50 surgeries and even made medical history. While I was speaking with the doctor, this afternoon, she mentioned.. "he even had his last thanksgiving dinner, in the hospital with two of our doctors." because no family was there. I actually broke down and cried when she told me that the doctors ate with him.
Here is what is so tragically sad, he was the best neighbor anyone could ever have. If I needed him to any handy man thing, he would jump at the opportunity to help and never charged me a penny, though I would offer whatever I had. His hand was never out to accept.
As he lay there, drawing his final breaths, that were about 15-17 seconds apart, his eyes held no life and his pulse was barely there. I called his family to say that I thought he was passing and that should someone please come. The sister told me and I quote..."I don't have time, for this. I need to take time for myself."
It was the most cold-hearted thing I have heard in years and I, the neighbor, felt guilty for leaving the man there, to die alone. And then my Lord reminded me that even in death He never leaves us. So if his family chose not to go, I know that my friend didn't die alone.
I am just sorry that I did have to leave and am not sure of the exact time that he slipped away. But I do know that for at least two hours, he had someone there stroking his hair, and holding his hand, talking to him and reassuring him that it was okay to go if he had to and assuring him that his dearly beloved mother would be taken care of.
I quoted Psalm 23 to him a couple of times and prayed with him and told him that even in his dying he could still call out to God and God would hear him and take him into heaven to be with him, forever.
In this world, I will not know for sure, the decision that my friend made, but my hope is this, that when I cross over into my heavenly home, there will be my friend fixing the sewing machines in heaven that sew the angel's clothes and make their wings... There will be my friend fixing the flood gates of heaven and replacing the stars' blown out bulbs.... There will be my friend.
As a public memorial to my friend... Thank you for being the best neighbor I've ever had. Thanks for fishing the tractor out of my toilet, thanks for being my very dear friend. You will be greatly missed. Thank you for snow blowing my side walks and my driveway, when you have just gotten out of the hospital and had been there for the past 8 weeks.
(I said 'what are you doing out here, you crazy person/" And he said "well, I'm not dead yet!") May you find comfort in the arms of Jesus and may your body now be set free from all the pain and suffering that you have endured, for way too long. I love you and will cherish you forever, and I think I am going to plant something in your honor. And I will call it Bob.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Something Old Something New
Today, I think about things differently than I used to when I was young. I think about life and it's meaning more than I ever did.
I watch life speed past as though it were going to a fire and wonder where it is going in such a big hurry.
I have watched my little girls grow into young women. I've seen them stretch their arms up for my comfort and then watched as they spread their wings to try to fly.
I see my little boys trying to do big boy things, they still need my comfort and protection most of the time, though I am sure they think they don't. "I'm big" you know.
As spring comes upon us, the birds chirping their favorite songs, the flowers are popping up their pretty little faces, the sun warms up my soul.
My fish pond was in need of a good cleaning and what used to look like red-neck city now looks like a walk by the creek bed. It is rocked in and beautiful with the rocks that my loving husband and I collected together in times past. It has all the pieces of drift wood that he brought me as presents for every occasion, sometimes, just because.
The flower garden that once was a thing of beauty had turned into a gigantic weed infestation is now a patio. (Well almost.. I have to lay about ten more 2'x3' blocks.. level it up some) It is going to be stunning, from something old and rickety to something fabulous and new. I am truly excited.
That is the way our life in Christ is.. it used to be old and ratty worn and tired. When you ask the Lord to come in. you are transformed into a beautiful butterfly.
I hope that as this Easter comes upon us it is not just a time of family get together-s but a time of true celebration of what the Lord has done for us. He has given us new life and a real reason to celebrate.
Let the Lord, the creator of the universe give you that reason to celebrate. Let him take your life from something old to something new, like my new fish pond and my new patio.
I hope you have a wonderful spring and a Victorious Easter.
I watch life speed past as though it were going to a fire and wonder where it is going in such a big hurry.
I have watched my little girls grow into young women. I've seen them stretch their arms up for my comfort and then watched as they spread their wings to try to fly.
I see my little boys trying to do big boy things, they still need my comfort and protection most of the time, though I am sure they think they don't. "I'm big" you know.
As spring comes upon us, the birds chirping their favorite songs, the flowers are popping up their pretty little faces, the sun warms up my soul.
My fish pond was in need of a good cleaning and what used to look like red-neck city now looks like a walk by the creek bed. It is rocked in and beautiful with the rocks that my loving husband and I collected together in times past. It has all the pieces of drift wood that he brought me as presents for every occasion, sometimes, just because.
The flower garden that once was a thing of beauty had turned into a gigantic weed infestation is now a patio. (Well almost.. I have to lay about ten more 2'x3' blocks.. level it up some) It is going to be stunning, from something old and rickety to something fabulous and new. I am truly excited.
That is the way our life in Christ is.. it used to be old and ratty worn and tired. When you ask the Lord to come in. you are transformed into a beautiful butterfly.
I hope that as this Easter comes upon us it is not just a time of family get together-s but a time of true celebration of what the Lord has done for us. He has given us new life and a real reason to celebrate.
Let the Lord, the creator of the universe give you that reason to celebrate. Let him take your life from something old to something new, like my new fish pond and my new patio.
I hope you have a wonderful spring and a Victorious Easter.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Sometimes life is hard..
So this year I will turn the Big 40. Yahoo. No really, when I was a kid, I never thought that I would even see 30 and look at me now, I have blazed past that mile stone and am approaching one that I used to call old.. now I say I am just beginning to live.
You know, I look back on my life and realize that "sometimes life is hard.' Yes truly hard. I was nearly drowned by my biological mother at the age of 6 months. I spent 6 months living with my 70 year old gram ( who the courts said was too old to raise me.. she live to be 97)
Then I spent the next five years in foster care. My father remarried and I was placed in their care. For the next six years of my young life, I was in and out of nearly 100 foster homes, mixed with in and out of my father's house, due to physical, mental and emotional abuse, not to mention the sexual abuse that went with the territory.
My father was diagnosed with cancer in September of 1980, and died in July on my little sister's 3rd birthday. I was 11 years old and that threw me right back into the foster care system.
At 12, I begged the courts to live with my natural mother, whom I had never really known, only had heard horrible things about and back then I believed those things were told to me to keep me from her.
This began a very horrible long six months of sexual abuse from her boyfriend, a man in his late fifties early sixties. He told me he was going to train me to be a "good wife." (P.S. I am a really good wife, but it had nothing, absolutely nothing to do with him, rather good role models that God placed in my life.)
I ran away on the final day, when he was going to rape me. I was placed back into foster care and stayed in several homes until I was 14 when the Lord placed me into a loving family, for adoption.
I stayed with them till I was 19, got married and moved far away. Life as a married person isn't always easy and back then I was loving and kind but pretty self centered too and always thought that I had to have the last say or win the argument.. guess what I am still like that today but maybe not so bad.. You'll have to ask my new husband about that one..( no on second thought you better not.. hahahha see there I go again, wanting the last word.)
So I was married for 12 years and during those years we produced two beautiful daughters. It was hard because I was mostly infertile and also had five miscarriages. We were going to adopt a baby before our oldest one came into our lives but that too, fell through.
Sometimes life is very hard and you wonder how will you go on with your life.
After a while I found my new husband or should I say we found each other. And guess what life has been extremely hard for us. When we got married he had cancer in the third stage. Lymphoma- non-hodgkins (sp?). We got married in the hospital and true to his word, he said I will get married in my jeans and ball cap and sure enough he did. I wore my cream colored gown and was the hospital bride.
Four years of infertility and along came our biggest miracle in the smallest package. Garrett was 15 weeks early , weighing in at 1lb 8 oz measuring 11.5 inches.
He stayed at the hospital for four and a half months. Let me just say, sometimes life is hard. It is hard to watch your child laying there helpless and you can't hold him or help him, with the doctors all standing around saying he's probably going to die today. Those were very difficult days to say the least!
Life is currently extremely challenging and unrelenting, so much that I dare not even post it to my blog, though I would love to blab it for all the world to see the injustice that my family has endured, but I can't for legal reasons.
Life is hard and unbearable at times. There are days that I think I may crack under all the pressure that we are currently under. Days that I think I may go out of my mind with grief and hardships that we are enduring. The tears that I have shed
in the past five years have well gone beyond the Pacific Ocean. That means life has been hard.
Lest I should continue on this treck let me tell you that when life is hard and unbearable, when the times are rough and unforgiving, when I feel the need to throw in the towel and quit..
The Lord reminds me quietly, amidst all the chaos, "I am here." Then I go to His Word and this is what I find. over and over.. in many different places..
"My soul finds rest in God alone:, my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation: He is my fortress, I will never be shaken. Psalm 62:1
"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; My hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times,O people, pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62: 5-8
"Oh God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. Psalm 63:1-3
Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings, my soul clings to you, your right hand upholds me. Psalm 63:8
So when I feel overwhelmed I will turn to my Rock. What will you do when your life is falling apart and you don't know where to turn.
You know, I look back on my life and realize that "sometimes life is hard.' Yes truly hard. I was nearly drowned by my biological mother at the age of 6 months. I spent 6 months living with my 70 year old gram ( who the courts said was too old to raise me.. she live to be 97)
Then I spent the next five years in foster care. My father remarried and I was placed in their care. For the next six years of my young life, I was in and out of nearly 100 foster homes, mixed with in and out of my father's house, due to physical, mental and emotional abuse, not to mention the sexual abuse that went with the territory.
My father was diagnosed with cancer in September of 1980, and died in July on my little sister's 3rd birthday. I was 11 years old and that threw me right back into the foster care system.
At 12, I begged the courts to live with my natural mother, whom I had never really known, only had heard horrible things about and back then I believed those things were told to me to keep me from her.
This began a very horrible long six months of sexual abuse from her boyfriend, a man in his late fifties early sixties. He told me he was going to train me to be a "good wife." (P.S. I am a really good wife, but it had nothing, absolutely nothing to do with him, rather good role models that God placed in my life.)
I ran away on the final day, when he was going to rape me. I was placed back into foster care and stayed in several homes until I was 14 when the Lord placed me into a loving family, for adoption.
I stayed with them till I was 19, got married and moved far away. Life as a married person isn't always easy and back then I was loving and kind but pretty self centered too and always thought that I had to have the last say or win the argument.. guess what I am still like that today but maybe not so bad.. You'll have to ask my new husband about that one..( no on second thought you better not.. hahahha see there I go again, wanting the last word.)
So I was married for 12 years and during those years we produced two beautiful daughters. It was hard because I was mostly infertile and also had five miscarriages. We were going to adopt a baby before our oldest one came into our lives but that too, fell through.
Sometimes life is very hard and you wonder how will you go on with your life.
After a while I found my new husband or should I say we found each other. And guess what life has been extremely hard for us. When we got married he had cancer in the third stage. Lymphoma- non-hodgkins (sp?). We got married in the hospital and true to his word, he said I will get married in my jeans and ball cap and sure enough he did. I wore my cream colored gown and was the hospital bride.
Four years of infertility and along came our biggest miracle in the smallest package. Garrett was 15 weeks early , weighing in at 1lb 8 oz measuring 11.5 inches.
He stayed at the hospital for four and a half months. Let me just say, sometimes life is hard. It is hard to watch your child laying there helpless and you can't hold him or help him, with the doctors all standing around saying he's probably going to die today. Those were very difficult days to say the least!
Life is currently extremely challenging and unrelenting, so much that I dare not even post it to my blog, though I would love to blab it for all the world to see the injustice that my family has endured, but I can't for legal reasons.
Life is hard and unbearable at times. There are days that I think I may crack under all the pressure that we are currently under. Days that I think I may go out of my mind with grief and hardships that we are enduring. The tears that I have shed
in the past five years have well gone beyond the Pacific Ocean. That means life has been hard.
Lest I should continue on this treck let me tell you that when life is hard and unbearable, when the times are rough and unforgiving, when I feel the need to throw in the towel and quit..
The Lord reminds me quietly, amidst all the chaos, "I am here." Then I go to His Word and this is what I find. over and over.. in many different places..
"My soul finds rest in God alone:, my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation: He is my fortress, I will never be shaken. Psalm 62:1
"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; My hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times,O people, pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62: 5-8
"Oh God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. Psalm 63:1-3
Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings, my soul clings to you, your right hand upholds me. Psalm 63:8
So when I feel overwhelmed I will turn to my Rock. What will you do when your life is falling apart and you don't know where to turn.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Thankful or Not
As I sit here in my nice warm house, with my family by my side and food in my belly...
I am reminded that we have a great deal to be thankful for...
We are a rich people in every way, even when money is short...
There has never been a day that I have had to feed my kids dirt for cookies
or drink from water where animals urinated or other people bathed...
There has never been a time that we had to eat one cup of rice for the whole day and be thankful for that.. praying for the same ration for the next day..
There has never been a day when my little kids tummies were bloated from malnutrition or disease...
There has never been a night when we had to cover up with newspapers and sleep in a cardboard box and hope that we would make it through the night without freezing to death.
There has never been a time in my kids life that we had to walk miles upon miles to get to medical help,.. that is available to us without question...
There has never been a time that any of my family has needed a medical procedure and were denied because there was no doctor or medical staff available or they were in a different country...
There has never been a time when my cupboards were bare, although one time we were down to a can of kidney beans and a can of sardines.. good thing my mom came along to take me shopping.. thank you mom.
There are many times that my kids say to me .. mom there's nothing to eat in this house.. I look at them and just shake my head.. There's plenty to eat.. you are just feeling too lazy to cook. they groan...
I look at the freedoms I enjoy each day.. and I think of my fellow prisoners who are behind bars.. their freedoms have been taken away and half of the time they are not even treated as human beings.. often being denied their medical needs, going without their glasses for several weeks because soemone decided that person didn't need their eyes, or because they didn't hear "med call" the "nursing staff" decided that he would be fine without his perscribed medicaiton. How about the prsioner they locked in a 4'x6'cell for 7 days and the person couldn't even stand up straight in the cell because it was about 5'high and he is 6'3.
I think about being able to hop in my vehicle(s) and be able to go wherever I feel like going. There are people in the world that would give their shirt off their back to be able to have a fraction of the freedoms we know and take for granted, pretty much on a daily basis..
One thing that all Americans have is the freedom of worship. We can worship God or choose to walk away from him. We can go to the church of our choice, at the time we choose..
We are a priveledged people and I think that we are greedy, selfish and arrogant towards The Lord and towards our fellow people. We take our blessings for granted and assume that they are our Rights instead of our priveledges.
We go out to eat whenever we feel like it and waste tons of food. We wear our clothing for short periods of time and discard them, merely for boredom's sake.
We feel that we must drive a better vehichle than someone else and have better homes than them and the money that is spent on our selfishness goes on and on, with little regard for the poor and homeless.
We rarely consider the needs of the widows and the orphans. We don't write to those in prison, "because what would I say" we don't visit the shut-ins we steer clear of nursing homes and nelglect to help our neighbors who are in need..
Why is this our society today. Because it boils down to being Thankful or Not.
There are things that I am guilty of. I am not perfect, nor do I write this to suggest such a thing. I am merely writing this to wake up the people in this country.
We need to get back to the way it used to be.. with people loving those around them and caring for those in need. We need to stop being so self centered and start showing that we appreciate the blessings that we are so freely given.
There will come a day, that the Lord Almighty will turn us over to a depraived mind. He will cut off our inheritance and leave us standing still, wondering where our next meal will come from, wondering how on earth we will provide for our children.
But if we turn from our wickedness and surrender our lives back to The Lord, then he will have mercy on our souls and provide for us.
Let us not become arrogant to God. There are those who say "I don't believe in God.." You will be sorry that you talked that way, because there will come a day of judgement and I don't want to be one of those ones he tells "Depart from me for I never knew you." Depart to eternal hell and damnation. A place of suffering and costant torment, a place of grinding of teeth and weeping and wailing, forever.
So today, let this be the day that you take inventory of your blessings and let this be the day that you and your family decide that you will become blessings to someone else.
I am reminded that we have a great deal to be thankful for...
We are a rich people in every way, even when money is short...
There has never been a day that I have had to feed my kids dirt for cookies
or drink from water where animals urinated or other people bathed...
There has never been a time that we had to eat one cup of rice for the whole day and be thankful for that.. praying for the same ration for the next day..
There has never been a day when my little kids tummies were bloated from malnutrition or disease...
There has never been a night when we had to cover up with newspapers and sleep in a cardboard box and hope that we would make it through the night without freezing to death.
There has never been a time in my kids life that we had to walk miles upon miles to get to medical help,.. that is available to us without question...
There has never been a time that any of my family has needed a medical procedure and were denied because there was no doctor or medical staff available or they were in a different country...
There has never been a time when my cupboards were bare, although one time we were down to a can of kidney beans and a can of sardines.. good thing my mom came along to take me shopping.. thank you mom.
There are many times that my kids say to me .. mom there's nothing to eat in this house.. I look at them and just shake my head.. There's plenty to eat.. you are just feeling too lazy to cook. they groan...
I look at the freedoms I enjoy each day.. and I think of my fellow prisoners who are behind bars.. their freedoms have been taken away and half of the time they are not even treated as human beings.. often being denied their medical needs, going without their glasses for several weeks because soemone decided that person didn't need their eyes, or because they didn't hear "med call" the "nursing staff" decided that he would be fine without his perscribed medicaiton. How about the prsioner they locked in a 4'x6'cell for 7 days and the person couldn't even stand up straight in the cell because it was about 5'high and he is 6'3.
I think about being able to hop in my vehicle(s) and be able to go wherever I feel like going. There are people in the world that would give their shirt off their back to be able to have a fraction of the freedoms we know and take for granted, pretty much on a daily basis..
One thing that all Americans have is the freedom of worship. We can worship God or choose to walk away from him. We can go to the church of our choice, at the time we choose..
We are a priveledged people and I think that we are greedy, selfish and arrogant towards The Lord and towards our fellow people. We take our blessings for granted and assume that they are our Rights instead of our priveledges.
We go out to eat whenever we feel like it and waste tons of food. We wear our clothing for short periods of time and discard them, merely for boredom's sake.
We feel that we must drive a better vehichle than someone else and have better homes than them and the money that is spent on our selfishness goes on and on, with little regard for the poor and homeless.
We rarely consider the needs of the widows and the orphans. We don't write to those in prison, "because what would I say" we don't visit the shut-ins we steer clear of nursing homes and nelglect to help our neighbors who are in need..
Why is this our society today. Because it boils down to being Thankful or Not.
There are things that I am guilty of. I am not perfect, nor do I write this to suggest such a thing. I am merely writing this to wake up the people in this country.
We need to get back to the way it used to be.. with people loving those around them and caring for those in need. We need to stop being so self centered and start showing that we appreciate the blessings that we are so freely given.
There will come a day, that the Lord Almighty will turn us over to a depraived mind. He will cut off our inheritance and leave us standing still, wondering where our next meal will come from, wondering how on earth we will provide for our children.
But if we turn from our wickedness and surrender our lives back to The Lord, then he will have mercy on our souls and provide for us.
Let us not become arrogant to God. There are those who say "I don't believe in God.." You will be sorry that you talked that way, because there will come a day of judgement and I don't want to be one of those ones he tells "Depart from me for I never knew you." Depart to eternal hell and damnation. A place of suffering and costant torment, a place of grinding of teeth and weeping and wailing, forever.
So today, let this be the day that you take inventory of your blessings and let this be the day that you and your family decide that you will become blessings to someone else.
Monday, February 8, 2010
A Big Miracle in a Little Baby
You most likely won't be able to see the tears that will flow down my cheeks as I tell you this story.. but they will flow.. Now they are tears of happiness and the extent of all my praise and at times they are tears of exasperation! Read on to see what I mean.
It was the summer of 2006. I was selling kitchen products and doing quite well I might add. I felt the Lord tugging at my heart to quit.. not yet i whispered.. I have twenty six shows in these next two months.. after I'm done with them then I will quit, I bartered with the Lord.
When God says jump, I suggest you ask how high, because all and I mean ALL of those 26 shows canceled and I've never looked back. You know that God sees the whole thing, when we just see a tiny bit of what we call our life.
In the Month of September, I found out, that I was pregnant after 8 years of infertility. When the doctor told me the shocking news, had I not been sitting in the office chair, I most likely would have fallen to the floor, in disbelief. It was for real and a perfect pregnancy.
Well, almost.. For 19 weeks my husband and I were so thrilled that after four years of marriage and accepting the fact that we would most likely not conceive a child together, we were finally going to have a Baby.
Then one day, starting the 19th week, I had excruciating pain, that I had never before experienced in my whole life. I went to the hospital. Nothing.
For a whole week this continued.. I wasn't in labor, the baby seemed fine. We found out he was a boy.. ( I saw him peeing in the ultrasound..oops..)
Week 20, on my daughter's 8th birthday, I headed to the hospital for the second time in the same day, because the pain was so horrific that I could bare it no longer.
Then as I lay in the bed, my water broke, like Niagara Falls. The doctors told me that our little baby needed to be aborted because he wouldn't make it and my life was in jeopardy. I begged them no.
They said he is too little he will never survive. I said so if he is born alive, what will you do with him, how will you help him.. They told me. "We will wrap him in a blanket and let you hold him until he dies. I begged them to give him oxygen, they said "he won't make it."
I cried out to God in my distress and he heard my cry.
You know to make a long story short... I carried little Garrett for five weeks without a speck of water in my womb.. the doctors told me "even if you carry him to term he will die, because he needs the water to help his lungs develop."
My husband and I said "We will trust God no matter what you say.." And we have!
Garrett was born..crying. on February 9th 2007. He had both his arms and legs, both sets of tiny little hands and feet were perfect, and he was breathing! Yep breathing on his own.
The doctors said.. "don't get you're hope up.. this is a honeymoon period. " I said... no this is the power of God at work.. you all told me many times that he wouldn't live one day."
We spent four and a half months in the Nicu with our son. Those were long and sometimes horrible days. The doctors barely ever gave us any hope to cling to, only reports of how he was languishing and we were fighting a losing battle.
Garrett endured 22 blood transfusions, laser eye surgery on both eyes and 6 other operations while he was there. He was on the ventilator, oscillator and endured so many things, it would use all the ink in the ocean to list it all.
He came home, in June 07, on oxygen and 6 medications. By September of 07 he was off EVERYTHING. The doctors said he would never breathe on his own, ever.
Our little man is a fighter, and my hero. So are all the other little micro preemies my heroes because of how hard they fight to survive.
Garrett weighed in at 1lb 8Oz and measured just under a ruler of 11.5 inches long. He would literally fit in the palm of my hand. And to tell you how tiny he was, my husband's wedding band went right up his little arm like a big bangle bracelet. He was exactly 3 blocks of cheese. (that's how we could tell other people how much he weighed.)
Now he weighs 50 blocks of cheese. That's 25 pounds and let me tell you he is all boy and healthy as a horse, though most days I think dust bunnies eat more than he does.
If you read some of my Face book entries you will see that between him and his baby brother, who is now 16 months old, there is never a dull moment in our house.
Garrett is healthy and such a blessing to us. His "parroting" is a riot and you have to watch every word that comes out of your mouth around him.
Every day I look at him and thank god for his life. When the doctors told me he would die...God has other plans, and this is what I always say.. For someone who wasn't supposed to live, didn't even have a zero % chance of survival given to him.. he sure is doing a lot of living.
He is three years old today, and those three years have been rough and rocky at times, but it's been a thrill to see what God is doing in his little life.
So don't take everything that the doctors say as the gospel truth. They are only human and they can make mistakes. Trust God for the outcome, because He knows the end from the beginning and holds our lives in the palm of his hands.
Thank you to all the doctors and nurses, for all the people everywhere that prayed and for all the support that we received during those starting months. I will celebrate my son's third birthday with a big Elmo cake and lots of laughs...
Let's just hope today isn't the day that he dumps orange juice over his brother's head or dumps another box of rice crispies all over the floor, and please oh please don't jam one more thing into my brand new toilet. The other day he decided that the toilet needed a dish towel and a beach towel jammed into it all at the same time.
It was the summer of 2006. I was selling kitchen products and doing quite well I might add. I felt the Lord tugging at my heart to quit.. not yet i whispered.. I have twenty six shows in these next two months.. after I'm done with them then I will quit, I bartered with the Lord.
When God says jump, I suggest you ask how high, because all and I mean ALL of those 26 shows canceled and I've never looked back. You know that God sees the whole thing, when we just see a tiny bit of what we call our life.
In the Month of September, I found out, that I was pregnant after 8 years of infertility. When the doctor told me the shocking news, had I not been sitting in the office chair, I most likely would have fallen to the floor, in disbelief. It was for real and a perfect pregnancy.
Well, almost.. For 19 weeks my husband and I were so thrilled that after four years of marriage and accepting the fact that we would most likely not conceive a child together, we were finally going to have a Baby.
Then one day, starting the 19th week, I had excruciating pain, that I had never before experienced in my whole life. I went to the hospital. Nothing.
For a whole week this continued.. I wasn't in labor, the baby seemed fine. We found out he was a boy.. ( I saw him peeing in the ultrasound..oops..)
Week 20, on my daughter's 8th birthday, I headed to the hospital for the second time in the same day, because the pain was so horrific that I could bare it no longer.
Then as I lay in the bed, my water broke, like Niagara Falls. The doctors told me that our little baby needed to be aborted because he wouldn't make it and my life was in jeopardy. I begged them no.
They said he is too little he will never survive. I said so if he is born alive, what will you do with him, how will you help him.. They told me. "We will wrap him in a blanket and let you hold him until he dies. I begged them to give him oxygen, they said "he won't make it."
I cried out to God in my distress and he heard my cry.
You know to make a long story short... I carried little Garrett for five weeks without a speck of water in my womb.. the doctors told me "even if you carry him to term he will die, because he needs the water to help his lungs develop."
My husband and I said "We will trust God no matter what you say.." And we have!
Garrett was born..crying. on February 9th 2007. He had both his arms and legs, both sets of tiny little hands and feet were perfect, and he was breathing! Yep breathing on his own.
The doctors said.. "don't get you're hope up.. this is a honeymoon period. " I said... no this is the power of God at work.. you all told me many times that he wouldn't live one day."
We spent four and a half months in the Nicu with our son. Those were long and sometimes horrible days. The doctors barely ever gave us any hope to cling to, only reports of how he was languishing and we were fighting a losing battle.
Garrett endured 22 blood transfusions, laser eye surgery on both eyes and 6 other operations while he was there. He was on the ventilator, oscillator and endured so many things, it would use all the ink in the ocean to list it all.
He came home, in June 07, on oxygen and 6 medications. By September of 07 he was off EVERYTHING. The doctors said he would never breathe on his own, ever.
Our little man is a fighter, and my hero. So are all the other little micro preemies my heroes because of how hard they fight to survive.
Garrett weighed in at 1lb 8Oz and measured just under a ruler of 11.5 inches long. He would literally fit in the palm of my hand. And to tell you how tiny he was, my husband's wedding band went right up his little arm like a big bangle bracelet. He was exactly 3 blocks of cheese. (that's how we could tell other people how much he weighed.)
Now he weighs 50 blocks of cheese. That's 25 pounds and let me tell you he is all boy and healthy as a horse, though most days I think dust bunnies eat more than he does.
If you read some of my Face book entries you will see that between him and his baby brother, who is now 16 months old, there is never a dull moment in our house.
Garrett is healthy and such a blessing to us. His "parroting" is a riot and you have to watch every word that comes out of your mouth around him.
Every day I look at him and thank god for his life. When the doctors told me he would die...God has other plans, and this is what I always say.. For someone who wasn't supposed to live, didn't even have a zero % chance of survival given to him.. he sure is doing a lot of living.
He is three years old today, and those three years have been rough and rocky at times, but it's been a thrill to see what God is doing in his little life.
So don't take everything that the doctors say as the gospel truth. They are only human and they can make mistakes. Trust God for the outcome, because He knows the end from the beginning and holds our lives in the palm of his hands.
Thank you to all the doctors and nurses, for all the people everywhere that prayed and for all the support that we received during those starting months. I will celebrate my son's third birthday with a big Elmo cake and lots of laughs...
Let's just hope today isn't the day that he dumps orange juice over his brother's head or dumps another box of rice crispies all over the floor, and please oh please don't jam one more thing into my brand new toilet. The other day he decided that the toilet needed a dish towel and a beach towel jammed into it all at the same time.
Friday, February 5, 2010
What would you do?
What would say to your spouse or loved one, if you only had 15 minutes in a day. Would you try to squeeze in every last thought or just say a few words and let them have the floor? Would you feel cheated out of time when the timer went off or would you be glad it was over?
What if your time with your child was reduced to only a few minutes each day? Could you say all that needed to be said or would you be left standing there in tears because you knew the time was up?
What if your parent lay in the hospital bed, dying, with minutes left in their life. Would you be able to be strong for your mother or father. Would you embrace them and hold them like never before? Because you know that eternity is just around the corner for them?
How about if you knew that you had a terminal illness and knew that you yourself only had a short time left to live. Would you live all you could for all the living you didn't do while you had the chance? would there be people that you would try to contact? Would you try to make amends with any people that would stay behind after you were gone?
You know we are but a breath of air on the earth and then we are gone. No-one knows the day or the hour that we shall pass. Some doctors like to play "God" with people and tell them you only have 6 months to live or 2 weeks... my thought about that is that there is no test on earth that can be performed on us that would tell the exact moment that we shall perish. Perfect example.. my soon to be three year old..
Many doctors told us that Garrett wouldn't live a day, even if I had carried him to term.. my water broke at 20 weeks and I carried him to twenty five weeks with no fluid.. His lungs won't develop, they told me. You should abort him. I said "No way" If God wants to take him, he will be in a much better place.. if God wants me.. I am ready to go. If not, then, we will let God decide what kind of life our son will have.
Today that little guy is not so little anymore.. he was 1 lb 8 oz at birth and 11.5 inches.. he's now 25 pounds and 3 feet tall. He romps around my home with the greatest of ease and give me a heart attack about once a day with his little antics. the doctors didn't see the whole picture that God knew since the beginning of Creation.
So here's my summary...tell people that you love them.. and mean it.
Your kids are important and you should tell them everyday that you love them and how special they are to you, you think they will outlive you, but I know people that have buried not one but three young children.
My friend calls his mom every single night before she goes to bed to tell her that he loves her and that touches my heart.
Live life while you can. Don't be depressed over things that you have no control over, or the past which is gone and is never coming back. You can't change another person, only God can do that . You can change you and your outlook on life. Instead of seeing the thorns on the rosebush, stop and admire the beauty that lies within each petal.
If you are sick, maybe have diabetes, don't sit there and whine about it all the time, {while sucking down a non-diet soda or eating a candy bar that you know you aren't supposed to eat.. change your attitude and your lifestyle so that you might live longer and healthier.
Did you know that it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile. A piece of friendly advice... smile it'll cheer you up and most likely someone else will benefit from your mood.
How about a toe stepper? If you are overweight {and most people know if they are or not and don't have to be told by a two year old.. Hey mister.. you're fat!} Do something about it and stop living denial. Work on your own diet plan.. forget all these Plans that usually get you "fatter" when you stop doing it. Mostly it's your attitude toward the thing that is going to motivate you into action. but doing nothing here, is NOT an option. (want to know a secret..sh no telling... I got really heavy for a few years.. and now my youngest is 16 months old.. my goal is to be the weight that I was 15 years ago. !%) It is attainable and I only have $$ to go. I'm proud that I did this on my own with no big diet plan or someone screaming in my face that i didn't lose enough weight that week.. Hey I'm proud of those people on biggest loser if they lose 1 pound in a week, at least they didn't gain 1!
Tell me what will you do. will you talk to more people? Will yo settle disagreements before that person is buried 6 feet under and there isn't going to be a settling then. Will you try to smile more and be pleasant to people, in the stores,while waiting in line, how about when you are driving out on the highway? I have seen some really discourteous drivers out there and you know it's ridiculous, we've all got to get somewhere. but please don't run me over in the process. right.
So make today the day that you do those things that are on your "to-do" list. And Hey! humor me... Smile already!!!
What if your time with your child was reduced to only a few minutes each day? Could you say all that needed to be said or would you be left standing there in tears because you knew the time was up?
What if your parent lay in the hospital bed, dying, with minutes left in their life. Would you be able to be strong for your mother or father. Would you embrace them and hold them like never before? Because you know that eternity is just around the corner for them?
How about if you knew that you had a terminal illness and knew that you yourself only had a short time left to live. Would you live all you could for all the living you didn't do while you had the chance? would there be people that you would try to contact? Would you try to make amends with any people that would stay behind after you were gone?
You know we are but a breath of air on the earth and then we are gone. No-one knows the day or the hour that we shall pass. Some doctors like to play "God" with people and tell them you only have 6 months to live or 2 weeks... my thought about that is that there is no test on earth that can be performed on us that would tell the exact moment that we shall perish. Perfect example.. my soon to be three year old..
Many doctors told us that Garrett wouldn't live a day, even if I had carried him to term.. my water broke at 20 weeks and I carried him to twenty five weeks with no fluid.. His lungs won't develop, they told me. You should abort him. I said "No way" If God wants to take him, he will be in a much better place.. if God wants me.. I am ready to go. If not, then, we will let God decide what kind of life our son will have.
Today that little guy is not so little anymore.. he was 1 lb 8 oz at birth and 11.5 inches.. he's now 25 pounds and 3 feet tall. He romps around my home with the greatest of ease and give me a heart attack about once a day with his little antics. the doctors didn't see the whole picture that God knew since the beginning of Creation.
So here's my summary...tell people that you love them.. and mean it.
Your kids are important and you should tell them everyday that you love them and how special they are to you, you think they will outlive you, but I know people that have buried not one but three young children.
My friend calls his mom every single night before she goes to bed to tell her that he loves her and that touches my heart.
Live life while you can. Don't be depressed over things that you have no control over, or the past which is gone and is never coming back. You can't change another person, only God can do that . You can change you and your outlook on life. Instead of seeing the thorns on the rosebush, stop and admire the beauty that lies within each petal.
If you are sick, maybe have diabetes, don't sit there and whine about it all the time, {while sucking down a non-diet soda or eating a candy bar that you know you aren't supposed to eat.. change your attitude and your lifestyle so that you might live longer and healthier.
Did you know that it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile. A piece of friendly advice... smile it'll cheer you up and most likely someone else will benefit from your mood.
How about a toe stepper? If you are overweight {and most people know if they are or not and don't have to be told by a two year old.. Hey mister.. you're fat!} Do something about it and stop living denial. Work on your own diet plan.. forget all these Plans that usually get you "fatter" when you stop doing it. Mostly it's your attitude toward the thing that is going to motivate you into action. but doing nothing here, is NOT an option. (want to know a secret..sh no telling... I got really heavy for a few years.. and now my youngest is 16 months old.. my goal is to be the weight that I was 15 years ago. !%) It is attainable and I only have $$ to go. I'm proud that I did this on my own with no big diet plan or someone screaming in my face that i didn't lose enough weight that week.. Hey I'm proud of those people on biggest loser if they lose 1 pound in a week, at least they didn't gain 1!
Tell me what will you do. will you talk to more people? Will yo settle disagreements before that person is buried 6 feet under and there isn't going to be a settling then. Will you try to smile more and be pleasant to people, in the stores,while waiting in line, how about when you are driving out on the highway? I have seen some really discourteous drivers out there and you know it's ridiculous, we've all got to get somewhere. but please don't run me over in the process. right.
So make today the day that you do those things that are on your "to-do" list. And Hey! humor me... Smile already!!!
Monday, February 1, 2010
A Rice Crispie Day
A Rice Crispie Day:
The day started out like it always does, with one daughter booming down the steps, bright and early, 6 am. (When I had just settled down, after another restless night of sleep.) ' Morning Mom! "Morning, Kid I sleepily groaned." See ya later, love ya."
"Yep, love you too." she called. Ah back to sleep for an hour.
"Hey, Mom can you sign this slip, it has to be in today.." It could have been,... me signing my life savings away. Well, I guess they won't get much a few coins, a couple of sewing machines and a bunch of dust bunnies, hiding under the sofa.
Then I finally relax and start to get a good dream going on...."THUNK" bLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I charge out of bed, crash my foot into the towel closet in the hall and rush into the nursery to see my one year old laying on the floor. Two year old says "baby out, mom", as he himself is sitting in his brother's crib.
So that's how he's been getting out. You pushed him over the top. "baby out."
After a while, I had the boys at the table, strapped in ready for breakfast. I thought, "Well I 'd better go weigh my self, before I start the day." It's looking good, I have lost 52 pounds since the "little guy" was born. Yahoo.
Phone rings. Hello I say and hear a familiar voice. We talk briefly, because I hear screeching down stairs. I run full tilt down the steps and gasp in horror, as my eyes beheld what my two year old had just accomplished. He took the "Family size" box of Rice Crispies and proceeded to pour them all over the floor.
"Baby did it", says the two year year old. Yeah, all the evidence points to the two year old. I sigh and get the vacuum.
Ten peed pair of pants and oops a number two on the floor.
Nap time: The two year old completely obliterated his crib mattress, taking the covering off and destroyed the foam.
Had to take the girls to the eye doctor, guess what they both need glasses. Ouch another pocket whammy.
Did I mention that my friend's daughter was supposed to come here after school and guess what? My puny little brain didn't even process that when I got the younger one from school, to take her to the appointment.
So half way home , younger daughter says mom what about my friend. She was supposed to come home with me today. The older one says you have to take me to my boyfriend's house first. They were both pulling at my nerves to take care of their needs first, add to that a couple of screaming, tired babies and you have a mom on the verge of despair!
We drop off #1 then rush to see of friend is at our house... Nope.. call a bunch of people.. Nope... then I call the mom of the kid... Yep "I tried to call you today, to let you know that I would be getting her today"... That was what my mother and I refer to a God thing.
Kids came home from the appointment, only to notice that the commode was out of commission. Mom where are we supposed to go to the bathroom...
"there's a baby potty," or if all else fails you could walk to the store, or go to the neighbors.. outside is not really an option, cuz we live in the city.
So I took the toilet off the floor, for the second time in two weeks. YUK and double Yuk it's was equally as gross both times.
I worked on it for six hours. It's a real nasty job, but someone had to do it right. To no avail!
Let's just say by the end of the night, I was literally in tears. I felt overwhelmed and helpless, alone in a big world with just me my kids the dogs and my tears. (And most likely a couple new gray hairs to boot.)
That's the way Rice Crispie days are. Overwhelming, and tear jerking. They can make a person feel that they are on the brink, that the flood will overtake them.
But there is hope!
You know the Lord says that he understands our Rice Crispie days and that he cares about even the slightest little thing... yep even the fact that there are "skatey- eight billion" tiny particles of cereal in that family sized box and that our nerves feel that they can't handle one more thing.
Then the next day, as I sit upon my brand new "throne.." I reach for the tp and there is the answer.. a scripture that I had posted just above the tp.. My grace is sufficient for thee and my power is made perfect in your weakness.
God does understand that we are human and that there are days when all seems to go wrong. We can trust him in every situation, whether it be a box of spilled rice crispies or in the death of a loved one, whether it be in a giant earthquake or a flooding basement.
God says that we can trust him and he will be our grace, our sufficiency, our all in all. He even says that he stores our tears in a bottle.
I am reminded to thank Him when all is right so I don't feel distant from him when all is going wrong.
Hope you have a wonderful day and don't trample in the rice crispies too long.
The day started out like it always does, with one daughter booming down the steps, bright and early, 6 am. (When I had just settled down, after another restless night of sleep.) ' Morning Mom! "Morning, Kid I sleepily groaned." See ya later, love ya."
"Yep, love you too." she called. Ah back to sleep for an hour.
"Hey, Mom can you sign this slip, it has to be in today.." It could have been,... me signing my life savings away. Well, I guess they won't get much a few coins, a couple of sewing machines and a bunch of dust bunnies, hiding under the sofa.
Then I finally relax and start to get a good dream going on...."THUNK" bLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I charge out of bed, crash my foot into the towel closet in the hall and rush into the nursery to see my one year old laying on the floor. Two year old says "baby out, mom", as he himself is sitting in his brother's crib.
So that's how he's been getting out. You pushed him over the top. "baby out."
After a while, I had the boys at the table, strapped in ready for breakfast. I thought, "Well I 'd better go weigh my self, before I start the day." It's looking good, I have lost 52 pounds since the "little guy" was born. Yahoo.
Phone rings. Hello I say and hear a familiar voice. We talk briefly, because I hear screeching down stairs. I run full tilt down the steps and gasp in horror, as my eyes beheld what my two year old had just accomplished. He took the "Family size" box of Rice Crispies and proceeded to pour them all over the floor.
"Baby did it", says the two year year old. Yeah, all the evidence points to the two year old. I sigh and get the vacuum.
Ten peed pair of pants and oops a number two on the floor.
Nap time: The two year old completely obliterated his crib mattress, taking the covering off and destroyed the foam.
Had to take the girls to the eye doctor, guess what they both need glasses. Ouch another pocket whammy.
Did I mention that my friend's daughter was supposed to come here after school and guess what? My puny little brain didn't even process that when I got the younger one from school, to take her to the appointment.
So half way home , younger daughter says mom what about my friend. She was supposed to come home with me today. The older one says you have to take me to my boyfriend's house first. They were both pulling at my nerves to take care of their needs first, add to that a couple of screaming, tired babies and you have a mom on the verge of despair!
We drop off #1 then rush to see of friend is at our house... Nope.. call a bunch of people.. Nope... then I call the mom of the kid... Yep "I tried to call you today, to let you know that I would be getting her today"... That was what my mother and I refer to a God thing.
Kids came home from the appointment, only to notice that the commode was out of commission. Mom where are we supposed to go to the bathroom...
"there's a baby potty," or if all else fails you could walk to the store, or go to the neighbors.. outside is not really an option, cuz we live in the city.
So I took the toilet off the floor, for the second time in two weeks. YUK and double Yuk it's was equally as gross both times.
I worked on it for six hours. It's a real nasty job, but someone had to do it right. To no avail!
Let's just say by the end of the night, I was literally in tears. I felt overwhelmed and helpless, alone in a big world with just me my kids the dogs and my tears. (And most likely a couple new gray hairs to boot.)
That's the way Rice Crispie days are. Overwhelming, and tear jerking. They can make a person feel that they are on the brink, that the flood will overtake them.
But there is hope!
You know the Lord says that he understands our Rice Crispie days and that he cares about even the slightest little thing... yep even the fact that there are "skatey- eight billion" tiny particles of cereal in that family sized box and that our nerves feel that they can't handle one more thing.
Then the next day, as I sit upon my brand new "throne.." I reach for the tp and there is the answer.. a scripture that I had posted just above the tp.. My grace is sufficient for thee and my power is made perfect in your weakness.
God does understand that we are human and that there are days when all seems to go wrong. We can trust him in every situation, whether it be a box of spilled rice crispies or in the death of a loved one, whether it be in a giant earthquake or a flooding basement.
God says that we can trust him and he will be our grace, our sufficiency, our all in all. He even says that he stores our tears in a bottle.
I am reminded to thank Him when all is right so I don't feel distant from him when all is going wrong.
Hope you have a wonderful day and don't trample in the rice crispies too long.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
a light in the tunnel
This blog is completely true and verifiable, but for the sake of confidentiality, I
will leave out the name of the person that I am going to write about. OK?
So four and a half years ago a person was found guilty of a horrible crime that the
person didn't commit.
This person was found guilty of touching a child in an indecent way. The lawyer that
represented this person, was a public defender.
Though, there may be good ones out there, this particular lawyer was a complete and
utter disgrace as a defense attorney. His job was to defend his innocent client,
(remember the right... presumed innocent until proven guilty, beyond a shadow of doubt)...
not to let said client get railroaded, thrown to the wolves, to be devoured by a
system that was put in place to protect the innocent and punish the guilty.
The lawyer allowed a miscarriage of justice to occur, and the prosecution got away
with murder. They were allowed to tell lies on the stand, change their victim's
testimony, even the victim's mother changed her story from one day in the trial to
the next, and present new evidence the day of the trial. The defense sat there
dumbfounded, with no objections, just a dirty and unkempt appearance.
The defense attorney never called the client's witnesses. He said the client wasn't
incarcerated so his case didn't take priority, even up to one business day before
the trial. He allowed the 600 rule to pass, uncontested and violated several of the
client's constitutional rights.
The spouse of the client went to the State Representative. He listened and back
then, but could do nothing to assist.
The couple followed all the advice that the lawyer had given them,and trusted him to
steer them in the right direction, to no avail.
The client was found guilty on three charges, and was later sentenced to serve jail
time, be on parole and then serve a period of 3 years probation, and be listed on
Megan's law for a period of ten years.
After four and a half years, the couple found a lawyer to help them with the appeal
process and he told them that because the public defender had handled the case the
way he did, the client would not be able to fight the injustice that had been thrown
in their direction....
Here's the light in the tunnel.. The spouse asked the new lawyer to write a letter stating that the client had been wrongfully convicted based on constitutional rights being infringed upon and literally compromised, ineffective counsel and other various reasons.The new lawyer did just that and in one paragraph of his letter, he wrote those very words.
There was a second lawyer that tried to help get an appeal for the innocent client, stating the prosecution didn't have enough evidence to bring the client to trial and that the state handled it wrong.
The former state representative declared it a "witch hunt" way back then and decided that he would write a letter for the client to help in any way he could.
The spouse was so elated. The spouse decided to write a letter to the mayor, state representative, attorney general, the governor, and the president of the United states of America.
A good many people thought that the client was guilty as charged. The spouse never gave up hope and knew of the client's complete innocence. They dealt with public humiliation, public disgrace, the client was banned from ever going to the church that the couple had attended for a couple of years, the paper printed terrible lies, (which people think is the gospel truth, though it is usually a pack of made up lies.) The spouse lost their lively hood that kept them off welfare. On and on the
list goes. Their lives could never return to normal.
So the spouse said the letters will get sent and if the higher ups can do something to help, that is what is wanted and if not well, at least let the world know that the client was wrongfully convicted
My own personal point of view: there are perverts out there that are harming children. They do need to be stopped and punished with great severity, and may I add, that if a person is a true sexual offender that person needs to be locked away and receive major counseling and not be released until the authorities are certain beyond a shadow of doubt that person is well again.
On the other hand, there are people that are accused of committing horrible crimes against a child and they are truly innocent. But the Word of a child is powerful. There are those people that think that a child cannot lie, however, we all know that is simply not true. If a child wants to, they can surely tell a whopper of a story and make you believe, it hook line and sinker.
I firmly believe that if a "victim" is found to be truthful and has truly been harmed, then by all means get that dirty scoundrel away from society and lock them up so that they cannot hurt another person ever again.
If the "victim" has no physical evidence and is proven to be a liar, that person needs help and fast, before they destroy a person's life, family, and reputation that has been spotless in the community. The "victim" should also have to pay restitution if they go to trial and are later found out to be liars.
I know that this blog is most likely offensive to some viewers and for that I apologize. However, I personally know of three different people who are sitting in jails today, that I feel the system has locked up without any evidence to support their case. ( I know a lot jailbirds say they are innocent... and some of them are.)
Thanks for reading and the next time you read something in the paper, realize that there are two sides to every story and sometimes you only get part of the story. Not everything the paper prints is the truth!
will leave out the name of the person that I am going to write about. OK?
So four and a half years ago a person was found guilty of a horrible crime that the
person didn't commit.
This person was found guilty of touching a child in an indecent way. The lawyer that
represented this person, was a public defender.
Though, there may be good ones out there, this particular lawyer was a complete and
utter disgrace as a defense attorney. His job was to defend his innocent client,
(remember the right... presumed innocent until proven guilty, beyond a shadow of doubt)...
not to let said client get railroaded, thrown to the wolves, to be devoured by a
system that was put in place to protect the innocent and punish the guilty.
The lawyer allowed a miscarriage of justice to occur, and the prosecution got away
with murder. They were allowed to tell lies on the stand, change their victim's
testimony, even the victim's mother changed her story from one day in the trial to
the next, and present new evidence the day of the trial. The defense sat there
dumbfounded, with no objections, just a dirty and unkempt appearance.
The defense attorney never called the client's witnesses. He said the client wasn't
incarcerated so his case didn't take priority, even up to one business day before
the trial. He allowed the 600 rule to pass, uncontested and violated several of the
client's constitutional rights.
The spouse of the client went to the State Representative. He listened and back
then, but could do nothing to assist.
The couple followed all the advice that the lawyer had given them,and trusted him to
steer them in the right direction, to no avail.
The client was found guilty on three charges, and was later sentenced to serve jail
time, be on parole and then serve a period of 3 years probation, and be listed on
Megan's law for a period of ten years.
After four and a half years, the couple found a lawyer to help them with the appeal
process and he told them that because the public defender had handled the case the
way he did, the client would not be able to fight the injustice that had been thrown
in their direction....
Here's the light in the tunnel.. The spouse asked the new lawyer to write a letter stating that the client had been wrongfully convicted based on constitutional rights being infringed upon and literally compromised, ineffective counsel and other various reasons.The new lawyer did just that and in one paragraph of his letter, he wrote those very words.
There was a second lawyer that tried to help get an appeal for the innocent client, stating the prosecution didn't have enough evidence to bring the client to trial and that the state handled it wrong.
The former state representative declared it a "witch hunt" way back then and decided that he would write a letter for the client to help in any way he could.
The spouse was so elated. The spouse decided to write a letter to the mayor, state representative, attorney general, the governor, and the president of the United states of America.
A good many people thought that the client was guilty as charged. The spouse never gave up hope and knew of the client's complete innocence. They dealt with public humiliation, public disgrace, the client was banned from ever going to the church that the couple had attended for a couple of years, the paper printed terrible lies, (which people think is the gospel truth, though it is usually a pack of made up lies.) The spouse lost their lively hood that kept them off welfare. On and on the
list goes. Their lives could never return to normal.
So the spouse said the letters will get sent and if the higher ups can do something to help, that is what is wanted and if not well, at least let the world know that the client was wrongfully convicted
My own personal point of view: there are perverts out there that are harming children. They do need to be stopped and punished with great severity, and may I add, that if a person is a true sexual offender that person needs to be locked away and receive major counseling and not be released until the authorities are certain beyond a shadow of doubt that person is well again.
On the other hand, there are people that are accused of committing horrible crimes against a child and they are truly innocent. But the Word of a child is powerful. There are those people that think that a child cannot lie, however, we all know that is simply not true. If a child wants to, they can surely tell a whopper of a story and make you believe, it hook line and sinker.
I firmly believe that if a "victim" is found to be truthful and has truly been harmed, then by all means get that dirty scoundrel away from society and lock them up so that they cannot hurt another person ever again.
If the "victim" has no physical evidence and is proven to be a liar, that person needs help and fast, before they destroy a person's life, family, and reputation that has been spotless in the community. The "victim" should also have to pay restitution if they go to trial and are later found out to be liars.
I know that this blog is most likely offensive to some viewers and for that I apologize. However, I personally know of three different people who are sitting in jails today, that I feel the system has locked up without any evidence to support their case. ( I know a lot jailbirds say they are innocent... and some of them are.)
Thanks for reading and the next time you read something in the paper, realize that there are two sides to every story and sometimes you only get part of the story. Not everything the paper prints is the truth!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
You may never know
You may never know whose life you will affect, along the way.
Sometimes we go through life thinking things like, what is the point of my life?
Would anybody miss me if I were gone off the face of the earth.
I would like to tell you that your life is important and you matter to God and to me. I may not know you personally, but if you are somehow reading this blog.. I am feeling led to write this for someone, so it must be you.
I was reading to my two little kids today, a book about Maxie. She did the same things day after long boring day and so did her cat. The book describes her as getting up at exactly 7 am, doing her daily routine minute for minute each day, without anyone seemingly taking notice or caring.
So one day, she decided that she was tired and had no desire to get up, to pull the blinds to boil the water for tea, go get the milk, take out her trash, tend to her bird or feed the cat. She decided that she would sleep away her misery, because no one really cared anyhow.
Well, as chance would have it, her life, however meaningless it seemed to her actually affected about four hundred other people in her apartment complex, that she didn't even realize.
For each thing that she did, actually awaken other people in the building and they would go on their day because of say, her door opening, the tea kettle brewing, the cat meowing the chirping of the bird or the squeaking of the front door....
When the neighbors realized that she wasn't up and around, they all piled into her little apartment, to see what was the trouble was. Was she dead or what?
Nope, not dead just depressed. You think they would have compassion on her, but no they did not. the one neighbor was bold enough to say "You've ruined my day." because you didn't lift your blinds, I didn't know what time it was, so my son missed his preschool bus, I was late to work and my boss fired me.
Another one piped up and said when your whistle, so I didn't get up to go to work and now there are about fifty people down at the restaurant, waiting for me to cook their breakfast before they go to work.
A third man chimed in with, now I have rotten milk waiting in the truck, because everyone was so concerned about you that I came to see why you didn't get your milk, leaving my truck to sit in the morning sun.
So Maxie jumped out of bed, pulled the blinds, fed the cat, took out the trash, uncovered the bird, and took care of all the morning duties. She boiled enough water to make tea for all the disgruntled people that crowded into her little house, on the third floor.
She realized that her life did matter to other people.
Here's my puny little opinion about this: everyone is important. No one is exempt! So if you feel you aren't important or are feeling left out of the realm of life, go visit someone in a nursing home, Go see a shut in, send a letter to someone in the hospital, write to a friend who has a busy life style, cook a meal for an elderly person, hey take a step in the wild direction and write to someone who is incarcerated.
Speaking of which, I am currently writing to six people who are incarcerated. I am always humbled by their friendship. Sometimes, when my day seems "awful" if I dare say it.. for fear that something worse will happen.. I will get a letter from one of them and I am immediately made aware of how great my life really is.
Sometimes we go through life thinking things like, what is the point of my life?
Would anybody miss me if I were gone off the face of the earth.
I would like to tell you that your life is important and you matter to God and to me. I may not know you personally, but if you are somehow reading this blog.. I am feeling led to write this for someone, so it must be you.
I was reading to my two little kids today, a book about Maxie. She did the same things day after long boring day and so did her cat. The book describes her as getting up at exactly 7 am, doing her daily routine minute for minute each day, without anyone seemingly taking notice or caring.
So one day, she decided that she was tired and had no desire to get up, to pull the blinds to boil the water for tea, go get the milk, take out her trash, tend to her bird or feed the cat. She decided that she would sleep away her misery, because no one really cared anyhow.
Well, as chance would have it, her life, however meaningless it seemed to her actually affected about four hundred other people in her apartment complex, that she didn't even realize.
For each thing that she did, actually awaken other people in the building and they would go on their day because of say, her door opening, the tea kettle brewing, the cat meowing the chirping of the bird or the squeaking of the front door....
When the neighbors realized that she wasn't up and around, they all piled into her little apartment, to see what was the trouble was. Was she dead or what?
Nope, not dead just depressed. You think they would have compassion on her, but no they did not. the one neighbor was bold enough to say "You've ruined my day." because you didn't lift your blinds, I didn't know what time it was, so my son missed his preschool bus, I was late to work and my boss fired me.
Another one piped up and said when your whistle, so I didn't get up to go to work and now there are about fifty people down at the restaurant, waiting for me to cook their breakfast before they go to work.
A third man chimed in with, now I have rotten milk waiting in the truck, because everyone was so concerned about you that I came to see why you didn't get your milk, leaving my truck to sit in the morning sun.
So Maxie jumped out of bed, pulled the blinds, fed the cat, took out the trash, uncovered the bird, and took care of all the morning duties. She boiled enough water to make tea for all the disgruntled people that crowded into her little house, on the third floor.
She realized that her life did matter to other people.
Here's my puny little opinion about this: everyone is important. No one is exempt! So if you feel you aren't important or are feeling left out of the realm of life, go visit someone in a nursing home, Go see a shut in, send a letter to someone in the hospital, write to a friend who has a busy life style, cook a meal for an elderly person, hey take a step in the wild direction and write to someone who is incarcerated.
Speaking of which, I am currently writing to six people who are incarcerated. I am always humbled by their friendship. Sometimes, when my day seems "awful" if I dare say it.. for fear that something worse will happen.. I will get a letter from one of them and I am immediately made aware of how great my life really is.
Monday, January 18, 2010
times of reflection.
I have been loving this Face book thing. It has given me a chance to reconnect with some of my "old" friends, and enabled me to make some new ones. Sometimes when a person moves or remarries, people can loose track of each other. One of my friends from 16 years ago, said I knew another Georgia but with a different last name... i quickly responded that I am that one that she knew way back when, so it will be interesting to get reconnected.
It is also funny how a reputation may precede us. A pastor friend that knew me as a teenager,oh my that was years ago... (AAAAAAAHHHHH) (OK, now that I'm done whining) he jokingly wrote a blog by Georgia called Gabbings. Apparently, he remembered that I was never really to shy, and generally spoke my mind, though it wasn't always wise.. gee seems I still struggle to keep the opinions to myself. My teenager would agree.
I was reading one of my very close friends responses in her Face book, she said she was fasting from Face book for a while, which I know she loves, so hopefully she won't be gone too long.. she said long before we had Face book there was a gadget invented called the telephone.It is a great point and one that I would like to comment on myself, if I may.
I laugh when I see my teenager, the fastest "texter" in the west I think... sitting right next to her friends on the coach and they are texting each other about the movie that they are watching. together in the same room.. what ever happened to good old conversation?
Pretty soon the Next generation is going to forget how to speak or to be able to carry on a meaningful conversation. The only thing they will be able to do is take a medicine for the aching thumbs and talk in text-gibberish that non texters like me would think is a foreign language.
My big question for the people in my generation and those that were here before me.... what did we ever do without cell phones and all this modern technology. We talked to our friends for 10 minutes on our telephones.. not land lines and we made lists to take with us to the store so we didn't have to call home from the grocery store and say "what is it that we need?"
How about when we are in the stall next to someone in the restroom and they start talking, it's so weird, it gets me every time. I always think they are talking to me. What gets me even more are the ones with "blue tooth..." a little gadget that looks like a hearing aid and I still haven't figured out how the smoke that thing works.
Listen to me, I sound like an "old lady", but it is good to have times of reflection, to remember how it used to be and to think about where we have come from. Better yet I am looking forward to where I am going and when I die, i want to be buried with fork in my right hand.
No, I'm not crazy, well, I take that back, I am crazy, but in a good way.. if there is such a thing. I want to have a fork in my hand... cuz if one person says "ah she looks so good... I'll poke them with the fork, no just kidding. really the real reason is ..
When dinner was over at Grandma's house, she used to say keep your fork cuz something better is coming. For me, I know that when my life comes to an end, I know there is something better coming. That is heaven for me and I hope that it will be for you too.
It is also funny how a reputation may precede us. A pastor friend that knew me as a teenager,oh my that was years ago... (AAAAAAAHHHHH) (OK, now that I'm done whining) he jokingly wrote a blog by Georgia called Gabbings. Apparently, he remembered that I was never really to shy, and generally spoke my mind, though it wasn't always wise.. gee seems I still struggle to keep the opinions to myself. My teenager would agree.
I was reading one of my very close friends responses in her Face book, she said she was fasting from Face book for a while, which I know she loves, so hopefully she won't be gone too long.. she said long before we had Face book there was a gadget invented called the telephone.It is a great point and one that I would like to comment on myself, if I may.
I laugh when I see my teenager, the fastest "texter" in the west I think... sitting right next to her friends on the coach and they are texting each other about the movie that they are watching. together in the same room.. what ever happened to good old conversation?
Pretty soon the Next generation is going to forget how to speak or to be able to carry on a meaningful conversation. The only thing they will be able to do is take a medicine for the aching thumbs and talk in text-gibberish that non texters like me would think is a foreign language.
My big question for the people in my generation and those that were here before me.... what did we ever do without cell phones and all this modern technology. We talked to our friends for 10 minutes on our telephones.. not land lines and we made lists to take with us to the store so we didn't have to call home from the grocery store and say "what is it that we need?"
How about when we are in the stall next to someone in the restroom and they start talking, it's so weird, it gets me every time. I always think they are talking to me. What gets me even more are the ones with "blue tooth..." a little gadget that looks like a hearing aid and I still haven't figured out how the smoke that thing works.
Listen to me, I sound like an "old lady", but it is good to have times of reflection, to remember how it used to be and to think about where we have come from. Better yet I am looking forward to where I am going and when I die, i want to be buried with fork in my right hand.
No, I'm not crazy, well, I take that back, I am crazy, but in a good way.. if there is such a thing. I want to have a fork in my hand... cuz if one person says "ah she looks so good... I'll poke them with the fork, no just kidding. really the real reason is ..
When dinner was over at Grandma's house, she used to say keep your fork cuz something better is coming. For me, I know that when my life comes to an end, I know there is something better coming. That is heaven for me and I hope that it will be for you too.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
here's a sad story with a better ending.
A friend of mine was in a group of singles, with a bunch of other people. This friend made some very horrible choices and ended up with a legal record that was life changing, for the worse. The person served time in jail, was released and then had to try to face life. The person's child told them that they hated them and that night the person who felt so hopeless took their own life. I never knew that this person had taken their own life. When I was told this today, it broke my heart for the person's family and friends that were left behind...
To grieve, to hurt, to wonder, if there was anything that they did wrong to cause this person to make the choices in their life that led to such a heartbreaking ending. But the answer to that is no, you couldn't have changed that awful outcome, it was a choice that they made.
Notice that I left the gender of the person out of this story, deliberately, because there are many people who could say they know someone in this position.. perhaps they are there themselves.
Parents whose child is in a place of disaster, fearing for their demise, husbands or wives that are at the end of their rope and feel there is no way out, from a mess they are in.. a single person hoping to find "true love" only to be left standing alone day after day, kids who don't feel that anyone loves them and want to end their lives, people strung out on drugs with no where to turn to for help, homeless people, ( for whatever the reason), people who have lost their jobs due to the poor economy.
There are people who feel out of control in their lives, whether they feel overweight, underpaid, over worked, under appreciated, helpless and aggravated beyond repair. On and on this sadness prevails.
But I have an answer of Hope. I know where to go when the going gets tough and I have seen tough. I know whose arms are open wide, when my heart is broken into a million bits. I know who loves me when no one else seems to. I know who calls me by name when the world calls me everything but. I know who understands all the mixed up emotions that I am going through. I know the answer.
The answer is not drugs or booze, it's not an illicit affair or a child on the way that will "fix " the things that cause us to cry or weep. It's not a boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife that can cure us from loneliness or a cigarette that can take the edge off, it's nothing that we can put our hands on that can make the emptiness that we feel disappear into thin air.
Then what , you say. Well, here it is my friend, here it is...
You've heard that Jesus is the answer and that is true and the only truth. Jesus wants to heal your brokenness and give you beauty for ashes. He wants to restore all that the "locusts" have destroyed, (that's all the wrong things that have happened, to you or any one you know that is hurting) Jesus wants to fill you with happiness and give you a joy unspeakable, a peace that surpasses all understanding.
To some this is confusion. "If there really is a God, why would he allow such terrible things to occur? Take the life of a child so young, allow someone who is leading 1,000 people a year to Christ, to be taken in a drunk driving accident. Allow an innocent person to be placed on trial, convicted and serve time in prison for crimes they didn't and wouldn't ever commit. Why would God take the life of a four year old orphan girl that was adopted into a christian home where she would have been loved forever.
No one knows the answers to these and worse questions. But I do know that God is sovereign and one day we will know the answers and the reasons that the Lord allowed these things to occur. Why 911 happened. why a mother of four young children was taken in the middle of the night. Why God allowed a lot of crazy people to take the lives of innocent people.
Until then, we know that God is still in control and that He truly loves each and every one of us and longs that none should perish.
I think that people are afraid to turn their lives over to the Lord, because they are afraid that they will never be good enough for him or that they have to "fix" themselves up before they can go to Him.
Here's something everyone should know. There will never be anything that we can do that would be good enough to get us to the Lord. Our righteousness is as filthy rags to him.
Jesus paid it all on the cross for our sins ( anything we say think or do that displeases God) His blood flowed down from Calvary for you and for me.
But we have a choice to make. Will we accept the free gift of salvation, with no strings attached or will we continue to think that "we can handle this on our own. " Or I will make that decision later, when I'm older.
About the friend, that took their life... he had a choice to make and unfortunately made the wrong choice, but it is never to late to talk to the Lord and let him give you a fresh start in life.
I don't care if you think you're worst of the worst or God couldn't love you because you've been too bad...
God does love you and you only have to take one step back to him , he's waiting to save you and help you.
May you find the peace that you are looking for and the love that you so desperately need.
Take care and I'm here if you need to talk.
To grieve, to hurt, to wonder, if there was anything that they did wrong to cause this person to make the choices in their life that led to such a heartbreaking ending. But the answer to that is no, you couldn't have changed that awful outcome, it was a choice that they made.
Notice that I left the gender of the person out of this story, deliberately, because there are many people who could say they know someone in this position.. perhaps they are there themselves.
Parents whose child is in a place of disaster, fearing for their demise, husbands or wives that are at the end of their rope and feel there is no way out, from a mess they are in.. a single person hoping to find "true love" only to be left standing alone day after day, kids who don't feel that anyone loves them and want to end their lives, people strung out on drugs with no where to turn to for help, homeless people, ( for whatever the reason), people who have lost their jobs due to the poor economy.
There are people who feel out of control in their lives, whether they feel overweight, underpaid, over worked, under appreciated, helpless and aggravated beyond repair. On and on this sadness prevails.
But I have an answer of Hope. I know where to go when the going gets tough and I have seen tough. I know whose arms are open wide, when my heart is broken into a million bits. I know who loves me when no one else seems to. I know who calls me by name when the world calls me everything but. I know who understands all the mixed up emotions that I am going through. I know the answer.
The answer is not drugs or booze, it's not an illicit affair or a child on the way that will "fix " the things that cause us to cry or weep. It's not a boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife that can cure us from loneliness or a cigarette that can take the edge off, it's nothing that we can put our hands on that can make the emptiness that we feel disappear into thin air.
Then what , you say. Well, here it is my friend, here it is...
You've heard that Jesus is the answer and that is true and the only truth. Jesus wants to heal your brokenness and give you beauty for ashes. He wants to restore all that the "locusts" have destroyed, (that's all the wrong things that have happened, to you or any one you know that is hurting) Jesus wants to fill you with happiness and give you a joy unspeakable, a peace that surpasses all understanding.
To some this is confusion. "If there really is a God, why would he allow such terrible things to occur? Take the life of a child so young, allow someone who is leading 1,000 people a year to Christ, to be taken in a drunk driving accident. Allow an innocent person to be placed on trial, convicted and serve time in prison for crimes they didn't and wouldn't ever commit. Why would God take the life of a four year old orphan girl that was adopted into a christian home where she would have been loved forever.
No one knows the answers to these and worse questions. But I do know that God is sovereign and one day we will know the answers and the reasons that the Lord allowed these things to occur. Why 911 happened. why a mother of four young children was taken in the middle of the night. Why God allowed a lot of crazy people to take the lives of innocent people.
Until then, we know that God is still in control and that He truly loves each and every one of us and longs that none should perish.
I think that people are afraid to turn their lives over to the Lord, because they are afraid that they will never be good enough for him or that they have to "fix" themselves up before they can go to Him.
Here's something everyone should know. There will never be anything that we can do that would be good enough to get us to the Lord. Our righteousness is as filthy rags to him.
Jesus paid it all on the cross for our sins ( anything we say think or do that displeases God) His blood flowed down from Calvary for you and for me.
But we have a choice to make. Will we accept the free gift of salvation, with no strings attached or will we continue to think that "we can handle this on our own. " Or I will make that decision later, when I'm older.
About the friend, that took their life... he had a choice to make and unfortunately made the wrong choice, but it is never to late to talk to the Lord and let him give you a fresh start in life.
I don't care if you think you're worst of the worst or God couldn't love you because you've been too bad...
God does love you and you only have to take one step back to him , he's waiting to save you and help you.
May you find the peace that you are looking for and the love that you so desperately need.
Take care and I'm here if you need to talk.
Friday, January 15, 2010
humble pie
I was reading in my quiet time this morning, in the book of Esther. That old Haman he sure was a high and mighty dude, well at least in his own eyes. He thought he was so wonderful that everyone in the kingdom should bow down and pay him honor every time he walked by. I bet he walked by quite often, just to watch those poor schmucks bend down, "lower" he probably said, as they almost touched the ground. Can't you just see him now, strutting around like a peacock. Then lowly Mordecai came into view. Oh how Haman hated him. Loathed him because Mordecai wouldn't bow the knee, as a matter of fact, flat out refused to get down at all for the "great" Haman. Every time good old Haman saw this, it boiled his blood! Boy was he mad, so he told his wife and his friends, the whole sob story. Of course, they wanted him to be happy so they said kill him, no better yet wipe out his whole family, no the whole tribe, that should make you feel much better. What a great idea, so Haman went to the king, whose wife happened to be the niece of Mordecai, but no-one knew this bit of information. Haman was sneaky, he didn't want to seem arrogant to the king, so he slyly said, there are certain people who don't honor you, King and they should be destroyed off the face of the earth. Then you will be able to rest easier knowing that everyone in your kingdom does as you say. So unknowingly, the king set into motion, a murder plot for his wife and her whole tribe.
Well, Haman was so quick that he immediately put out the papers that told how when and where this unsuspecting tribe was to be slaughtered.
Then that Mordecai, he found out that someone was plotting against the king. He told his niece Esther, which in turn notified the king. The king took care of the traitors and had Mordecai's name written in the book of the annuals for when he couldn't sleep. As it happened Esther got wind of Haman's wicked plot to kill her tribe of people. So she went before the king, unannounced, fearing for her life, he welcomed her, because he loved her and wouldn't harm a hair on her beautiful head.
He said "what would you like, I will give you up to half of my kingdom." She said, would you please come to dinner tonight and bring Haman along too. Then she invited them back for a second dinner. Boy! Now he really had a big head, all swelled up with pride!
That was easily granted so they went. Well that Haman sure did think he was pretty awesome, he got to go to dinner with the King and the Queen. Wow! Oh boy! He was flying high as a kite! On his way home, he noticed that Mordecai blatantly refused to obey his order of bowing down to him, he was livid, to say the least! So his wife, Zeresh and his friends, said take care of him tomorrow. Hang him on a gallows 75 feet high. That will fix him. So he put his men to work and they built the gallows. That night, the King couldn't sleep. Maybe God had stirred his mind. So he had his night time servant read him the book of the annuals. Lo and behold there was a passage about Mordecai. What! He had saved the life of the king and nothing had been done to honor him, well, and then Haman came in, ready to ask to kill Mordecai. The king asked what should be done for the man he wished to honor. Right away, Haman's pride hopped on the ban wagon and boy he said all kinds of great things that he thought the king should do for Him, the great one. Then his bubble burst with a big ol' pop when the king said now go do this for Mordecai, the man I wish to honor. So everything that Haman said should happen did and he had to honor Mordecai in the public square, nice and loud so everyone could hear it. Wow! Ow and double ow.
So the king and Haman attended the second dinner,with Esther. The King again asked Esther what is it that you would like, I will give you half of everything that I own. She was very pleasant and beautiful, I know he would have done anything she would have asked.
She said "spare my life and the life of my whole tribe." He gasped and probably said, what on earth are you talking about? Then she told the whole story of how that wicked Haman had plotted to kill Jews and that she herself was a Jew. The king flew into a rage, at Haman. He fled to the palace garden to cool down, and when he went back into the palace,there was Haman throwing himself on the queen begging for his life. When the king saw this, he was so angry he was ready to kill Haman himself, saying "now you would even rape my queen in my own home." The onlookers called to the king, "he built a gallows to kill Mordecai on, it's 75 feet high." The king ordered "Hang Him on his own gallows!' They did and then the king calmed down.
To me this whole story is one of pride and humility. One man who thought he was all that had a good dose of humble pie to eat and the one who was truly humble was exalted to one of the king's highest positions in the kingdom and he had never said a word about being great.
I wonder how we view ourselves, high and mighty, we're all that and a bag of chips or do we realize that we are just a breath of air, like a flower here today and gone tomorrow.
But there is good news, we can rest easily knowing that once we become a child of the King of Kings, one day we will be lifted up to sit with the God of the universe at his right side.
So have a great day and the next time you see someone who doesn't look exactly the way you think he or she should look, don't view them as less than yourself. Look at them through the eyes of Our Lord Jesus, because I don't know about you but I don't like eating humble pie.
Well, Haman was so quick that he immediately put out the papers that told how when and where this unsuspecting tribe was to be slaughtered.
Then that Mordecai, he found out that someone was plotting against the king. He told his niece Esther, which in turn notified the king. The king took care of the traitors and had Mordecai's name written in the book of the annuals for when he couldn't sleep. As it happened Esther got wind of Haman's wicked plot to kill her tribe of people. So she went before the king, unannounced, fearing for her life, he welcomed her, because he loved her and wouldn't harm a hair on her beautiful head.
He said "what would you like, I will give you up to half of my kingdom." She said, would you please come to dinner tonight and bring Haman along too. Then she invited them back for a second dinner. Boy! Now he really had a big head, all swelled up with pride!
That was easily granted so they went. Well that Haman sure did think he was pretty awesome, he got to go to dinner with the King and the Queen. Wow! Oh boy! He was flying high as a kite! On his way home, he noticed that Mordecai blatantly refused to obey his order of bowing down to him, he was livid, to say the least! So his wife, Zeresh and his friends, said take care of him tomorrow. Hang him on a gallows 75 feet high. That will fix him. So he put his men to work and they built the gallows. That night, the King couldn't sleep. Maybe God had stirred his mind. So he had his night time servant read him the book of the annuals. Lo and behold there was a passage about Mordecai. What! He had saved the life of the king and nothing had been done to honor him, well, and then Haman came in, ready to ask to kill Mordecai. The king asked what should be done for the man he wished to honor. Right away, Haman's pride hopped on the ban wagon and boy he said all kinds of great things that he thought the king should do for Him, the great one. Then his bubble burst with a big ol' pop when the king said now go do this for Mordecai, the man I wish to honor. So everything that Haman said should happen did and he had to honor Mordecai in the public square, nice and loud so everyone could hear it. Wow! Ow and double ow.
So the king and Haman attended the second dinner,with Esther. The King again asked Esther what is it that you would like, I will give you half of everything that I own. She was very pleasant and beautiful, I know he would have done anything she would have asked.
She said "spare my life and the life of my whole tribe." He gasped and probably said, what on earth are you talking about? Then she told the whole story of how that wicked Haman had plotted to kill Jews and that she herself was a Jew. The king flew into a rage, at Haman. He fled to the palace garden to cool down, and when he went back into the palace,there was Haman throwing himself on the queen begging for his life. When the king saw this, he was so angry he was ready to kill Haman himself, saying "now you would even rape my queen in my own home." The onlookers called to the king, "he built a gallows to kill Mordecai on, it's 75 feet high." The king ordered "Hang Him on his own gallows!' They did and then the king calmed down.
To me this whole story is one of pride and humility. One man who thought he was all that had a good dose of humble pie to eat and the one who was truly humble was exalted to one of the king's highest positions in the kingdom and he had never said a word about being great.
I wonder how we view ourselves, high and mighty, we're all that and a bag of chips or do we realize that we are just a breath of air, like a flower here today and gone tomorrow.
But there is good news, we can rest easily knowing that once we become a child of the King of Kings, one day we will be lifted up to sit with the God of the universe at his right side.
So have a great day and the next time you see someone who doesn't look exactly the way you think he or she should look, don't view them as less than yourself. Look at them through the eyes of Our Lord Jesus, because I don't know about you but I don't like eating humble pie.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
sloppy little kisses
You know you love someone when they are gooey and sticky and yet you can't refuse one of their sloppy little kisses. They melt your heart! Sometimes when we are going through our day, with our little ones, we might get frustrated or annoyed by the things that they do. Maybe they have dumped their bowl of cereal over their brother's head or poured juice all over the table. Perhaps they have slogged your commode with a toy tractor or flushed a kotex. Whatever it may be, we can get upset and even feel like running away to a quiet place. it's in these chaotic "mom"-ents that we need to step back and realize that our children are a gift from God. Take time to renew your- self each day, that when the feet want to run and the ears want to block out the screaming, you can remember those sloppy little kisses.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Hello and a good day to all, so far I have had no success with people commenting on my blog, so if you read this or the others let me know that you found me and that I am not just typing random thoughts into cyberspace for the cobwebs to gather dust in.
Anyway, enough of my whining: Today I would like to share with you about something that I feel is very important.
So do you know the day that you will die? How about when the doctors say: "you have three months left to live" to me that is one of the craziest things I can think of, besides this one... at a funeral, standing at the casket... awe she looks good or he really looks good... no they look dead"
Now back to my thought for the day.. Can anyone truly know the hour or the minute that our life will be taken from us? No just the opposite is true, it comes like a thief in the night and then we are gone.
Gone from this world, but there is a hereafter. No, not a place of partying and everlasting booze parties with friends, rather a place with God for eternity in eternal joy and bliss or a place of suffering and torment, forever away from the God who loves us and created us to be with him.
I wonder where will you spend that time, that though we can not see it now or even begin to comprehend it's meaning or even the length of time that is forever. It will happen.
Here on earth, we think of things in terms of years, but we know that it eventually comes to an end, but eternity will not end. I hope that you will think about this today and think about what you want to do.... suffer, smell burning sulfur, gnash and grind your teeth, weep and wail, complete darkness, never ending doom or would you rather be where there is light and joy and peace and happiness, forever celebrating with the God of the universe, the one who created you to be with him for eternity and longs that not one should perish.
So today I challenge you to get right with God and determine right now where you will spend eternity. What you must do is to ask The Lord Jesus to come into your heart and to forgive you for your sins. Ask him to be the Lord and savior of your life. And don't think that it won't happen to you because you are to young and have too much life in you..
I have a dear friend's daughter that was only 17 when the Lord called her home. Right before she died one of the passengers in the car said, Tia said "if we die right now, I know where I am going."
Powerful last words, from someone so young... how about you... if the Lord were to call on you to come home in a few moments, would you be able to say like Tia "I know where I am going?"
Anyway, enough of my whining: Today I would like to share with you about something that I feel is very important.
So do you know the day that you will die? How about when the doctors say: "you have three months left to live" to me that is one of the craziest things I can think of, besides this one... at a funeral, standing at the casket... awe she looks good or he really looks good... no they look dead"
Now back to my thought for the day.. Can anyone truly know the hour or the minute that our life will be taken from us? No just the opposite is true, it comes like a thief in the night and then we are gone.
Gone from this world, but there is a hereafter. No, not a place of partying and everlasting booze parties with friends, rather a place with God for eternity in eternal joy and bliss or a place of suffering and torment, forever away from the God who loves us and created us to be with him.
I wonder where will you spend that time, that though we can not see it now or even begin to comprehend it's meaning or even the length of time that is forever. It will happen.
Here on earth, we think of things in terms of years, but we know that it eventually comes to an end, but eternity will not end. I hope that you will think about this today and think about what you want to do.... suffer, smell burning sulfur, gnash and grind your teeth, weep and wail, complete darkness, never ending doom or would you rather be where there is light and joy and peace and happiness, forever celebrating with the God of the universe, the one who created you to be with him for eternity and longs that not one should perish.
So today I challenge you to get right with God and determine right now where you will spend eternity. What you must do is to ask The Lord Jesus to come into your heart and to forgive you for your sins. Ask him to be the Lord and savior of your life. And don't think that it won't happen to you because you are to young and have too much life in you..
I have a dear friend's daughter that was only 17 when the Lord called her home. Right before she died one of the passengers in the car said, Tia said "if we die right now, I know where I am going."
Powerful last words, from someone so young... how about you... if the Lord were to call on you to come home in a few moments, would you be able to say like Tia "I know where I am going?"
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
My messy house
Well howdy and hope things are bright and cheery for you today. If not then let me give you an air hug, see there now don't you feel better already. So today, i have been thinking about the clutter around my house. What does it mean? well let's think for a minute... I have four great kids, that my life pretty much centers around. A teen, a tween and two little "mom-sters". Each one of them have their own personalities and things they like and enjoy, which means that 4 people want their stuff all over the house... come in from school and drop the coats and shoes. run around the house sniffing out food... and play with a toy for about a second or longer if you know your brother wants a turn. Add all this to one family's space and it could get a little cluttered.. only guess what... to me it is my life and it represents four kiddos who are generally happy and content with what we have, where we live, even if we barely have 2 dimes to rub together after the bills are paid. I guess what I have been thinking about is that God granted them to me and I certainly don't think that I could get along too well without them. Sometimes, I get bogged down with the messiness but you know in the end the laundry can wait and often does, the dishes will pile up whether they are washed every meal or not. but hugs can't wait and the giggle of a child can slip right on by if we aren't careful. And before long they are out of their own with little "mom-sters" of their own. I was speaking to a dear friend at church, who is retired now, and she told me that she misses those days when her kids who are now grown, were in the house running around causing chaos to occur. So if you come to my house and find it a mess, remember what I said, I just might be cherishing a hug or evoking a high squealing giggle out of one of my "mom-sters". hey thanks for reading and I hope you have a blessed day. Leave a comment and tell a friend about my blog sight! take good care and catch a smile along the way.
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