Today, two women showed up on my door step. I knew them and invited them in. I feared the worst, because they are family to a very close friend of mine. "no He did not pass away, but they have taken away all the machines and are just keeping him comfortable.
I dropped whatever it was that occupied my moment of time and headed directly to the hospital, not only to say my last farewells, but to also present one last opportunity of salvation.
If you have not looked upon a body that is there but the life it once knew is slipping away before your very eyes; if you have never looked into the eyes that once twinkled with life and now they are glazed over in unresponsiveness, then I hope you never have to.
I talked to the shell of the person, hoping that if his soul had not yet departed, that even on his dying bed, he would, perhaps with his last breath, he would breathe the name of Jesus and be ushered into eternity with God, not separated from Him to eternal damnation.
I did get to personally share the gospel with his doctor. I noticed that all the nurses that had come into his room to see if he was still clinging on to life or if he had thrown in the towel, all quietly dissipated when I gave my testimony to the doctor.
I asked her, may I ask you two questions. She said yes of course. So I asked her if she could predict the exact moment that my good friend would die. She said no, but medically speaking it won't be long..
Then I asked her if I could ask her another one.. "Yes" she said, I said "Do you know when you will die?" She said "no, I don't."
At this point, I had her complete attention and we talked about the things that would merit her getting into heaven. Nope she hasn't killed or robbed maybe a lie or two but generally a was good person. I said,no, not good enough.
I shared with her, what I will share with you now. Our "good" is as filthy rags to God and only the fact that I have accepted Christ the Son of God into my heart and asked him to forgive my sins, is going to get me into heaven. Absolutely nothing else! She assured me that tonight she would make a decision one way or the other.
If she doesn't choose yes, she is actually choosing no. I told her that God gives us opportunities to accept him, sometimes its' only one. So tonight I am praying for the doctor and her husband, that God will speak to their hearts and they will turn their lives over to him, no holds barge.
As of the finishing of this post, my good friend and hard working neighbor has now surrendered to the death that tried to snuff out his life for the past 20 something years. He endured about 50 surgeries and even made medical history. While I was speaking with the doctor, this afternoon, she mentioned.. "he even had his last thanksgiving dinner, in the hospital with two of our doctors." because no family was there. I actually broke down and cried when she told me that the doctors ate with him.
Here is what is so tragically sad, he was the best neighbor anyone could ever have. If I needed him to any handy man thing, he would jump at the opportunity to help and never charged me a penny, though I would offer whatever I had. His hand was never out to accept.
As he lay there, drawing his final breaths, that were about 15-17 seconds apart, his eyes held no life and his pulse was barely there. I called his family to say that I thought he was passing and that should someone please come. The sister told me and I quote..."I don't have time, for this. I need to take time for myself."
It was the most cold-hearted thing I have heard in years and I, the neighbor, felt guilty for leaving the man there, to die alone. And then my Lord reminded me that even in death He never leaves us. So if his family chose not to go, I know that my friend didn't die alone.
I am just sorry that I did have to leave and am not sure of the exact time that he slipped away. But I do know that for at least two hours, he had someone there stroking his hair, and holding his hand, talking to him and reassuring him that it was okay to go if he had to and assuring him that his dearly beloved mother would be taken care of.
I quoted Psalm 23 to him a couple of times and prayed with him and told him that even in his dying he could still call out to God and God would hear him and take him into heaven to be with him, forever.
In this world, I will not know for sure, the decision that my friend made, but my hope is this, that when I cross over into my heavenly home, there will be my friend fixing the sewing machines in heaven that sew the angel's clothes and make their wings... There will be my friend fixing the flood gates of heaven and replacing the stars' blown out bulbs.... There will be my friend.
As a public memorial to my friend... Thank you for being the best neighbor I've ever had. Thanks for fishing the tractor out of my toilet, thanks for being my very dear friend. You will be greatly missed. Thank you for snow blowing my side walks and my driveway, when you have just gotten out of the hospital and had been there for the past 8 weeks.
(I said 'what are you doing out here, you crazy person/" And he said "well, I'm not dead yet!") May you find comfort in the arms of Jesus and may your body now be set free from all the pain and suffering that you have endured, for way too long. I love you and will cherish you forever, and I think I am going to plant something in your honor. And I will call it Bob.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Something Old Something New
Today, I think about things differently than I used to when I was young. I think about life and it's meaning more than I ever did.
I watch life speed past as though it were going to a fire and wonder where it is going in such a big hurry.
I have watched my little girls grow into young women. I've seen them stretch their arms up for my comfort and then watched as they spread their wings to try to fly.
I see my little boys trying to do big boy things, they still need my comfort and protection most of the time, though I am sure they think they don't. "I'm big" you know.
As spring comes upon us, the birds chirping their favorite songs, the flowers are popping up their pretty little faces, the sun warms up my soul.
My fish pond was in need of a good cleaning and what used to look like red-neck city now looks like a walk by the creek bed. It is rocked in and beautiful with the rocks that my loving husband and I collected together in times past. It has all the pieces of drift wood that he brought me as presents for every occasion, sometimes, just because.
The flower garden that once was a thing of beauty had turned into a gigantic weed infestation is now a patio. (Well almost.. I have to lay about ten more 2'x3' blocks.. level it up some) It is going to be stunning, from something old and rickety to something fabulous and new. I am truly excited.
That is the way our life in Christ is.. it used to be old and ratty worn and tired. When you ask the Lord to come in. you are transformed into a beautiful butterfly.
I hope that as this Easter comes upon us it is not just a time of family get together-s but a time of true celebration of what the Lord has done for us. He has given us new life and a real reason to celebrate.
Let the Lord, the creator of the universe give you that reason to celebrate. Let him take your life from something old to something new, like my new fish pond and my new patio.
I hope you have a wonderful spring and a Victorious Easter.
I watch life speed past as though it were going to a fire and wonder where it is going in such a big hurry.
I have watched my little girls grow into young women. I've seen them stretch their arms up for my comfort and then watched as they spread their wings to try to fly.
I see my little boys trying to do big boy things, they still need my comfort and protection most of the time, though I am sure they think they don't. "I'm big" you know.
As spring comes upon us, the birds chirping their favorite songs, the flowers are popping up their pretty little faces, the sun warms up my soul.
My fish pond was in need of a good cleaning and what used to look like red-neck city now looks like a walk by the creek bed. It is rocked in and beautiful with the rocks that my loving husband and I collected together in times past. It has all the pieces of drift wood that he brought me as presents for every occasion, sometimes, just because.
The flower garden that once was a thing of beauty had turned into a gigantic weed infestation is now a patio. (Well almost.. I have to lay about ten more 2'x3' blocks.. level it up some) It is going to be stunning, from something old and rickety to something fabulous and new. I am truly excited.
That is the way our life in Christ is.. it used to be old and ratty worn and tired. When you ask the Lord to come in. you are transformed into a beautiful butterfly.
I hope that as this Easter comes upon us it is not just a time of family get together-s but a time of true celebration of what the Lord has done for us. He has given us new life and a real reason to celebrate.
Let the Lord, the creator of the universe give you that reason to celebrate. Let him take your life from something old to something new, like my new fish pond and my new patio.
I hope you have a wonderful spring and a Victorious Easter.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Sometimes life is hard..
So this year I will turn the Big 40. Yahoo. No really, when I was a kid, I never thought that I would even see 30 and look at me now, I have blazed past that mile stone and am approaching one that I used to call old.. now I say I am just beginning to live.
You know, I look back on my life and realize that "sometimes life is hard.' Yes truly hard. I was nearly drowned by my biological mother at the age of 6 months. I spent 6 months living with my 70 year old gram ( who the courts said was too old to raise me.. she live to be 97)
Then I spent the next five years in foster care. My father remarried and I was placed in their care. For the next six years of my young life, I was in and out of nearly 100 foster homes, mixed with in and out of my father's house, due to physical, mental and emotional abuse, not to mention the sexual abuse that went with the territory.
My father was diagnosed with cancer in September of 1980, and died in July on my little sister's 3rd birthday. I was 11 years old and that threw me right back into the foster care system.
At 12, I begged the courts to live with my natural mother, whom I had never really known, only had heard horrible things about and back then I believed those things were told to me to keep me from her.
This began a very horrible long six months of sexual abuse from her boyfriend, a man in his late fifties early sixties. He told me he was going to train me to be a "good wife." (P.S. I am a really good wife, but it had nothing, absolutely nothing to do with him, rather good role models that God placed in my life.)
I ran away on the final day, when he was going to rape me. I was placed back into foster care and stayed in several homes until I was 14 when the Lord placed me into a loving family, for adoption.
I stayed with them till I was 19, got married and moved far away. Life as a married person isn't always easy and back then I was loving and kind but pretty self centered too and always thought that I had to have the last say or win the argument.. guess what I am still like that today but maybe not so bad.. You'll have to ask my new husband about that one..( no on second thought you better not.. hahahha see there I go again, wanting the last word.)
So I was married for 12 years and during those years we produced two beautiful daughters. It was hard because I was mostly infertile and also had five miscarriages. We were going to adopt a baby before our oldest one came into our lives but that too, fell through.
Sometimes life is very hard and you wonder how will you go on with your life.
After a while I found my new husband or should I say we found each other. And guess what life has been extremely hard for us. When we got married he had cancer in the third stage. Lymphoma- non-hodgkins (sp?). We got married in the hospital and true to his word, he said I will get married in my jeans and ball cap and sure enough he did. I wore my cream colored gown and was the hospital bride.
Four years of infertility and along came our biggest miracle in the smallest package. Garrett was 15 weeks early , weighing in at 1lb 8 oz measuring 11.5 inches.
He stayed at the hospital for four and a half months. Let me just say, sometimes life is hard. It is hard to watch your child laying there helpless and you can't hold him or help him, with the doctors all standing around saying he's probably going to die today. Those were very difficult days to say the least!
Life is currently extremely challenging and unrelenting, so much that I dare not even post it to my blog, though I would love to blab it for all the world to see the injustice that my family has endured, but I can't for legal reasons.
Life is hard and unbearable at times. There are days that I think I may crack under all the pressure that we are currently under. Days that I think I may go out of my mind with grief and hardships that we are enduring. The tears that I have shed
in the past five years have well gone beyond the Pacific Ocean. That means life has been hard.
Lest I should continue on this treck let me tell you that when life is hard and unbearable, when the times are rough and unforgiving, when I feel the need to throw in the towel and quit..
The Lord reminds me quietly, amidst all the chaos, "I am here." Then I go to His Word and this is what I find. over and over.. in many different places..
"My soul finds rest in God alone:, my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation: He is my fortress, I will never be shaken. Psalm 62:1
"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; My hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times,O people, pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62: 5-8
"Oh God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. Psalm 63:1-3
Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings, my soul clings to you, your right hand upholds me. Psalm 63:8
So when I feel overwhelmed I will turn to my Rock. What will you do when your life is falling apart and you don't know where to turn.
You know, I look back on my life and realize that "sometimes life is hard.' Yes truly hard. I was nearly drowned by my biological mother at the age of 6 months. I spent 6 months living with my 70 year old gram ( who the courts said was too old to raise me.. she live to be 97)
Then I spent the next five years in foster care. My father remarried and I was placed in their care. For the next six years of my young life, I was in and out of nearly 100 foster homes, mixed with in and out of my father's house, due to physical, mental and emotional abuse, not to mention the sexual abuse that went with the territory.
My father was diagnosed with cancer in September of 1980, and died in July on my little sister's 3rd birthday. I was 11 years old and that threw me right back into the foster care system.
At 12, I begged the courts to live with my natural mother, whom I had never really known, only had heard horrible things about and back then I believed those things were told to me to keep me from her.
This began a very horrible long six months of sexual abuse from her boyfriend, a man in his late fifties early sixties. He told me he was going to train me to be a "good wife." (P.S. I am a really good wife, but it had nothing, absolutely nothing to do with him, rather good role models that God placed in my life.)
I ran away on the final day, when he was going to rape me. I was placed back into foster care and stayed in several homes until I was 14 when the Lord placed me into a loving family, for adoption.
I stayed with them till I was 19, got married and moved far away. Life as a married person isn't always easy and back then I was loving and kind but pretty self centered too and always thought that I had to have the last say or win the argument.. guess what I am still like that today but maybe not so bad.. You'll have to ask my new husband about that one..( no on second thought you better not.. hahahha see there I go again, wanting the last word.)
So I was married for 12 years and during those years we produced two beautiful daughters. It was hard because I was mostly infertile and also had five miscarriages. We were going to adopt a baby before our oldest one came into our lives but that too, fell through.
Sometimes life is very hard and you wonder how will you go on with your life.
After a while I found my new husband or should I say we found each other. And guess what life has been extremely hard for us. When we got married he had cancer in the third stage. Lymphoma- non-hodgkins (sp?). We got married in the hospital and true to his word, he said I will get married in my jeans and ball cap and sure enough he did. I wore my cream colored gown and was the hospital bride.
Four years of infertility and along came our biggest miracle in the smallest package. Garrett was 15 weeks early , weighing in at 1lb 8 oz measuring 11.5 inches.
He stayed at the hospital for four and a half months. Let me just say, sometimes life is hard. It is hard to watch your child laying there helpless and you can't hold him or help him, with the doctors all standing around saying he's probably going to die today. Those were very difficult days to say the least!
Life is currently extremely challenging and unrelenting, so much that I dare not even post it to my blog, though I would love to blab it for all the world to see the injustice that my family has endured, but I can't for legal reasons.
Life is hard and unbearable at times. There are days that I think I may crack under all the pressure that we are currently under. Days that I think I may go out of my mind with grief and hardships that we are enduring. The tears that I have shed
in the past five years have well gone beyond the Pacific Ocean. That means life has been hard.
Lest I should continue on this treck let me tell you that when life is hard and unbearable, when the times are rough and unforgiving, when I feel the need to throw in the towel and quit..
The Lord reminds me quietly, amidst all the chaos, "I am here." Then I go to His Word and this is what I find. over and over.. in many different places..
"My soul finds rest in God alone:, my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation: He is my fortress, I will never be shaken. Psalm 62:1
"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; My hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times,O people, pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62: 5-8
"Oh God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. Psalm 63:1-3
Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings, my soul clings to you, your right hand upholds me. Psalm 63:8
So when I feel overwhelmed I will turn to my Rock. What will you do when your life is falling apart and you don't know where to turn.
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