Down in the Dumps

There are days when a person feels down in the dumps. There are days when a person doesn't feel that anything is going right and all is wrong with the world. Today is one of those days for me.
I have been dealing with personal issues that I cannot "blog" for the world to see. The only ones that know truly what is going on are those that are very close to me. If someone else would like to know what is going on, then they probably haven't bothered to check on me to see what is going on and how I am truly doing. (and perhaps that is part of my down feelings, today.)
A true thank you to my very close friends that call me and ask me how are you doing in spite of it all. I cherish you and really do thank you with the tears flowing out of my eyes, even as I am writing this blog.
See, most of the world sees me as this big strong person, with a smile plastered across my face, but there are days, like today when those stinging tears, lie just beneath the surface of my eyes, and could burst from the seams at any moment.
I know that lots of people love and care for me, but sometimes, I just get so tired of feeling the weight of this burden that I bare. I know that I am not alone, that God is actually carrying me through this, but it is hard and I never wish this on anyone. I never wish for you to be alone and have to deal with the legal issues that I have had to endure for the past five years, seemingly with no one on my side, that can truly help.
I never wish that you should have to see someone that you love and cherish be publicly humiliated, and destroyed while you have to sit there and watch and feel that there is no-one in the "Justice" system that even cares, rather they are all in it for political reasons, out to destroy a person, and their whole family, so they can say that they have one more notch in their belt.
I never hope that you have to cry your self to sleep at night because of the loneliness that engulfs your soul like that black night that so easily encrouches around you.
I hope that it is never your plot in life to be left standing alone when you wish that someone could just wrap their arms around you and say, don't worry this is going to be over soon, but you know in reality that it is just getting started and that there seems like nothing you can do, but watch and grieve for the one you love.
Hopefully the ones that you would lay your life down for in a blink of an eye, will never tell you that yo have ruined their lives and that you are a worthless waste of a space , horrible, person.
Sometimes in life, we have to go through things, but I wonder when it will stop being so hard and just for a reprieve of good to start happening. I long for that to happen. For the flood gates of heaven to open up, to pour down over me and my family, to stop the wretched hail, the locust from destroying who and what we are, for the clouds to dissipate and the rainbow in the sky to appear and yes for the pot of gold to be at the other end. I long for refreshing and for peace, yet what I receive is hard, horrible, unbelievable, unjust , unfair, humiliation and on it goes.
I know other people have it way worse than me, but you know I think that my life has been extremely difficult and I have overcome a huge amount and today, I am pleading with my God to allow some good to happen. Let their be true victory in the Lord's camp. Let the devil and all his imps go back to hell and to leave me alone.
Let God's goodness overpower this depression and his joy kill the anger that tries to destroy my faith. Let me even in my distress call out to God and he will surely hear me and answer me from heaven. He will wipe away my tears and transform my heartache into everlasting bliss.
Forgive me Lord for complaining, and help me to remember that even in the midst of this wretched storm, you are here and you are carrying me across this barren dessert into your oasis.
Let me be comforted with your scriptures:
For you are my hiding place: you protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory. Psalm 32:7

Down in the umps